Greetings from a potential citizen/resident

Yeah .....there is that......we range between around £1000 a month up to %$*##&@&!! in a bad month. My point was.....if we can do it here in Harrogate, it should be a little cheaper in other places. Now.....if you put rent etc into the equation.....all bets are off. If £2000 is your total range for the month.....including rent......good luck.

yeah, unfortunately my after tax income will be somewhere between $2,200-2,500 per month for everything.

where have you been all my life?   

I know you are right.  I just need some things to be worked through before I make a final decision.  but that's also why I am asking, to see if it is actually doable..

I totally get that it's a big jump and it can be overwhelming/intimidating and a lot to think on and it's certainly not something that you can/should take lightly. I merely just meant that it becomes a LOT harder when you have more things to bog you down. It seems like right now would be the best time to make this leap if you were going to do it. Best of luck with whatever you decide

If you think you have some time where you don't need to work, perhaps try staying here in an Airbnb or something and seeing how it feels going about every day life as best as you can (use that time to work on your own personal projects perhaps if you have any). Think of it as taking an extended holiday WITH your dog!

Rooting for you!

I'm a bit worried about your move and would agree a lot with the "come for a visit with your dog first" train of thought.  I don't think you are healed yet, and throwing in the complications of a full scale move to the UK is only going to add in more complications.  Even at the best of times, such a move can be lonely and traumatic , and you would be piling that on top of your already considerable problems.   Sorry if I missed it, but what about your kids?  If you move here to retire, that relationship will be seriously minimized.   You may never see them again. 

It's fine to dream, but I think you've got to focus on getting happy again and healing yourself first.  If you are desperate to move, do it temporarily within the US.  England will still be here later. 

Have you thought about talking to a professional to help you figure out how to achieve the peace you seek?  That's only going to come from inside your own head and where you are isn't going to make that much of a difference.  I'd consider finding a counselor who can help you do that first.  You sound like you are seriously hurting. 

Good luck and welcome to the forum!

I'm a bit worried about your move and would agree a lot with the "come for a visit with your dog first" train of thought.  I don't think you are healed yet, and throwing in the complications of a full scale move to the UK is only going to add in more complications.  Even at the best of times, such a move can be lonely and traumatic , and you would be piling that on top of your already considerable problems.   Sorry if I missed it, but what about your kids?  If you move here to retire, that relationship will be seriously minimized.   You may never see them again. 

It's fine to dream, but I think you've got to focus on getting happy again and healing yourself first.  If you are desperate to move, do it temporarily within the US.  England will still be here later. 

Have you thought about talking to a professional to help you figure out how to achieve the peace you seek?  That's only going to come from inside your own head and where you are isn't going to make that much of a difference.  I'd consider finding a counselor who can help you do that first.  You sound like you are seriously hurting. 

Good luck and welcome to the forum!

Thank you for the feedback

The kids are part of the reason I want to move well away from the area.  They have been manipulated by their mother, and have been a complete disappointment during this whole thing.

When I asked my oldest to let the youngest move in with him until things got worked out, he sent me an 8,000 word dissertation on why he couldn't.  the only appropriate answer is "yes".  his failure to be willing to help his younger brother is a disgrace.  and this is after paying all of his college, including two extra years because of grade issues, and for a masters degree in teaching on top of it.

When I tried to help the middle one move her items from the living room to her car, for her move back to school, she yelled at me for helping, and the turned around and said "I am going to murder someone".  she contacted my attorney and complained when I tried to pay her car insurance.  talk about being ungrateful!  this is after paying her full ride to college, and even for the two extra semesters she had to take, because she wasn't paying attention to the graduation requirements.

And my youngest just out and out lied to me about where he was.  He told me on the phone that he was at home, and when I had the house checked, it was obvious that he hadn't been there for weeks.  I have so far had to pay for almost three years of community college, because this very smart kid is too lazy to do well in school.  that and another two years I will probably have to pay for, just so he can get a degree, in god knows what.

I love all three of them (and their mother) with everything I am, but some betrayals you can not walk back from.

I want nothing to do with any of them, ever again.

I already know how to get the peace I am seeking.  it is to compartimentalize and put this nonsense completely away in my past.  It ha worked well for other things that have happened in my life, and I know it will work again. 

a former friend of mine was a social worker, and we talked in the past about "my life".  She agreed that this approach seems to work well for me, even if it isn't usually what works for everyone.

and in reality, it is all I can do anyway.

