Missing California

I've been here Uk since the end of April and gave birth to our first child in August a wonderful daughter named Hope Lavender. I am a brit but have just moved from California after living there for 15yrs. I'm finding I'm really homesick for the states, I miss the weather first and foremost, I miss the food, I miss my friends and I miss my huge house and 4x4 SUV. Everything seems gray, dull and dirty here, I can't stand the trash on the floors and the smoking everywhere. We moved so I could be a stay at home mum, without the need to worry about health insurance, as I provided it at home with my job. I know I did the right thing but still I can't help but miss my former life, I think I'm actually grieving. Is it going to get better??? Sorry to be such a downer, I just need a pick me up from those who have been in my shoes.

Thanks in Advance!

I haven't been exactly in your shoes but I don't blame you for feeling that way! My husband is from California and I do wonder a lot if we would have a better life living there instead of here.  I miss just having my trips over there to visit him (not that I would want ot go back to when we lived in different countries!).  I'm sure things will get better as you settle back into the UK way of life. Where are you living? I just had a baby too, maybe we can get together sometime (when i'm over the soreness!) and compare notes/have a grumble etc

Liz

Hi Liz,
 I'm in the Manchester area, we moved from Santa Barbara CA.. What part of CA is your hubby from? and does he miss it alot?

It will get better, it will take some time. You're adjusting to both the country and becoming a new mom, don't underestimate the culture shock (even if you were from the UK, 15 years is a long time) and all the emotions and hormones that come with being a new mom. The winter will probably hit you hard, too, so keep that in mind if around January it becomes even harder, with the constant rain and short days. But! It does get better, what you're going through, even the grieving, is normal, and you go through different stages along the way. Don't be afraid to talk about how you're feeling and also don't be afraid to seek counseling if it gets overwhelming - you have a lot on your plate and the move, while it brings all sorts of good things, is also something that creates a huge sense of loss and you do have to mourn and go through all that before you get to the point where you accept your new life and settle in happily.

Keep your chin up, we have all been there!

Hi Liz,
 I'm in the Manchester area, we moved from Santa Barbara CA.. What part of CA is your hubby from? and does he miss it alot?

My husband (who sometimes posts on here .. LondonHalo) is from Orange and yes he does miss it a lot. He's been here over a year now and he's made a lot of UK friends and has got into some very English pastimes (eg pubs and football) and makes up for not getting any Mexican food by having lots of curries instead. He doesn't seem quite as homesick as when he first moved here and I;m sure that's because he has made an effort to get into the swing of things.

you're a long way from us (in London) ... but  we've just bought a car so we might do some tripping around in thenext few months so I'll let you know if we come up your way. hey was it your hubby who posted on here ages ago about maybe opening a mexican restaurant in the mnachester area?

HI Ukmisgirl--

I am originally from the Los Angeles Area  and   I think Santa Barbara is very beautiful! You were lucky to be able to have lived there. It is pretty expensive to do.

I have been here  for 3 months and it can be   pretty difficult to adjust...

I am a newlywed and the thought of having children here  really scares  me to death!  I went  to the dentist today and  I thought that was  pretty backward enough..
anyway..sorry.. 

I have been lucky enough  to make freinds here  as well and have also  been on other  expats  sites.  It is  reassuring  to  know there are others trying to adjust as well.  Congratualtions on your new  addition!  you have  done it before and you were wonderful  at adjusting..  I agree with those who say it is a mindset.

Some days are easier than others  and when they are not.. you always have  us!!
Welcome  back!

Hi Joanne,

I was born in San Francisco but have lived in NY since I was 3... I have always wanted to go back and live there and I'll finally get the chance to once my British fiancee and I are married this coming July. My fiancee is VERY stoked to move there {and so am I!}

Sorry to hear you are missing home. I lived in England for under 1 year and altho I enjoyed it very much; I dont think I could ever live there permanently. It is too cold for me!

I hope your homesickness eases up soon; keep posting here and all of us will try and cheer you up!

{I *adore* your baby girls name!}

Love, Alisha 

You guys are AWESOME!!!! Thanks to all of you for taking the time out to write.

Alisha - San Francisco is one of my favourite places on earth! Have a gheridelli ice-cream for me.

Azroomie - Thanks for the input, I like LA too, just the traffic can be too much, Santa Monica and Malibu are my favourite spots. Having a baby here was wonderful, the after care was incredible, I do understand your apprehension but I have to say they are definately up to date on babies and delivery here.

Stella Marie - Thanks for putting things in perspective, I feel 'normal' again.

Liz - Orange county is also a nice spot, my hubby is the native Californian and he has taken to England like a duck to water.. go figure!

Just to add - I don't think it helps that 'everyone' and I mean 'everyone' who we meet likes to say, 'why on earth did you move here?' or 'are you mad?' Gets old after a while.

I know what you mean!! Stu gets that a lot too and I get "why on earth didn't you want to move there?" (- well actually I did want to move there, but for various reasons it seemed easier for him to come here at the time).

When I first moved here, I remember being shocked at darkness coming at 4.30 in the winter. I dont ever remember that happening in CA.  I think my most depressed times were after the birth of my first son with no family around to help and no real friends about either (other than work friends and they don't really count IMO). It is a tough time and you have my utmost sympathy....

After the quick arrival of son number 2, (a mere 16 months later), I told my midwife that I needed another American to talk to...and she went and found one for me in the next village! We've been firm friends ever since and although I've got my own British friends now, I still have a special relationship with my yank friend (who came from the Bay Area like myself so we can moan about the lack of quality chinese food in this area!  ). And that's lovely as well...it'll get better. I've heard on here that sometimes a grief process kicks in after the first 6 months of moving here...

Hey,
I am from Sacramento and I now live in Cheshire. I can understand about missing all the things back there. I love it here, but do miss the food, weather, coffee houses, and other things.  It will get better. Try and focus on the good things here. The slower pace of life. The fact that you can stay home and be a mum.  Also, if you really cant get past it, you can always move back in a few years.
Hang in there,
Kelli

I just got back online after moving to sunny Darwen *lol* and i must say, some of these threads shocked me. Once or twice ive read people talking about being upset over the move as "mourning" and possibly seeking "counselling". I see it as, if you feel that you're mourning over the move and needing counselling over it, being here probably isnt the best thing for you and looking into the possiblity of moving BACK to the States or where ever you originated from.

I've been here for 6 weeks and im loving every moment. Now, i do have a plus side for myself... I moved into a HUGE family who willingly accepted us and never treated us as strangers. Yes, i have had my moments of weakness and cried my many tears over the family and friend i DID leave but i far from regret the decision. I love my family as if i have grown up with them for the past 18years ... and i do have a love interest over here too who doesnt see himself living in Chester (or England) for his life.

In general, im very happy with the move and i look forward to continuing my life here. I hope i didnt come off as rude or opinated, and if anyone needs to talk about the move that they are making or intending to make i am here to talk to. Native from Long Beach, Cali! ORANGE COUNTY FOREVA!!!!

Excuse me, but you did come off as rude.  You're 18 and you've only been here 6 weeks? I will bite my tongue.

Native from Long Beach, Cali! ORANGE COUNTY FOREVA!!!!

Brtibound - you've been here 6 weeks and you've forgotten what county Long Beach is in?

as for the main part of your post ...