So how did you meet? Well...

I must say that there are times when I really do dread this seemingly natural and innocent question. People are curious as to how I ended up in England, and before that the intrigue was geared toward how I ended up dating a British guy to begin with. Well, we met online.

"Wait! Stop the presses! You met where? But who/what/where/why/when?"

"Oh, online ?"

That, coupled with a bewildered look, is the response I've become used to. Usually it's just the bewildered look.

All in all, I can't say the truth of that matter has been received favorably which has made me shy away from bringing it to light at all anymore to anyone. I've made an abbreviated version of the "how we met" answer that doesn't include anything alluding to online courtship that DH and I use. It saves us the hassle of trying to explain the very long and detailed sequence of events that led us to where we are now, that only we truly understand.

Some days I have the confidence and the patience to say it without possibly getting frustrated at the reaction. Most times it feels almost like a burden.

DH and I very secure in our relationship, but we both feel this insecurity when it comes to telling our story, and it's annoying that we even feel it. It's not an ashamed or embarrassed feeling - we're proud of it and feel very lucky and blessed how things unfolded for us. It's more the frustration of people somehow thinking less of everything we've been through because of the "online stigma".

So I guess I'm curious as to how others out there who've met their SO online handle this question, and how they truly feel about answering it and about the responses they generally get.

Also, as a side note: I've noticed that people in the UK don't ask more than one or two questions and leave it at that, whereas in America it's turned into an interrogation by complete strangers.

Wow, so what is your abbreviated explanation that doesn't mention that you met online? I'm curious.

We found out that I know someone that knows his relative that lived near me that he visited shortly before we first talked online (this visit being the reason for our first talking online), so we will say we knew each other through a mutual friend. So, a bit like the six degrees of separation theory.

I must be odd, but I'm quite happy to say we met online (though he only lived a street over from me,funny ) - and we didn't even meet on a forum or anywhere with mutual interests.  We met on match.co.uk. - a great way to meet people if you ask me, because after all, you know someone is looking to date when they're there. 

I'm surprised you're getting a lot of stigma about that these days because online dating has been around since the beginning of the internet and it will be hitting its midlife crisis soon.   Most people usually go 'oh that's a great way to meet' and 'oh yeah, that's good, because then you don't need to chat up all kinds of random strangers in the pub'.  So many of my friends have met and married and had loads of kids together with people they met off  commercial dating sites like match.com, eharmony, etc, not to mention the other random encounters of internet forums, message boards, mail groups, twitter, facebook,  etc. 

So you did meet online, but instead you've made up a story that you met through a mutual friend?

Hmm...I find it really strange that you feel you have to make up a story rather than be honest!  I don't see the problem in saying how you met online.  Who cares if people make a big deal out of it or find it odd...in this day and age, it's really not unusual at all.

Thanks for sharing your experience It does sound like a positive one.

There definitely are positive turnouts. The responses could also be generational, or depend on a specific person's involvement and familiarity with online communities and networking.

Like in RL, you get the genuine and the dodgy folks online, too.

That's funny - living right down the street!

So you did meet online, but instead you've made up a story that you met through a mutual friend?

Hmm...I find it really strange that you feel you have to make up a story rather than be honest!  I don't see the problem in saying how you met online.  Who cares if people make a big deal out of it or find it odd...in this day and age, it's really not unusual at all.

I do see where you're coming from with the "who cares what others think" attitude. I'm sure it is freeing one to have.

This is a very honest post - some people may not want to admit to themselves that sometimes they do care what other people think. I've opened up my experience to see if there are others who have felt/feel the same. I know there are quite a few who have met their spouse online here, whereas I don't personally know anyone who has and have been the "odd one out" and unable to discuss it with those who might relate.

I understand what you are saying completely bluebell. I don't like saying to people I am just casually meeting. I don't mind saying it to someone I am actually getting to know. I am not sure why it is, but I think I feel there is so much more to say then simply we met online- and don't want to go into a long detailed answer.

I didn't technically meet my BF online--we hookup on on vacation in Spain when we were 18, 8 years ago--but when we reconnected on facebook about two years ago, we might as well have been strangers to each other. Nevertheless, people tend to find the Spain story funny and charming, even though it's really not. *shrug* It is what it is. I met a lot of former boyfriends online, mostly on okcupid. I mostly glossed over it with my family if they asked because I don't think they would understand about meeting someone online but all my friends knew. I don't think it's that strange anymore, although the stakes of meeting someone and starting to date them when they live thousands of miles away is a little different than meeting someone online who lives in the same city.

I didn’t meet BF online. I met him in person for about 3.5 hours, then we didn’t see each other for almost 2 years. We kept in touch over the internet. Most people think our story is romantic, but before me and BF were able to make frequent trips, I had people ask me about my relationship with him and how we maintained it. Once they found out we were talking online they’d say, “oh, so it’s not a REAL relationship. You don’t really know him.” People tried to talk me out it. They told me that my relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere and that he had probably been cheating on me the whole time. It offended me. So, I understand where you are coming from. 

