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Topic: That visiting feeling...  (Read 1867 times)

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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #15 on: April 22, 2019, 08:02:12 PM »
What?  There's 11,000 miles of coastline!

Not the same....  ;)


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #16 on: April 22, 2019, 08:36:41 PM »
Everybody has their own story to write.

Exactly!

Some people move over and feel like they're at home within a few days.  Others, it takes a few weeks or months.  For some, it might be a few years.  And for others, they might end up feeling like the UK isn't really for them after all.  I think KFDancer said this at one point, and it's so true and worth remembering:  this isn't anything you "win" at and there are no prizes for sticking it out or adjusting to expat life faster than someone else.
 


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #17 on: April 22, 2019, 08:39:16 PM »
Exactly!

Some people move over and feel like they're at home within a few days.  Others, it takes a few weeks or months.  For some, it might be a few years.  And for others, they might end up feeling like the UK isn't really for them after all.  I think KFDancer said this at one point, and it's so true and worth remembering:  this isn't anything you "win" at and there are no prizes for sticking it out or adjusting to expat life faster than someone else.
 

Yep! And you aren’t a “failure” or “quitter if you try it and you find it’s not for you and you move back to the US (whether it be after a week, month, or year)


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My, how time flies....

* Married in the US and applied for first spousal visa August 2013
* Moved to the UK on said visa October 2013
* FLR(M) applied for  May 2016. Biometrics requested June 2016. Approval given July 2016.
* ILR applied for January 2019 (using priority processing). Approved February 2019.
* Citizenship applied for May  2019

**CITIZENSHIP APPROVED July 4, 2019! Formal ceremony on August 28, 2019!**

HEY MOM, I'M A BRIT NOW :D


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #18 on: April 22, 2019, 09:12:41 PM »
Yup, definitely no prizes.  At least I'm still awaiting mine.   ;D

Had a long converstaion last night with a Welsh woman who just moved back to Wales after living in England for 12 years.  She 100% understood my "don't really belong anywhere" assessment and said she actually feels like she belongs where she is now.  I am so happy for her. 

And to be fair, I do feel I belong here now.  But I'll never be quite sure.  ;)


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #19 on: April 22, 2019, 09:34:50 PM »
KFDancer, you got your umbrella.  ;)

A friend of mine moved to Canada from the US and shared an article written by an expat (I think who also moved to Canada from the US?  I don't remember).  The gist of it was that she occasionally felt like she didn't belong anywhere after a time. 

She never really felt like she belonged in her new country because she didn't grow up there and no matter how long she lived there, she knew she had missed the experience of growing up there and as such, didn't feel like she had as much as a shared history as her friends who had.  Her friends would talk about TV shows they watched when they were little, or snacks they ate after school - and from another country, she hadn't watched those shows or eaten those childhood foods.

But after several years, she didn't really feel like she belonged back in her old country either.  The locality had changed and friends moved on.  The stores and cafes she knew were no longer there, replaced by new ones she never heard of.  Her friends now had common experiences they shared while she was away that she missed out on, and now had in-jokes she didn't understand.  So if she had gone back, she felt she would be going to, essentially, a new place to start from scratch all over again.  She wouldn't be going back in time to pick up where she last left off.

So ultimately, she felt like she would be eternally stuck between the two countries - never truly fitting in either.


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #20 on: April 22, 2019, 09:39:19 PM »
So ultimately, she felt like she would be eternally stuck between the two countries - never truly fitting in either.

That is definitely a thing that some experience, I've seen it referred to as "the curse of the expat". Others are lucky enough to feel like they belong in both places.  :)
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #21 on: April 22, 2019, 09:42:10 PM »
That is definitely a thing that some experience, I've seen it referred to as "the curse of the expat". Others are lucky enough to feel like they belong in both places.  :)

Yeah there are definitely times I feel a bit lost in the Atlantic


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My, how time flies....

* Married in the US and applied for first spousal visa August 2013
* Moved to the UK on said visa October 2013
* FLR(M) applied for  May 2016. Biometrics requested June 2016. Approval given July 2016.
* ILR applied for January 2019 (using priority processing). Approved February 2019.
* Citizenship applied for May  2019

**CITIZENSHIP APPROVED July 4, 2019! Formal ceremony on August 28, 2019!**

HEY MOM, I'M A BRIT NOW :D


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #22 on: April 22, 2019, 09:46:08 PM »
I do have to say that, aside from being so thrilled to be driving (and competent again) in the USA, I felt really out of place having gone back there after only a year and a half away. Things that I guess I had gotten numb to from living with them every day (kind of like boiling a frog, isn't it?) just were really jarring to me on our visit, and I found the people to be kind of loud and in-my-face.  ::)  I also picked up a weird vibe, people kind of dashing forward maniacally. It's kind of hard to explain. It very much reminded me of right before the crash in 2008 - people were seeing with a very narrow field of vision, socially/economically/politically. I had lunch with people who were talking about how others at the table should put their money in this "wealth management company" that invests in real estate... (uh oh). 

I have always felt comfortable here. The Daughter reminds me that we will never "fit in" and "be Scottish" but that's ok with me. I kind of float along wherever I end up, and I like it here. People have been very nice, when I've had my limited interactions. (I'm pretty much non-social, but I do get out.) I wonder if we'll still be here in a few years, though. So much still up in the air. Still, I'm enjoying it while I've got it! ;D

We were talking the other night, how we kinda wish there was somewhere to go back to. Sometimes dealing with all this "new" is just draining, and the Daughter has had it was all the "salt of the earth" types she has to deal with at work. (I hate to break it to her, but people are pretty much the same everywhere. She's just been sheltered in academia for decades and not had to deal with the General Public.) She has even convinced me that the Cascadia Subduction Zone can be accommodated. Unfortunately, the healthcare issue cannot, and the current political climate in the USA cannot. So there is nowhere there that we can go, even if we wanted to leave here (which I don't). In our case, the scales still say that we're better off here.

