Do you ever feel strange about your relationship?

My boyfriend and I were in an LDR for a year and 3 months after we met on my junior year abroad.  I was finishing out my undergraduate degree back in the States, and we both agreed that the LDR couldn't last forever.  If it lasted more than a couple of years, either we would break up or one of us had to immigrate.  So I moved to the UK after I graduated.

I remember, in what ended up being the last year I spent in the US, I had really mixed feelings.  I missed him desperately, but at the same time, I loved that for the first time I felt incredibly independent.  My need to have a deep, loving connection was fulfilled, and I spoke to him at least a few times a week at fixed times.  Beyond that I was free to hang out with my friends, throw myself into my studies, and try work on the things that mattered to me.  I ended up getting my highest grades throughout college, despite taking on lots of upper level classes and adding an extra major, and I remember having the most fun I'd had at college that year as well.  In a way, I loved being in the kind of distance relationship where seeing the other person every day is out of my control because it allowed me to put my concerns about contacting him out of my head and get on with my life.

The couples in LDRs in which they live within a few hours of each other seem to face a greater challenge because the expectation to commit their free time to each other is viable and can sometimes drive a wedge between them if the balance between free time spent with one another and free time spent apart is not maintained.  Consider yourself lucky.  It sounds like you've got that balance.

I think my mom said it best: "it is so great how you two communicate" (meaning skype, IM, cards, etc)
Me:"we had to to ensure our relationship continued"
Mom: "it is the key to a successful relationship. And you two have mastered it even before you are living together"




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I am here: http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=33.817964,-118.387851

I think my mom said it best: "it is so great how you two communicate" (meaning skype, IM, cards, etc)
Me:"we had to to ensure our relationship continued"
Mom: "it is the key to a successful relationship. And you two have mastered it even before you are living together"

Bingo.

From time to time, I do have that strange feeling about the relationship. I get asked questions at work, such as "how often do you guys see each other" or "how can you trust someone that is so far away." Some of the questions can be annoying, but I try to explain the best I can my reasons for being in such a relationship. I recently married my husband in February. The surprising thing is, ever since I married him, people have been a bit more supportive. It also always helps to make friends with people who are in a bit of a similar situation (long distance wise.)

The trust question is an easy one to answer: you just do.  But that's the way it is for all couples right?  Unless you are with the other 24/7 there are going to be times in which you are apart and you just have to trust the other.  Trust is a choice that you make and I don't think that someone who is jealous is going to be able to have a LDR yet alone a successful LDR if they are constantly worried about what their lover is getting up to.

My English BF have been long distance for 3 1/2 years now. We've both had four visits each to each other's home countries and if all goes to plan, I'll be making the big move over sometime this fall. Not only are we currently long distance, but he's also in the army. That also poses some stresses like "where is his next posting going to be?" and "will he be okay in Afghanistan?". Sometimes it can be a lot of uncertainty and for me, who likes to plan everything out and hates surprises, that can be nervewracking.
But at the end of the day, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. I believe in the saying that "good things come to those who wait" (let's just hope the guy who said it knew what he was talking about  ) Instead of saying that it's a strange feeling, I recognize that it's not a typical relationship. But not every relationship is a typical one. When we're together, it is typical even if for a short time. And it's wonderful. I have gotten remarks like "oh wow, that must be hard" which is why I don't go parading around my relationship to everyone I see. But my response to that is that we make it work and since we're apart so often, when we do see each other it's just that much more special.

Your feelings are not abnormal. Is your relationship happy and healthy? Are you good to and for one another? Then it is normal and good.

There will always be people who don't (or won't) understand. My husband and I are fortunate to have supportive family and friends, but that doesn't mean I've been immune to those weird looks from others. Sometimes it's hurtful, but for the most part, I couldn't care any less. There are some people who are always looking for something to be critical of, and chances are, they'll always be that way.

Try not to fall prey to comparing your life/relationship to that of someone else. Experiences are not universal; we all have our own unique set of circumstances that lead us to where we are today. If you're happy with yours, that's what matters! You are not a freak, and don't let anyone make you believe otherwise. I'm in my 20s too (25 now, been with my husband for over two years). I also spent what "should" be my crazy, independent years in a committed relationship with someone who lives thousands of miles away. So what? You know, maybe we are strange, but who says that's a bad thing? ;p

Sure, it's different, and it certainly can be stressful. Sometimes life doesn't follow as linear a path as we'd like it to, but that's just life, and love is love. If you have insecurities about your relationship, discuss them with your partner, but please don't allow other people's expectations to make you feel bad or weird.

Also, this:

The trust question is an easy one to answer: you just do.  But that's the way it is for all couples right?  Unless you are with the other 24/7 there are going to be times in which you are apart and you just have to trust the other.  Trust is a choice that you make and I don't think that someone who is jealous is going to be able to have a LDR yet alone a successful LDR if they are constantly worried about what their lover is getting up to.

