Inlaws...

Saw the inlaws today for the first time in two months...

No sign of any acknowledgement of the husbands 40th that happened, but nothing new there.

Anyways, was showing MIL the family photos we had done last month.  Asked if she wanted any.  She looked through and showed me three she would like.  Photos of my husband, daughter, and son.  I asked, “Did you want one of the ones of the 4 of us?”  She said “No, just those three.”.  Point made!

 

Wow,is she always like that?

I would only gether printsof ones with you in it. You're doing her a favor.

OMG!
 

 

I would only get her prints of ones with you in it. You're doing her a favor.

Yeah, totally!

Wow I know your in laws aren’t great, but talk about a slap in the face. So sorry!


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I promise they are genuinely nice...  if a bit thick.  They just don’t seem to value family the same way.

For Christmas, BIL gave them three pictures of the other granddaughter.  Granted they are large 8x10 ish, but beautifully presented.  It’s June 17th and it’s obvious they aren’t going to be hung.  But they have pictures and paintings of their dogs everywhere...   

My husband said he was sorry that she said that.  Didn’t make any excuses which I’m happy about.

Oh well.  This is why I don’t push harder for them to be involved.

I promise they are genuinely nice...  if a bit thick.  They just don’t seem to value family the same way.

For Christmas, BIL gave them three pictures of the other granddaughter.  Granted they are large 8x10 ish, but beautifully presented.  It’s July 17th and it’s obvious they aren’t going to be hung.  But they have pictures and paintings of their dogs everywhere...   

My husband said he was sorry that she said that.  Didn’t make any excuses which I’m happy about.

Oh well.  This is why I don’t push harder for them to be involved.

Wow. Just wow.

If it makes you feel any better, my in-laws still have a couple photos of my husband’s ex-wife up. 

My husband has repeatedly asked his mother to take the two photos down, but she just doesn’t want to because it’s all the females in the family in the photo. It’s rare that they are all together. I can see her point. It just really bothers my husband, and they just don’t get why he’s so bothered. 

Oddly enough, they also have lots of framed photos and a painting of the family dog 

My husband has repeatedly asked his mother to take the two photos down, but she just doesn’t want to because it’s all the females in the family in the photo. It’s rare that they are all together. I can see her point. It just really bothers my husband, and they just don’t get why he’s so bothered. 

Oddly enough, they also have lots of framed photos and a painting of the family dog 

Ugh, photos of the ex is pretty grim.  Did they have kids together?  I can *kind of* understand if she's the mother of their grandchildren...  But still...  They don't need to toss the photos.  Just don't display them.

What's with the dogs?  Seriously, a sketch of their dog is above the fireplace....

The photos your MIL selected is a pretty glaring statement, I agree.  But not acknowledging their son's 40th birthday?  What?  I don't even understand that one!  It's not even about you.  It's about family, like you said... they don't care?  Were they possessed by alien body-snatchers?  Maybe it's not really his parents anymore.

Wow. Just wow.

If it makes you feel any better, my in-laws still have a couple photos of my husband’s ex-wife up. 

My husband has repeatedly asked his mother to take the two photos down, but she just doesn’t want to because it’s all the females in the family in the photo. It’s rare that they are all together. I can see her point. It just really bothers my husband, and they just don’t get why he’s so bothered. 

Oddly enough, they also have lots of framed photos and a painting of the family dog 

You guys are making me realize that I am so lucky in the in-law department.  Well, I mean, they did serve me ham with gravy.  But other than that!

Ugh, photos of the ex is pretty grim.  Did they have kids together?  I can *kind of* understand if she's the mother of their grandchildren...  But still...  They don't need to toss the photos.  Just don't display them.

What's with the dogs?  Seriously, a sketch of their dog is above the fireplace....

Nope, no children, but funny story about that! The ex wife did go off her birth control and not tell him though. He only found out after a mutual friend made a casual comment about an app the ex was using to track when she was most fertile. That was the summer before he filed for divorce, and he suspects that was her last ditch effort to keep him from leaving. 

My in-laws are lovely people, and I can understand wanting to keep the photo because their family is rarely altogether, but just as you said - keep it but don’t display it.

I honestly think the photos of the dog are the most recent photos they have up! They have photos up of my nephews that are so outdated. The most recent photo of my sister in law is from her prom that was about seven years ago. Although they were excited to see all our wedding photos and mentioned a few that they want to order and put up in the house. 

Nope, no children, but funny story about that! The ex wife did go off her birth control and not tell him though. He only found out after a mutual friend made a casual comment about an app the ex was using to track when she was most fertile. That was the summer before he filed for divorce, and he suspects that was her last ditch effort to keep him from leaving. 

My in-laws are lovely people, and I can understand wanting to keep the photo because their family is rarely altogether, but just as you said - keep it but don’t display it.

I honestly think the photos of the dog are the most recent photos they have up! They have photos up of my nephews that are so outdated. The most recent photo of my sister in law is from her prom that was about seven years ago. Although they were excited to see all our wedding photos and mentioned a few that they want to order and put up in the house. 

Ugh, hearing about women trying to trap a man with a child really angers me.  Grrr.  Glad he's got you now!

I know in my heart, that my MIL didn't mean anything by her comment.  But it really does just solidify why I don't push things.  In my first marriage, my mom put unnecessary pressure on me to "try hard" with my inlaws.  And I've learned from that.  If people want to be in your life, they'll make the effort.  Simple as.  (Those here who know me in real life can tell you I absolutely put in effort).