Yes, it’s not considered “conventional,” but meeting people online or being long distance isn’t exactly a foreign concept. I don’t see how picking up a random person in a bar and then sleeping with them is more meaningful.

Ultimately, what it comes down to is that everyone is different and they have different comfort zones and limits. For some, internet dating is beyond their comfort zone and limits. And then there are some who intentionally or unintentionally hold you to their own personal standards. Still, it’s a response I don’t truly understand. If someone shared something with me that I found to be odd, I’d keep that to myself, so they wouldn’t feel uncomfortable sharing and maybe I could walk away having my horizons broadened a little.

I agree with everyone so far!  In this day and age meeting someone online is not uncommon.  You have nothing to hide, I'd just be honest about it.

That being said, I met my hubby in person, but at a place that an online friend told me about.

We met online as well and I have no problems telling people. A couple of people have been sort of fascinated by it, but there have been no negative responses at all. As others have said, it's really common these days, so most people won't be surprised about it. I'm from the UK and the last two family weddings I've gone to (both cousins of mine) have met their partners online. It's not even just young people. I have a 70-year-old widowed friend who's in a relationship with a man she met online. Everybody's doing' it! 

I've had the same experience as chary. I always tell people that we met on the internet, and I have never had a negative response.

Hmm...I find it really strange that you feel you have to make up a story rather than be honest!  I don't see the problem in saying how you met online.  Who cares if people make a big deal out of it or find it odd...in this day and age, it's really not unusual at all.

We did the same thing for years.  We met years ago, so the fact that it was slightly less accepted than it is now might have been a factor.  I am generally a pretty honest person, but I don't feel I have to explain myself to people who I barely know.  Our family and friends knew how we met.  Acquaintances and curious shopkeepers, distant relatives who barely know us, fellow bus passengers, receptionists, etc., etc. (we're talking the States, so people are much more likely to ask probing, personal questions) got the story about meeting when my husband was doing his internship in the States.

It's not that I minded people knowing.  I didn't like the follow up "advice", comments, predictions, and so on.  I don't feel guilty.  It's more polite than saying "none of your business" and "it's a long story" only goes so far sometimes.  

We now say where we met, but I don't blame people for being reluctant on being totally honest, really.

I think that you can't know someone if you've just met them online.  I totally agree with the common wisdom on that.  You do have to spend time in person because you can easily fill in the gaps to create a person in your mind nothing like the actual person.  Or he or she can do it for you, either consciously being deceptive, or trying to emphasising their best bits without being obvious about their worst.  You need to spend a bit of time in the flesh, knowing how they react to things, what they are like, and if you are compatible.  It doesn't happen all the time.  My husband and I are good examples of that.  Both of us were exactly as we figured, which surprised me a bit.  However, after meeting, there's nothing "unreal" about time spent online.

In a few weeks we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary.  My father-in-law made a comment the last time he was here about how that was different than being married for 10 years and living together that long.  You know what? He's right.  It is different, but that doesn't mean it was easier.  My sister told me constantly while my husband and I were in an LDR that it wasn't the same as sharing a life and the stresses and arguing over which orange juice to buy.  She was right.  It's not exactly the same, but there are a lot of very hard obstacles people in LDRs have to overcome that people in close proximity relationships never do.  And just like in close proximity relationships, if you can overcome them or at least deal with the problems, it tends to make the relationship stronger in the long run.

We've spent just under half our marriage in an LDR (if you count all the trips to the States and my time here so far).  I've gotten to the point where I don't care what people think or say about it, but when I was having to deal day to day with being apart, I didn't need the added stress of constantly explaining myself or being told "Oh, long distance things never work out." Or any implications about what my marriage is about because of how we met or spent the first part of our live together. 

I must say that there are times when I really do dread this seemingly natural and innocent question. People are curious as to how I ended up in England, and before that the intrigue was geared toward how I ended up dating a British guy to begin with. Well, we met online.

"Wait! Stop the presses! You met where? But who/what/where/why/when?"

When we tell people we met online on a dating site they tend to say "That's wonderful, it really does work then"
We see no reason to be embarrassed about it, after all we are together and happily married for 3 years.

We also qualify it that neither of us was looking for a long distance relationship, we'd both done that before. But she kept checking my profile and we just ended up chatting. I was planning a solo trip to the US for a week to see some baseball so, as I'd never been to Philadelphia and always wanted to I just changed my plans. Thoughts then were, at least I have someone to show me around.

We've had people assume that I must have been working in the States so that was how we met. Not sure why they never think it may have been the other way round.