Just had my first UK driving experience...

  And I don't like it that my car shuts off while I'm stopped so I stop it from doing that by keeping my foot on the clutch.

You should be able to disable that eco 'feature'.  My new car does that, and I hate it, but I can just push a button that stops it switching off.

You should be able to disable that eco 'feature'.  My new car does that, and I hate it, but I can just push a button that stops it switching off.

I've never looked because I accepted that it just does that.

I hate it so much because I don't understand it. And I panic because I don't want my car to not start back up when it's time to go.

Plus overuse of the hand brake... What's that all about? It's called an emergency brake in the US because we only use it in an emergency or for parking.

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I've never looked because I accepted that it just does that.

I hate it so much because I don't understand it. And I panic because I don't want my car to not start back up when it's time to go.

Plus overuse of the hand brake... What's that all about? It's called an emergency brake in the US because we only use it in an emergency or for parking.

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I don't get the hand brake at all! That has been one of the hard things for me to learn from the instructor.

My automatic has the eco mode and I use it to save gas/emissions but I got used to it quickly and know how to disable it when I need to pull out quickly.


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I don't get the hand brake at all! That has been one of the hard things for me to learn from the instructor.

My automatic has the eco mode and I use it to save gas/emissions but I got used to it quickly and know how to disable it when I need to pull out quickly.


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I only needed the handbrake for some hill starts when I took my test because I couldn't figure out how to keep the car going. Now I rarely use it. 😃

I drove around Ireland (in an automatic) in 2006 and ended up a single track road, had the cars piled up behind me as I was driving like a granny, my then partner who was too scared to drive himself was giving me all kinds of sh*t for driving too slow and so I went to speed up and went off into a ditch and caused 300 euros worth of damage to a hire car.
So you can imagine how nervous I was trying to drive here when I moved in 2008.

I drove manual in the US , so that didn't scare me, but I was a bit freaked after the Ireland experience. 1st experience driving here was with a driving instructor and it all seemed fine and we worked through roundabouts and things.  She was great, so driving instructors are awesome. So I highly recommend finding one too. Glad your hubby is patient, you will get it down in no time, you really will. 

And well,   2nd experience was me and a salesman of a car dealership as I test drove cars to buy.  I was really scared that I was going to bash the car up driving around test driving, and I had one moment of horn honking in a roundabout, but the salesman shot the guy a dirty look and shouted at him.
Turns out this Scottish salesman was trying to earn enough money for his wedding and to move to Minnesota, where he had pregnant bride waiting for him.    Maybe he was fibbing to sell me the car, hahaha, as I bought that car it in the end. Oh I loved that Honda Civic, which died a sad death in wintry roads in rural Morayshire.

As we get proper wintry conditions here and I live in the countryside, we now have a Land Rover Freelander and it's a beast and an absolute dream.  We're Land Rover people now, the only thing we want to buy ever again. 

I had a good cry and a mini self pity party.

Sometimes that's exactly what you need!

I honestly think I'm overwhelmed, because I'm having issues with my money's wire transfer (my husband STILL hasn't received the money I sent two weeks ago) I've contacted the bank about it, and it apparently didn't send for DAYS after I filled in the paperwork due to Labor Day...and his bank can take a few business days to receive it...I'm living off my couple hundred pounds I exchanged into cash, and I'd expected my savings to be here by now. I'm in panic mode. I had to buy a desk, and a few things for the apartment that I wanted so I've spent more than half of what I brought, thinking that my savings would arrive by now. It hasn't, and now I'm freaking out.

That sounds incredibly frustrating! Who did you transfer with? Did they give you any type of idea of when it'll come into his account? Try not to panic!

I think I'm still jet-lagged. Maybe I should've waited to try driving, but I feel like my state of mind switched after that. It was my first real "You can't go back, you're here now deal with it" and it frightened me. This isn't to say I regret it or I want to go back home for real, I'm well aware that I need to adjust to it all. I just think my emotions are just all over the place. And I'm sad and I want to call my dad but it's only 6am back home. My dad taught me how to drive when I was 15. I didn't think I'd have to do it all over again! Now I'm in the UK totally unaware of everything. I'll get there I think it's just hitting me and I just got here. My phone number is still temporary, I had to switch my automatic withdrawals to Tom's card because my card is "blocked in the UK," my money hasn't arrived, I can't drive, and I've got no idea how to get around town yet.