Oh, and to add, my husband wants to do family photos with his family this summer (all of us).  Frankly, this just solidifies my point of "why bother." 

Ugh, hearing about women trying to trap a man with a child really angers me.  Grrr.  Glad he's got you now!

I know in my heart, that my MIL didn't mean anything by her comment.  But it really does just solidify why I don't push things.  In my first marriage, my mom put unnecessary pressure on me to "try hard" with my inlaws.  And I've learned from that.  If people want to be in your life, they'll make the effort.  Simple as.  (Those here who know me in real life can tell you I absolutely put in effort).

Oh, and to add, my husband wants to do family photos with his family this summer (all of us).  Frankly, this just solidifies my point of "why bother."

I can understand making the effort, but when their effort doesn’t match yours it is so disheartening. It quickly reaches the point that it feels like wasted energy.

Hopefully the family photos will go smoothly if they do happen this summer. Who knows, she might eventually come around and make an effort one day!

I can understand making the effort, but when their effort doesn’t match yours it is so disheartening. It quickly reaches the point that it feels like wasted energy.

Hopefully the family photos will go smoothly if they do happen this summer. Who knows, she might eventually come around and make an effort one day!

Meh, she's mid-70's.  Great health and physical shape.  But in her head, she thinks she's very old.

But they don't want to spend Christmas together anymore, etc.  It's just a bit too cold for me at this point.

Future Hubby and I were living in another country.  We travelled to England and he travelled over and brought his mother to England to meet me.  I knew there was a problem when she refused to get out of the taxi when she arrived.  At that time I had a flat in a Victorian house (and in anticipation of her arrival I had the bathroom re-done, bought various items etc).  Some of the occupants of the other flats came out to greet and welcome her.  She was not impressed.

It went from bad to worse.  She hated England and wouldn't eat anything.  She survived on black coffee and cigarettes while she was here.  She had "forgotten" to bring her hearing aids which meant she could pick and choose what she could hear.  She would wait until future hubby went out of the room before she would make the most awful comments, all said with a smile.

We took her to Whitby, which she hated.  She waited until Future Hubby was in the men's bathroom and she took hold of my shoulders, turned me to her, brought her face down to mine and threatened me re my relationship with Future hubby.  Of course, when Future Hubby asked her about this event she said she had no recollection.  She told me that I was a very stupid woman as I would lose Future Hubby because I was upsetting her.

She was informed that we were married after the fact - and she was not happy.  Not interested in photos or the DVD.  Christmas cards would come for hubby, but not for me.   Hubby had more than one little chat with her.

I decided that I would be sweet and lovely.  I could afford to be.

Fast forward.  The woman is in her 80s and is due for a hip replacement.  My birthday was last week and she sent three different birthday greetings.  My name has now appeared on Christmas cards. 

The saying is, "When someone shows themselves to you, believe them." And I know who she is.  How sad she chose to be that way.  It could have been wonderful.  Instead she is alone the other side of the Atlantic.

Future Hubby and I were living in another country.  We travelled to England and he travelled over and brought his mother to England to meet me.  I knew there was a problem when she refused to get out of the taxi when she arrived.  At that time I had a flat in a Victorian house (and in anticipation of her arrival I had the bathroom re-done, bought various items etc).  Some of the occupants of the other flats came out to greet and welcome her.  She was not impressed.

It went from bad to worse.  She hated England and wouldn't eat anything.  She survived on black coffee and cigarettes while she was here.  She had "forgotten" to bring her hearing aids which meant she could pick and choose what she could hear.  She would wait until future hubby went out of the room before she would make the most awful comments, all said with a smile.

We took her to Whitby, which she hated.  She waited until Future Hubby was in the men's bathroom and she took hold of my shoulders, turned me to her, brought her face down to mine and threatened me re my relationship with Future hubby.  Of course, when Future Hubby asked her about this event she said she had no recollection.  She told me that I was a very stupid woman as I would lose Future Hubby because I was upsetting her.

She was informed that we were married after the fact - and she was not happy.  Not interested in photos or the DVD.  Christmas cards would come for hubby, but not for me.   Hubby had more than one little chat with her.

I decided that I would be sweet and lovely.  I could afford to be.

Fast forward.  The woman is in her 80s and is due for a hip replacement.  My birthday was last week and she sent three different birthday greetings.  My name has now appeared on Christmas cards. 

The saying is, "When someone shows themselves to you, believe them." And I know who she is.  How sad she chose to be that way.  It could have been wonderful.  Instead she is alone the other side of the Atlantic.

Oh, wow. 

I’m so sorry that your mother in law is not receptive. It may sound terrible to say, but when someone is that rotten and bitter, I don’t feel they are worth the effort. Just be polite and cordial. Although it doesn’t seem completely grim considering she has sent birthday greetings and put your name on Christmas cards. 

And how does one not enjoy Whitby? It’s a beautiful little seaside place with some lovely history. My husband took me there last summer because it’s where my father in law is from. I love it, and my only regret is not indulging in the Dracula attraction they have set up. 

Saw the inlaws today for the first time in two months...

No sign of any acknowledgement of the husbands 40th that happened, but nothing new there.

Anyways, was showing MIL the family photos we had done last month.  Asked if she wanted any.  She looked through and showed me three she would like.  Photos of my husband, daughter, and son.  I asked, “Did you want one of the ones of the 4 of us?”  She said “No, just those three.”.  Point made!

 

I am so sorry KFD. It would not have hurt her to take one of the four of you even if she didn't actually want it. Aside from being hurtful, that was just really impolite.