I have thought about just doing a big move here in the US, and looked at several places already.  but my work has taken me all over the states, and no place in this country is calling out to me.

 

I won't comment about your personal situation nor anybody else's but I just want to chime in quickly RE this last part and say "hurt people hurt people". I imagine your children are lashing out from a place of hurt and I'm sure they too could really benefit from professional help as well but if they are all adults, they need to come to that conclusion for themselves unfortunately. You can only worry about you. I am not trying to justify any behaviours, by the way.

I won't comment about your personal situation nor anybody else's but I just want to chime in quickly RE this last part and say "hurt people hurt people". I imagine your children are lashing out from a place of hurt and I'm sure they too could really benefit from professional help as well but if they are all adults, they need to come to that conclusion for themselves unfortunately. You can only worry about you. I am not trying to justify any behaviours, by the way.

I appreciate your comments, and I know that you are right.

I am a child of divorce (I was 11), and know just how painful the whole thing can be.  I lived through our parents trying to use me and my sister as pawns, and refuse to let that happen with my kids.  even if it means I loose all contact with them.

but I also never treated either of my parents the way my kids have treated me. like their mother, they have taken for granted everything I have done for them over the years.  they are all over 21, and have to live with the decisions they have made.

me?  I am moving on regardless of who is, or is no longer in my life.

I appreciate your comments, and I know that you are right.

I am a child of divorce (I was 11), and know just how painful the whole thing can be.  I lived through our parents trying to use me and my sister as pawns, and refuse to let that happen with my kids.  even if it means I loose all contact with them.

but I also never treated either of my parents the way my kids have treated me. like their mother, they have taken for granted everything I have done for them over the years.  they are all over 21, and have to live with the decisions they have made.

me?  I am moving on regardless of who is, or is no longer in my life.

I am truly sorry that you're having to deal with all this drama and I do hope that whatever you choose to do it brings you true happiness

My two cents:  Don't burn any bridges with your kids.  You can't write them off because they have been rude and ungrateful.  That's what kids do until they grow up. 

My two cents:  Don't burn any bridges with your kids.  You can't write them off because they have been rude and ungrateful.  That's what kids do until they grow up.

too late.  the deed is done...

yeah, unfortunately my after tax income will be somewhere between $2,200-2,500 per month for everything.

And you will lose about 40% of that with the exchange rate.

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And you will lose about 40% of that with the exchange rate.

Not quite. The current exchange rate has $2000 at just under £1500. That's a decent monthly income.

If I were you, noneatall, I would come over here, buy a camper or large truck of some kind, and travel around exploring, seeing if you find a place you'd be happy to live. If it doesn't work out, sell the camper and go back to the US. At worst, you'll have had a cool adventure.

Not quite. The current exchange rate has $2000 at just under £1500. That's a decent monthly income.

If I were you, noneatall, I would come over here, buy a camper or large truck of some kind, and travel around exploring, seeing if you find a place you'd be happy to live. If it doesn't work out, sell the camper and go back to the US. At worst, you'll have had a cool adventure.

Great idea.  But I shudder to think what the insurance on that would be for someone with a USA license and no permanent address.

Not quite. The current exchange rate has $2000 at just under £1500. That's a decent monthly income.

If I were you, noneatall, I would come over here, buy a camper or large truck of some kind, and travel around exploring, seeing if you find a place you'd be happy to live. If it doesn't work out, sell the camper and go back to the US. At worst, you'll have had a cool adventure.

funny you suggest that.  I had been considering the nomad lifestyle here in the US.  Find a reasonable RV of some sort, and spend my time moving from Walmart parking lot to parking lot.  I've watched an awful lot of videos from the US and the UK about that, and I get the impression that I might spend more time driving from place to place, than actually taking in a place to live for a few weeks.  kinda more like existing than living.  but I have the notion that it might be a different story in the UK.  not based on any facts, just an impression.

I have looked and seen some reasonable campers for sale in the UK, but also worry about what the insurance would cost.

I have so many ideas, and so little clue...

The insurance probably would be expensive, as would fuel. But would they be more than rent?

The insurance probably would be expensive, as would fuel. But would they be more than rent?

I would think it would still be cheaper than rent.  JF may have a realistic idea.  Though her husband is British, so his wouldn't have been as high.