Uk love is making no promises, but it's not over--confusing me

IMHO, just from reading your previous posts and this, it sounds like this guy doesn't want this relationship, but also doesn't want to hurt your feelings.  I think the best thing for you to do would be to just call it off and stop wasting your time on someone who is skirting around the issue of calling it off himself. 

Also, I am having a hard time wrapping my head around wanting to marry someone you haven't ever seen (via webcam or in person).  My perspective may be different than others here since I never did the online dating with my husband.  We met in Australia because we were staying in the same hostel so we spent 3 months living together before we had to go our separate ways. 

I think everyone has reiterated this in your previous posts and you are just waiting to hear the answer you want, but it's time to move on.

I am sad that I may be loosing the guy that I really like but I am really confused about what may happen in the coming months so I am going to keep looking at profiles.  But whats the matter with match/uk?  Do you guys think I am going to always end up with the same results?  

The matter with the UK match site is that you don't live in the UK. If your goal is to live in the UK and fall in love with someone there, your best bet (in order to not repeat this "relationship") is to find a way to move and then work on meeting someone when you're both on the same continent. Getting on a dating site with the goals of 1) meeting someone internationally 2) hitting it off such as to get married 3) making an international move is a LOT compared to the other people who are there just to meet people. Most likely it will be off-putting to a lot of people (for the reasons other people mentioned).

As far as me being unfair to any of the english guys, I do see what you are saying, but I am upfront in what I portray in my profile,  so they DO KNOW and are aware I am from the States and I was very upfront with my guy when I told him about how we can get together the quickest, which case marriage….

Again, whoa, major red flag. Yes, you get bonus points for being up-front and honest, but like others mentioned, if I'm going to consider dating someone and the first thing they bring up is marriage, I'm running the other way. I'm not opposed to the idea that a really great guy doesn't live near me, and if we were to meet/fall in love we'd have to deal with immigration hurdles, but that's a far cry from considering a guy who doesn't live near me but wants to and the location I live is a main reason for their attraction to me.

I said to him in a chat, "I am going to marry you" and he responded, "Is that a promise?"  and I couldn't believe what i read!  that's when I asked him if he was serious and he said 'yes I am" so that is when I told him about how we can get married on a spousal visa to be together quicker.

One of the problems in LDRs is that you're very limited in communication. You interpreted "is that a promise?" as a "ooh, yay, someone wants to marry me, do they really mean it?" whereas it could have been "um, whoa, marriage already, is she serious?!".

I echo what others said…if you want to live in England, great. I did, and now I do. However, I didn't search on dating sites for English guys in the hopes that we'd hit it off and get married and that would be my ticket over…I figured out my own way to move. (Caveat here is that I was able to obtain citizenship through my mother, which made my transition a bit easier than it could have been, but had I not had that option, I would've worked for the requirements of a Tier 1 visa, or applied to a course to get a masters in the UK, or found some other legal non-marriage route to move.)

Now that I'm here, I'm open to meeting someone of any nationality, really, provided they either 1) live nearby so that we can hit it off and have a "normal" relationship progression (as your guy said he wants) 2) are amazingly awesome for a really long time online so that one/both of us wants to fork over the cash to meet in person and consider an LDR/relocation.

First of all, I think it's completely nuts to be exclusively seeking out someone who is British just because you're fascinated with the country...

BUT why on earth would you not consider joining Match in the US and look for someone who is British and lives in your area so you can date like normal people?! 

InloveUK, your "relationship" issues remind me of a poster from earlier this year. She has a lot of similarities to you. Maybe reading about her need to rush into things will help you step back and take a good long look at what you are doing.

Here is a link to one of her threads.

 

Also, I am having a hard time wrapping my head around wanting to marry someone you haven't ever seen (via webcam or in person).  My perspective may be different than others here since I never did the online dating with my husband.  We met in Australia because we were staying in the same hostel so we spent 3 months living together before we had to go our separate ways. 

Mandaree, my situation was almost identical!  Except we met in Ireland.  

And that brings me to re-iterate a point made by others:  Find out just what it is that you love about England (leave the guy out of the picture) and save up a bit more money and go there and explore!  It doesn't have to be expensive--stay in hostels.  It's a great way to meet people in general--you'll make friends along the way.

In the meantime, while you're saving a bit more money do some research--that's half the fun!  Research different areas, cities, countryside, ancient sites, museums, shopping, night life--whatever strikes your fancy.

That's sort of what I did before my big trip to Ireland.  I found out I did love Ireland as much as I thought I did!  I also met a few possibilities for romance (Irish guys) but wasn't banking on that happening.  It turned out on that trip I met my hubby (British)--but that was at the very end of the trip and it was the icing on the cake.  It was an amazing adventure and it was all about me--not about a particular guy.

I agree with this. This guy seems very reasonable and he seems to be doing what he can to try avoid hurting the OP's feelings.

I agree with this as well.  In fact I wouldn't think he was a jerk if he just upped and never really contacted her again.  He said he wasn't interested in a LDR, he isn't interested.  

I met my husband on an online dating site, but it was a US one.  He kept getting matched to American women.

BUT, I lived in Scotland for two years almost ten years before I met him.  Would we have gotten along so well and so easily if I didn't have a real understanding of the UK?  I am not sure. 

A lot of people here based their relationship around a shared common interest; we just really dated online and then I used the old Bunac program to move here and see if it would really work. 