While I'm a firm believer of not waiting too long to start driving, I typically mean more like don't wait too many months to start (if you're settling in fine - it will all be dependent on that as the longer it takes you to settle, the longer you should put off driving if possible), not days :p I honestly think that you need to adjust to even just being a passenger on the roads here first THEN try driving. Don't let your brain think you *can't* go back because - at the end of the day - you CAN go back if you want to...but don't let a bit of pre-mature driving anxiety scare you out of the country (I know you're not but don't tell yourself that you really *can't* go back and that there are no other options, because there are always other options so no need to panic). I always ask myself "what's the worst case scenario that can happen here?", "What is in my control to do?" and "How can I fix this in the event of a worse case scenario?". For me, being overly-prepared, knowing full-well it would never come to my plan B or C, really helped me stay calm (still does in new situations).

Try to just relax and take things slow. Start with the very basics and with stuff that is in your control. Explore your new town. Just take walks to the nearest pub or to a corner shop or a coffee shop (if there are any near you). If there are none near you, maybe just take a bus route to the area with the shops just to become familiar.

Also, don't worry about ranting and complaining. That is partly what we're here for! Sometimes you just need to let it out!

You can do this!! (sorry if this is repetitive as I see there's now 4 pages of comments and I'm just responding while reading through them so not sure if other people have already suggested this). I can't read the other pages just yet (keeps giving me an error message!) but will try to refresh and look again.

 

Transferwise is the way to go for money transfers. 

Completely agree with this. I ALWAYS use Transferwise I need to use it monthly to send student loan bill money across to my US account and it's super easy/straightforward and gets done immediately. Obviously won't help you now, but if you need to send money back to the US (or elsewhere outside the UK) in future, it's the way to go!

Remember that you are married now, and you can lean on your spouse for financial assistance. Even if you plan to pay them back, it's OK to ask. I know as a super independent person that's been the hardest thing for me. I'm probably going to be in a period of forced unemployment due to illness and have no choice but to lean on him.

Just want to say that this was one of the hardest things for me as well! I felt so useless at points - even when I was working and contributing -  because it just felt like I wasn't doing enough compared to my husband (who was working a shifts at the time so getting shift allowance on top and had been at the company for 8 or 9 years at that point). There was no way I could even remotely begin to put in as much within the a few months of being in a new country at my first "real" job as somebody who had built a career for nearly a decade and got extra for shift work on top. Realistically, I should have been okay with leaning on my husband....but I couldn't help but beat myself up about it while feeling guilty. As KF said elsewhere, be kind to yourself.

Didn't you have a clash with Sirius that because you had two speeding tickets you should burn in the depths of hell? 

I literally can't stop grinning at my desk after reading that hahaha

I  am such a celebrity!

I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

All right, I've had enough!  I hereby challenge Sirius to an epic public battle of some sort, with the looser giving £25 to charity.  Just like Logan Paul and KSI.
 
We could do it at the blizzard party if you guys can find a venue with a Turkish wrestling ring

I know Logan Paul is that muppet that was super disrespectful while in Japan, but who is KSI?? I'm assuming another Youtuber? What is this epic public battle?? And how do you know about it?! hah

Funnily enough, I only found out that wrestling was a big thing in Turkey when we asked my Turkish friend what types of sports are big in Turkey as we genuinely couldn't think of anything specific we remember Turkey being big for. Didn't realise it was like these pictures though...damn.

I know Logan Paul is that muppet that was super disrespectful while in Japan, but who is KSI?? I'm assuming another Youtuber? What is this epic public battle?? And how do you know about it?! hah

What?!  Even I know about the boxing event between Logan Paul and KSI a couple of weeks ago.  BBC News reported about it!

What?!  Even I know about the boxing event between Logan Paul and KSI a couple of weeks ago.  BBC News reported about it!

BUT WHO IS KSI?! And why is Logan Paul still relevant?! He's proven to not be such a great person!