This is a very good point to make if anyone starts interrogating you about how you can possibly trust/love/whatever someone who lives far away. How do these people know their partners aren't cheating on them when they claim to be going on an errand? Honestly. You trust or you don't, distance aside. People really underestimate the impact of good communication. With communication comes trust, and that's how LDRs grow in the first place. :)

I met my boyfriend online a year ago and we've been going back and forth. I am a teacher, so luckily, I get summers off and was able to spend all of last summer with him in the UK. It is VERY STRESSFUL at times and I feel there's no one out there that understands what it's like, so good to see some of you here.

My biggest problem right now, is that we want to be together, like a "normal" couple, but how to go about this is so daunting. I want him to ask me to marry him because we're READY, not so I can have a Visa. While we do know each other quite well because we communicate so well (when you can't see each other, all you can do is talk!) I would like to be around him on a daily basis, doing daily mundane things, going to work, all of that business. Whenever we see each other, one of us is on vacation.

Due to his job (which is very specialized and very good!) it is easier for me to move to the UK, however I can't seem to find a way to do it! I feel absolutely overwhelmed and stressed by it all. I also have another teacher contract for the 2012/2013 school year looming for me to sign, but how do I sign that when I want to be with him?

Any advice or just people to talk to about this would be nice. My friends and family are supportive, but like I said, no one really seems to understand fully!

I dunno but you might look into teacher exchange programs.  Maybe there's one in his area?

I think LDR happen a lot these days and I like what someone said earlier. If you were just at different schools here in the US, it would still be a LDR. I think what makes us special is that ours is overseas. I was talking about my relationship with a co-worker the other day and he thought about it for a bit. Then he said "I think I'd chicken out."

I think deep down, that's what people are thinking. That they would be scared to give it a try. Again and again I hear "your so brave" from my friends and coworkers. I think it's the fear of the unknown, the fear of giving up security that they are really voicing, even if it does not come out that way. As your friends, they may also be voicing their fear for you, they don't want it to end badly for you.

What matters most is how YOU feel about it. Life is pretty short to not take a chance. So talk to us and enjoy your relationship!

JFK>LHR>NCL for four years!

We're still going strong and I'm saving $ for the big leap!

The distance stinks, but I thank God everyday, we've made it work.  I'm a very lucky bastard!

On my way back home to NYC, after our 1st meeting in '08, I remember telling her in Newcastle Int'l; "I'm sorry I live 3,500 miles away from you. I want this to work. (Then jokingly) Come with me? Come with me! You'll love NY!"  She laughed and cried @ the same time.

This videos' for all of you, who are still shelping it across the pond, and miss the one they love.

Next January will be ten years together with my husband, meeting in an online message board (for the Red Dwarf Fanclub). It's been about seven since I moved to the UK on a fiancee visa, but the three years before that were rough.  Thankfully we were able to visit quite a few times back and forth and he spent a month in the states with me between finishing uni and starting his job with BT. 

If you communicate and are committed to one another you've got nothing to feel strange about!

The only thing that really bothers me is when people say things like, "Wow, you really thinks that's gonna work?" Especially since we'd only been together 2 months before I moved home (had been studying abroad)

But I try to ignore those people. Cause guess what, we're still going strong 4 months on friday.

I remember first explaining to people our situation and seeing the look they gave, id then go on to explain how amazing my wife (then girlfriend) is and how happy she makes me, straight away their reactions changed. My wife, Mrs Randall, always has been the most beautiful lady I have ever seen and still to this day I cannot get over the fact that she agreed to marry me and is prepared to leave her life in LA to live with me (we are currently applying for the visa).

I couldn't care less what people say as I'm the luckiest man in the world to have her on my arm. We talk through facetime for at least 2 hours everyday while still texting and making each other laugh. We constantly speak to each others parents through skype and social media and as far as we're concerned are in a NORMAL relationship.

When you love someone you love them no matter how far away they are.

This topic may long done, but I have a unique view of things so I thought I would share. I dated my ex long distance (5.5 hrs apart) for 3 years in FL while we finished college, and saw him a weekend per month. A friend at school was dating a guy in London from FL at the same time, and would see him 3-5 times a year for a week or two. My story turned short, I moved to LA after I graduated, and he came out to live with me 6 months later. We lived together and dated for 4 years, and then broke up. We went from long distance, to living together quite easily. We had great communication, and we loved each other. In the end, we grew apart, broke up and are still very close friends. Some things you will not know about a person when you date long distance, because you cannot help but hold back pieces of who you are. You have such limited time together that you wont fight when you otherwise might, for example. It is what it is. That does not mean that my story is to be the fate for you. My friend with her London boy ended up marrying her guy 7 years after the long distance started, and they are happily living together in London now. I think that if you are rationalizing that it is true love, more then you seeing things clearly for what they are, then the two of you will end up not working out. If this person is truly more then you ever thought possible in another person, and you are real with yourself and each other about who you are and what you want in life, things might just work out. The key I find is that they make you a hundred times more wonderful in your own skin then you were before. If you make each other the happiest and best versions of yourselves, you have to go for it, no matter what. People will look at you funny when you tell them, because most haven't met anyone worth that sort of difficult relationship. Even your best friends and family may try to discourage you. Always listen to YOUR heart, and everything will work out. xxx