Adjustment phase when you finally move over?

I have to say, just having these chats have helped me today on so many levels. I felt more like my old self and both he and I were a lot more relaxed last night when he got home from work. I just fell into his hug and started crying, unloading about my mom driving me nuts and so forth. Stating how I didn't need the added stress right now. I think it made him feel good that I needed him then.

We walked to the grocery store last night and when we were leaving I told him I'd take one of the bags. As he was handing it to me he said "Don't drop it." Then there was this pause and we both looked at each other and then we started to laugh. He said "I thought for sure you were going to react. I meant don't drop it when I handed it to you, not when you are carrying it home."

I plan on setting up chat times with mom on Skype once I've been here for a little bit. The hard part is getting her to read her emails for comprehension. I'll ask her when she wants to skype and she won't reply to those but then insists I write her longer emails. And yes, she's used Skype before so it's not new to her at all she just does not pause long enough in her reading to "get" what i am telling her.

Anyhoo, thanks again. I'm so glad I posted here. Huge help!

We walked to the grocery store last night and when we were leaving I told him I'd take one of the bags. As he was handing it to me he said "Don't drop it." Then there was this pause and we both looked at each other and then we started to laugh. He said "I thought for sure you were going to react. I meant don't drop it when I handed it to you, not when you are carrying it home."

This is good!

You also reminded me of something! Whenever DH and I get a takeaway, we get back in the car and he hands me the bag and says "keep it closed. I don't want it to get cold." This would be fine if I was a serial offender or had never had a takeaway before, but neither of those things are true! He still says it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  UGH! I feel better. 

This is good!

You also reminded me of something! Whenever DH and I get a takeaway, we get back in the car and he hands me the bag and says "keep it closed. I don't want it to get cold." This would be fine if I was a serial offender or had never had a takeaway before, but neither of those things are true! He still says it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  UGH! I feel better. 

See, if that were me, I'd have said some smart a** remark back!

See, if that were me, I'd have said some smart a** remark back!

I've resorted to "the glare."

I've resorted to "the glare."

Yes, I have perfected the one eyebrow raise as well. My dad always does it and it worked well in class with my students, too.

Hello!

Just had an argument with DH (again) and I haven't been on the forum in so long, but I'm glad I did. Sometimes you just want someone to understand

When we have a discussion, I get very stressed because I like time to mull things over and come back with my opinion where DH likes to fix the problem then and there. I'm not avoiding it or anything and I have explained this countless times.

And then he will try and tell me how to be better at 'staying organised' or some other suggestion (usually how I could be better at something). I tell him that this makes me feel worse, and he doesn't get it. It makes me feel very inadequate.

I don't seem to make friends here that easily. There are a few people here and there but it's been difficult. DH thinks it's in my head and I should get out there and stop reading into things so much. I guess I do over analyse things... (like how many x's do you put on the end of a text?)

I think I can attribute our strain to being financially stressed big time, and I'll have to get more work. But this worries me because I've had a few bad experiences with working in the UK already... Has anyone experienced this either?

Anyway, there is some excellent advice on here, and I am going to try and be more positive and open minded because I'm sure he's feeling frustrated as well. Keep it comin' x x

Um, actually, I can relate so much to you post... My hubby is awesome, and a total *action* person, and I am a 'talk about how it feels with your girlfriends until you decide what to do' person - and he is just SO never gonna be one of my girlfriends! HA HA! And, um, they are not here... So, yeah. It can create clashes.
I must say tho, it has been over a year now, and he is much better about listening.
He even says, "Is this a Listen Thing baby?" and I say "YES, it is" and he smiles, and sits back, and he listens and nods! It is very cute, because I know how hard it is for him! And when I finish, he says, "Did I do OK listening baby?" and I say "Yes, thank you baby - but don't ruin it now." And he says, "OK baby."
So, it has become a joke.

And.... Ummmm... I have seriously been screwed over here, and had a few bad experiences here, on the work front.
More than once, I have worked, and never been paid.
I have had several other, different, bad experiences here, and I have never had anything like it happen to me in NYC.

I don't know if it my field, or a thing here, or I have just been unlucky, but it has happened.

I hope that he gets better about listening soon, cause all we do is fight. He's just so offensive and I can't seem to keep my opinion in sometimes... That's good your DH listens so well!

About the working thing, that's happened to me twice and DH's dad is an accountant and sorted it out. I was owed over £500! I never really believed it before when DH told me about it. So thank goodness I kept track of my hours. But to me that just adds on to the financial stress. I'm from NY too and that's never happened to me before. DH and his parents don't like to think that working in the US might be a better experience, they think it's just a coincedence what's happened here. But I don't know, now that you've said so as well..