Sometimes that's exactly what you need!

That sounds incredibly frustrating! Who did you transfer with? Did they give you any type of idea of when it'll come into his account? Try not to panic!

While I'm a firm believer of not waiting too long to start driving, I typically mean more like don't wait too many months to start (if you're settling in fine - it will all be dependent on that as the longer it takes you to settle, the longer you should put off driving if possible), not days :p I honestly think that you need to adjust to even just being a passenger on the roads here first THEN try driving. Don't let your brain think you *can't* go back because - at the end of the day - you CAN go back if you want to...but don't let a bit of pre-mature driving anxiety scare you out of the country (I know you're not but don't tell yourself that you really *can't* go back and that there are no other options, because there are always other options so no need to panic). I always ask myself "what's the worst case scenario that can happen here?", "What is in my control to do?" and "How can I fix this in the event of a worse case scenario?". For me, being overly-prepared, knowing full-well it would never come to my plan B or C, really helped me stay calm (still does in new situations).

Try to just relax and take things slow. Start with the very basics and with stuff that is in your control. Explore your new town. Just take walks to the nearest pub or to a corner shop or a coffee shop (if there are any near you). If there are none near you, maybe just take a bus route to the area with the shops just to become familiar.

Also, don't worry about ranting and complaining. That is partly what we're here for! Sometimes you just need to let it out!

You can do this!! (sorry if this is repetitive as I see there's now 4 pages of comments and I'm just responding while reading through them so not sure if other people have already suggested this). I can't read the other pages just yet (keeps giving me an error message!) but will try to refresh and look again.

I get really restless, just sitting around all day which is what I've been doing for about 3 days. I don't want to get depressed or bored! Today I'm going out to explore a bit more! I think I just needed to sit down and be sad for a couple days. Now that I'd one it, enough of that! I hate that Tom's at work all day and I'm here being useless, and not really contributing much.


In regard to my money, turns out the transfer was rejected due to incompetent people at my credit union back in the states.  So now I'll have to access the money through an ATM from my US account until I use transferwise. I want to test the site first, since I've never used it, but since all if you are recommending it, I'll follow ya'lls advice!

It helps, at least, to know where my money is. For a while it was not in my account or in Tom's account and it's literally ALL of my money so I was panicking. I've spent a few hundred pounds on various things for the apartment, ie. a desk for myself, a chair, etc. Expecting my money to arrive in the account when all along it had been rejected. I was told it was approved....then I was told it was rejected. My online banking still isn't working either......so we've been trying to get that fixed for days now.  I have a temp solution to at least access my money until I can transfer it properly.

This is an absolute nightmare, but I am trying not to let it get to me too much. I think maybe I jumped in too soon, I don't know. I went from 100-0 real quick! I'm not used to "not having anything to do"

You guys weren't kidding, this is rough. I wish ya'll lived a bit closer!

I get really restless, just sitting around all day which is what I've been doing for about 3 days. I don't want to get depressed or bored! Today I'm going out to explore a bit more! I think I just needed to sit down and be sad for a couple days. Now that I'd one it, enough of that! I hate that Tom's at work all day and I'm here being useless, and not really contributing much.


In regard to my money, turns out the transfer was rejected due to incompetent people at my credit union back in the states.  So now I'll have to access the money through an ATM from my US account until I use transferwise. I want to test the site first, since I've never used it, but since all if you are recommending it, I'll follow ya'lls advice!

It helps, at least, to know where my money is. For a while it was not in my account or in Tom's account and it's literally ALL of my money so I was panicking. I've spent a few hundred pounds on various things for the apartment, ie. a desk for myself, a chair, etc. Expecting my money to arrive in the account when all along it had been rejected. I was told it was approved....then I was told it was rejected. My online banking still isn't working either......so we've been trying to get that fixed for days now.  I have a temp solution to at least access my money until I can transfer it properly.

This is an absolute nightmare, but I am trying not to let it get to me too much. I think maybe I jumped in too soon, I don't know. I went from 100-0 real quick! I'm not used to "not having anything to do"

You guys weren't kidding, this is rough. I wish ya'll lived a bit closer!