I made a list when I was 16. 

When I was 16 I didn't want to get married. I wanted a career and a future for myself.

Funny how DH and I now run a business together.

Good relationships are based on common interests.

The matter with the UK match site is that you don't live in the UK.

Exactly.

I used the UK site, but I was already living in the UK at the time. I don't know your age or your financial situation, but is it possible for you to come over as a student?

It's been a month, online, without even webcams. If a person I met IN REAL LIFE said they wanted to marry me and move thousands of miles to be with me after that short a time, I would run for the freakin' hills! That is just crazy, obsessive behaviour, and I think he's being way nicer than most normal guys would be about it. I think you need to chill out and back off, try to get to know him as friends and not rush in so much. Don't book your tickets until he has ASKED you to; it's not enough for him to acquiesce to badgering, he needs to WANT you to come, otherwise it's just a continuation of you pursuing him. I don't doubt that he went into it quickly and deeply as well just from the excitement of the thing, but unlike you he has actually come back to reality and realised that this is insane. Sit down and think about it objectively, imagine how you would really feel if this had happened in real life instead of the internet, and I think you'll understand where he's coming from.

All of this.

I was going to do loads of quotes and the shear number of strange posts made me stop.  Honestly, InLoveUK, you sound cray-cray.  

You don't have a relationship with this guy, you have something made up in your head.  He is being polite -- with a possiblilty at hedging his bets and flattery at the attention.  Regardless, he isn't truly interested and I don't blame him because you sound slightly unhinged (or obsessive as was said earlier).  Cut your losses now and scrap together some dignity.  Then focus on yourself and why you are concentrating on childhood fantasies.  

It isn't healthy and overall you deserve better even if you don't know it.

PS There is nothing wrong with this guy.  If anything he is being overly nice.  But seriously he doesn't want what you want because he is reasonable.  And it has nothing to do with testing you as a Scorpio.  Good Grief!


ETA:  My use of the word cray-cray was supposed to be somewhat lighthearted but still getting the point across.  No offense intended.

To be honest, if I was this guy's friend and he was telling me about the situation, I would probably advise  him to have nothing more to do with you because I would be worried about my friend getting into a relationship with someone who isn't very stable.

I'm not saying that you are "cray-cray", but you are presenting yourself as someone who has very unhealthy ideas about relationships.

Sorry for being so harsh.

P.S. I think that if you took the time to really get to know people and what they are like, deep down, as individuals, you wouldn't pay that much attention to astrology.

P.S. I think that if you took the time to really get to know people and what they are like, deep down, as individuals, you wouldn't pay that much attention to astrology.

or nationality, for that matter!

If you want to come to the UK and meet him, okay, but don't plan your trip around him. Give yourself a proper holiday over here: visit a few sights and meet him once or twice to see if you get along before even discussing if you have a relationship with him.

This is what my husband and I did for our first meeting.

You're probably not reading this thread anymore,because no one is telling you what you want to hear, but I will give my say a shot, From the sounds of your posts, InLoveUK, it sounds to me like you've had a lot of bad and unhealthy relationships in the past. And this guy in your head is your "prince charming" that will "save you". And you said you are way over the age of 21 in a post before, so you're an adult. However,your behavior sounds like something of a young teenager.

Just take a moment and think about everything please. You've been talking to this guy for a month on the internet. Never webcammed, and you've probably only seen just photos. For all you know this guy could be using fake photos. Point is, you dont know him. Now lets say, his photos are real. This still isnt healthy for you,obsessing over him and being with him. You keep referring to him as your "boyfriend" and it being a "relationship". You're not in love, its impossible. You may think its love and it may feel like love,but its infactuation.
By keep emailing him,obsessing over him, and obsessing over little things like "he is a scorpio,so he must be testing me to see what I would do", is way over the top. You've scared him away and any one would be. You cant mention marriage and moving to live with him when you havent met before.  Cut your losses and move on. Remove him from your messaging lists,remove him number and dont contact him again. If he is intrested,he will contact you. The last thing you want is to get a label of a "bunny boiler"

If you're worried about losing the cost of your membership on match.co.uk, you probably don't have anywhere near the resources you'd need to conduct a real LDR.  I mean, they take tons of time, money, commitment.

I'm also trying to figure out what kind of "type" you may be referring to.  There was a girl on here a year or two ago (can't remember just when) who also talked about English guys being her "type;" that one got jumped all over too.  Seriously, the culture in the city 10 miles from here is vastly different than the village I live in.  The accent is very different too.  If you go a further 15 minutes south, the culture and accent shift dramatically again.  This doesn't even begin to entail an entire country.

It is nice being on this site and seeing people who have made a success of things, but you need to keep in mind that we've come together for a very specific purpose.  We also get a steady stream of heartbroken women popping in to say how isolated and difficult their lives have become as they've had to leave bad or sometimes even abusive relationships and seeking advice about how to get home with no help or money.  Fantasy rarely lives up to reality.  It isn't as abundant to see the horror stories because they are so often embroiled in trying to get their shattered lives back together or fighting cross-country custody battles, or they go back home and need to put that part of their lives behind them.  Yes, some of us have quick, intense relationships that are a success, but many, many more also fail and are heartbroken.

You've been given a mountain of good advice.  I hope you'll listen to it rather than playing these games.  I'm feeling a bit sceptical though.

or nationality, for that matter!

True.