You need to do something on your own.
Anything.
Take a Zumba class for like 6 quid once a week.

Trust me, it helps.

And as far as 'making friends' goes, you have to pick people that you like, and carefully, repeatedly, extend yourself to them. Do not wait for them to come to you, because they already have friends here. You have to extend yourself to them.

And, yes, one must always keep track of ones hours here, and in most work environments. In general.

It will be OK.

Try to ASK your partner to 'just listen' and see how that goes?

I decided this weekend to join the local ladies rugby team that is at my step son's rugby club. I've never played rugby in my life but I don't mind contact sport so am excited to give it a go. We start training this week. I also found a place to go do yoga for about 5 quid a session, so am going to do that as well. Just to get out and to meet people. At the yoga place I bring the average age down by about 15 years but what the heck, they all seem pretty nice and you have to start somewhere.

Things with DH have been going really, really well since I started this thread. I guess I just needed to get the feelings out there. Now just to find a job and I have to say, things will be just peachy!

Yeah, I think sometimes it's just good to vent here so that you can calmly talk out your issues later with your significant other.

This is something I've really tried hard to work on since I've gotten here. I don't know at what point I because so short fused, but I find myself getting easily annoyed. So I have to stop myself, take a deep breath and think "will it benefit the both of us if I go off on this particular issue...Can it be talked out calmly?" Some thing's I just don't find significant to fight about, others sometimes I just have to say, "look, apparently I'm not articulating myself clear enough, I need to walk away from this and cool down so I don't say something stupid...There is no reason to fight about this." But I tell you what, wouldn't be able to do it if it weren't for threads like this! 

Sometimes when I read stuff on this forum, I could swear I wrote it myself!  Certainly no one is alone in the stressful adjustment period.  I've got severe social anxiety, so my fear of doing something wrong and being humiliated is through the roof at times.  It can really be too much.

I know I've been irritable, which is not like me at all!  But I'm paranoid about everything, so I can snap at times.  God knows it's not my husband's fault, and he's a saint for tolerating it.  He says he doesn't get frustrated and just gets on with things.  Why can't I do that?  I am always so anxious... and very jealous of his coping mechanisms, haha.

You're right, though; these forums are such a help.  If not for hearing others' experiences here, I'd have thought I was insane for crying when I addressed an envelope wrong!  Yes, this is a thing I did, if it makes anyone feel better.  ;)  Stress can do so much to the body and mind.  You're definitely not the odd one out, Meghan, but I'm glad it seems you're finding ways to cope now.  I need to try more myself, but social anxiety makes it really hard.  I end up having to eat xanax in order to fend off panic attacks.

I decided this weekend to join the local ladies rugby team that is at my step son's rugby club. I've never played rugby in my life but I don't mind contact sport so am excited to give it a go. We start training this week. I also found a place to go do yoga for about 5 quid a session, so am going to do that as well. Just to get out and to meet people. At the yoga place I bring the average age down by about 15 years but what the heck, they all seem pretty nice and you have to start somewhere.

Things with DH have been going really, really well since I started this thread. I guess I just needed to get the feelings out there. Now just to find a job and I have to say, things will be just peachy!

ooh, those are some great ideas, Meghan! This summer when I was visiting in our new house/'hood, I found a gym nearby that I am going to join when I return. Also, both DH and I are runners. We've already decided which local running club we will join (he was a member there in the past) once I arrive. They do a lot of social functions outside of the group runs, too, so that will be fun. We have a cricket green right up the road from us and I see adult teams playing there (not sure if it's just friends or an actual league). You've inspired me to possibly find out about adult cricket leagues. I would love to learn how to play! DH isn't really into cricket (he's Scottish, so he doesn't "get" it), so maybe this could be "my thing" if that makes sense.

DH isn't really into cricket (he's Scottish, so he doesn't "get" it)

Just a quick flicker of pedantry to say that Scottishness and cricket aren't mutually exclusive!  
My Scottish boyfriend played cricket at school, and for his district up to his mid-20's.  And we live about a 5-minute walk from the West of Scotland Cricket Club, so we sometimes pop up and see what's happening when there's a match on.

I say go for it!  There's another UKY member (female) here who plays cricket and hockey and has made TONS of friends through her sport.  I know her real-life name, but I can't remember her UKY name.... hopefully she will see this and reply!

DH isn't really into cricket (he's Scottish, so he doesn't "get" it), so maybe this could be "my thing" if that makes sense.

My scottish husband found this a strange statement.  Cricket is certainly played and enjoyed by the Scottish.