I can attest to Transferwise too.

I sat around doing nothing for awhile too. The couch now has a permanent indent from my butt.

It helps even if you get out for short periods of time. I enjoyed walking around town, people watching, having a coffee, nibbling through charity shops.

It can be rough and I hid all of my stuff from Stuart because I didn't want him to worry about me. I knew I needed time to adjust and I didn't need him thinking I was just going to go home because I couldn't make it here.

I've been here a year and a half now, employed for a year, and I'm so much happier. I miss my kids desperately but I have no desire to move back to the US. This is my home now.

You will get there. I promise.

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I get really restless, just sitting around all day which is what I've been doing for about 3 days. I don't want to get depressed or bored! Today I'm going out to explore a bit more! I think I just needed to sit down and be sad for a couple days. Now that I'd one it, enough of that! I hate that Tom's at work all day and I'm here being useless, and not really contributing much.


In regard to my money, turns out the transfer was rejected due to incompetent people at my credit union back in the states.  So now I'll have to access the money through an ATM from my US account until I use transferwise. I want to test the site first, since I've never used it, but since all if you are recommending it, I'll follow ya'lls advice!

It helps, at least, to know where my money is. For a while it was not in my account or in Tom's account and it's literally ALL of my money so I was panicking. I've spent a few hundred pounds on various things for the apartment, ie. a desk for myself, a chair, etc. Expecting my money to arrive in the account when all along it had been rejected. I was told it was approved....then I was told it was rejected. My online banking still isn't working either......so we've been trying to get that fixed for days now.  I have a temp solution to at least access my money until I can transfer it properly.

This is an absolute nightmare, but I am trying not to let it get to me too much. I think maybe I jumped in too soon, I don't know. I went from 100-0 real quick! I'm not used to "not having anything to do"

You guys weren't kidding, this is rough. I wish ya'll lived a bit closer!

Transferwise should be relatively quick and painless to use! Not sure if it's harder with higher amounts of money, but perhaps you could transfer it via smaller bits? I can at least say, if you do smaller bits, it should get there within a few days. It's better that its been rejected and you know where it is (as you said) than have it just disappear or go into the wrong account. it's definitely annoying, but at least you know it's all still there (and this will be a relatively easy fix).

Definitely explore. I remember getting so bored and felt so useless and even going out to the shops after a while felt boring to me after a while as I was spending money I didn't feel I was really contributing to, but I had been all around the town on previous visits so it wasn't much exploration for me, more of just a time filler. I also got bored cleaning and re-organising (especially as a lot of the stuff wasn't mine to re-organise!). I would say explore as much as you can and see if there are any cheap or free community events you can check out near you if possible.

Is there a hobby or something you could look to try to kill the boredom? I had the best intentions of starting a new hobby when I moved to kill time, but I ended up working a lot sooner than I anticipated so that just didn't happen. Is there a craft you want to learn that you can do at home or courses you can do to kill some time during the day and give you some type of schedule? Try to establish some type of routine (even if it's just "up by x-time, shower, breakfast, explore until lunch, grab a coffee, go home, watch 2 episodes of a show, clean, prep dinner, dedicate time to a hobby" etc etc etc). I'm not usually a routine person, but it genuinely helps so much when you go from having SO much to do to nothing. I found it helped give me somewhat or a purpose when i just couldn't decide what I wanted to do or when I wanted to do it. A little bit of structure can be a good thing.

I think what it comes down to is that you are very practical and you had it all well thought out of what you'd do and how you'd deal with certain issues (which is amazing and such a good thing!) that you didn't necessary account for human nature. Sometimes you just can't avoid culture shock no matter how well you prepare! Even the most prepared person in the world could have a hard time.

If you were only just a bit closer, I'd totally be there to help you out! So close but so far away! lol

I get really restless, just sitting around all day which is what I've been doing for about 3 days. I don't want to get depressed or bored! Today I'm going out to explore a bit more! I think I just needed to sit down and be sad for a couple days. Now that I'd one it, enough of that! I hate that Tom's at work all day and I'm here being useless, and not really contributing much.

The thing is that you only arrived a week ago, and you’ve already done A LOT of stuff. Give yourself some time to just relax and get used to it. You aren’t being useless in the slightest... you’re adjusting to a massive lifestyle change!

When I fly back to the U.K. from the US, it takes me a good 1-2 weeks just to get over the jetlag, let alone do anything else!

It’s perfectly normal to be feeling sad, especially with the jet lag on top of the changes, and be prepared for the feeling to be on and off for the first few months, maybe longer.

Don’t rush to do too much. Just take some downtime and take things slowly, one day at a time. Maybe give yourself a list of one thing to do each day... like go for a walk, or take the bus, or explore the shops/countryside etc.

Start getting some little things sorted, if you haven’t already, like add your name to bills, register with a GP, open a bank account, apply for an NI number.

Take a few weeks to adjust and settle in before tackling the bigger things like driving or looking for work.

In regard to my money, turns out the transfer was rejected due to incompetent people at my credit union back in the states.  So now I'll have to access the money through an ATM from my US account until I use transferwise. I want to test the site first, since I've never used it, but since all if you are recommending it, I'll follow ya'lls advice!

It’s so easy, and much, much cheaper than transferring through your bank or ATM.

You just enter the U.K. bank details of the bank you want to transfer to and then pay for the transfer by debit or credit card, or you can do it through your bank account directly.

The way it works is that your transfer from the US to the U.K. is matched up with another equal transfer from the U.K. to the US, and instead of sending any money internationally, your US money gets transferred to the other person in the US, and the other person’s UK money gets transferred to you in the U.K... which eliminates any international transfer fees.


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The thing is that you only arrived a week ago, and you’ve already done A LOT of stuff. Give yourself some time to just relax and get used to it. You aren’t being useless in the slightest... you’re adjusting to a massive lifestyle change!

When I fly back to the U.K. from the US, it takes me a good 1-2 weeks just to get over the jetlag, let alone do anything else!

It’s perfectly normal to be feeling sad, especially with the jet lag on top of the changes, and be prepared for the feeling to be on and off for the first few months, maybe longer.

Don’t rush to do too much. Just take some downtime and take things slowly, one day at a time. Maybe give yourself a list of one thing to do each day... like go for a walk, or take the bus, or explore the shops/countryside etc.

Start getting some little things sorted, if you haven’t already, like add your name to bills, register with a GP, open a bank account, apply for an NI number.

Take a few weeks to adjust and settle in before tackling the bigger things like driving or looking for work.

It’s so easy, and much, much cheaper than transferring through your bank or ATM.

You just enter the U.K. bank details of the bank you want to transfer to and then pay for the transfer by debit or credit card, or you can do it through your bank account directly.

The way it works is that your transfer from the US to the U.K. is matched up with another equal transfer from the U.K. to the US, and instead of sending any money internationally, your US money gets transferred to the other person in the US, and the other person’s UK money gets transferred to you in the U.K... which eliminates any international transfer fees.

I use the TransferWise app which means I can transfer money to anywhere I need to with just a couple of clicks of a button on my phone.

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I can attest to Transferwise too.

I sat around doing nothing for awhile too. The couch now has a permanent indent from my butt.

It helps even if you get out for short periods of time. I enjoyed walking around town, people watching, having a coffee, nibbling through charity shops.

It can be rough and I hid all of my stuff from Stuart because I didn't want him to worry about me. I knew I needed time to adjust and I didn't need him thinking I was just going to go home because I couldn't make it here.

I've been here a year and a half now, employed for a year, and I'm so much happier. I miss my kids desperately but I have no desire to move back to the US. This is my home now.

You will get there. I promise.

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Oh, no I am so sorry you're missing your children, I can only imagine how much more difficult that makes it. I miss my family, but I don't think I -miss- them in a desperate sense yet. I wanted to call my dad the other day but it was too early, so that was a taste of what it'll be like, but I haven't cried over them yet. I'm sure the day will come when I miss a big family gathering, or worse, at Christmas.

It's good that you are 100% certain that this is your home now!! I'm sure that helped the adjustment. Does it ever stop feeling like a vacation ??