I'm not quite sure what it would be like to "feel like I belong" to a place, really.  I've moved a lot in my lifetime, so, aside from that 20 year stint in Cali, I've never really put down roots. Didn't actually there, either. It was just where my work was and so that's where we lived. Then again, in the States it's gotten all pretty homogenous, so one place seems very much like another.  I think that's why I like it so much here. It's not the same.  ;D


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #23 on: April 22, 2019, 10:06:51 PM »
Yeah, the general volume of conversation is definitely different here.  I feel very quiet.


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #24 on: April 22, 2019, 10:21:05 PM »
Hi. Not being funny, but after just 3 months you still are a visitor.

Well, it's actually been 6 months now and while I still feel like an outsider in most situations, I am definitely NOT a visitor anymore. It's so important to make the adjustment and try to become a part of this society if I'm going to survive here. So, I try my very best to "do as the Brits do" in most situations. I'll always be an American and I'm sure for that reason I'll always stand out whether I like it or not. And I'll probably always feel a bit out of place or awkward. But, here I am on this adventure - finding work, getting my driving license, being in a pub more times in one week than I had ever previously been in my entire life. Yeah, I'd definitely say that I am a resident.


So ultimately, she felt like she would be eternally stuck between the two countries - never truly fitting in either.

I have never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I'm probably from another planet. LOL!! But I can see how that would happen where you pretty much lose your connection to the US after some time. I sometimes think if I were to ever go back, where would I even go? Must be so bizarre for those who do go back after a time.
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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2019, 07:46:49 AM »
being in a pub more times in one week than I had ever previously been in my entire life.


You're doing it right, then!  ;)


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2019, 09:57:08 AM »
Mrs Magpie, you're living it!!! ;D ;D   

I have lived here well over 11 years.  I go back to the US usually a few times a year (for work usually, sometimes holiday).  I am amazed at how much I can slot back into the US without thinking much about it.  This surprises me, because I am very much integrated in Scotland.  Maybe it's because I have gone back year on year for various reasons.  So, hey, I dunno. Some folks feel like the belong nowhere or in the middle, like x0Kiss0fDeath says.  I guess currently I feel like I belong to both countries.  Strange to me!!!
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Work permit (2007) to British Citizen (2014)
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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2019, 10:22:17 AM »
I guess currently I feel like I belong to both countries. 

haha it comes and goes in waves depending on what's happening in life at the time.

Sometimes I even feel like I belong everywhere and also nowhere. It can be quite an odd and indescribable feeling! lol Thankfully the people around me have made me feel wanted - like my in-laws when I had my visa debacle where it ended up massively delayed was asking if they'd need to hide me at their house and they were saying "Sometimes you're more British than the rest of us! You definitely drink like a Brit!" and have had my Line Manager at work talk about how she's hired an American because "you definitely don't count as an American anymore" while my colleagues all agreed hahah. I'm thankful I've never had any pressure from either side to "be more" but sometimes you can't help your brain thinking irrationally and feeling like you just don't know where you fit in/belong for no real reason you can pinpoint (and sometimes you feel you fit in every where while the next day it feels nowhere). Sorry for the ramble LOL not many people get it so it's hard not to elaborate in the one place where people do.
My, how time flies....

* Married in the US and applied for first spousal visa August 2013
* Moved to the UK on said visa October 2013
* FLR(M) applied for  May 2016. Biometrics requested June 2016. Approval given July 2016.
* ILR applied for January 2019 (using priority processing). Approved February 2019.
* Citizenship applied for May  2019

**CITIZENSHIP APPROVED July 4, 2019! Formal ceremony on August 28, 2019!**

HEY MOM, I'M A BRIT NOW :D


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #28 on: April 23, 2019, 03:58:12 PM »
What?  There's 11,000 miles of coastline!

Not the same....  ;)

"My" beach is the same.  Well, smaller waves most of the time, but expansive white sandy beach of joy and spectacular views, ...  I love it here!

Mrs Magpie, you're living it!!! ;D ;D   

I have lived here well over 11 years.  I go back to the US usually a few times a year (for work usually, sometimes holiday).  I am amazed at how much I can slot back into the US without thinking much about it.  This surprises me, because I am very much integrated in Scotland.  Maybe it's because I have gone back year on year for various reasons.  So, hey, I dunno. Some folks feel like the belong nowhere or in the middle, like x0Kiss0fDeath says.  I guess currently I feel like I belong to both countries.  Strange to me!!!

And then there's me... I haven't been back since I landed in the UK a little over 6 years ago (which made recalling dates out of the UK easy to remember for all my applications!).  I assume I'd slot right back in when/if I went "home", because even before I left, I traveled a lot around the US, and pretty much fitted in (as much as I can fit in) pretty much everywhere I was.  But I haven't been home to test that.  I have no need.  I can get most things that I want from here, and I have learned to cope without the things I can't get.  (But I do with the EU would lift the BVO ban so I can have real Mountain Dew!)
9/1/2013 - "fiancée" (marriage) visa issued
4/6/2013 - married (certificate issued same-day)
5/6/2013 - FLR(M)#1 in person -- approved!
8/1/2016 - FLR(M)#2 by post -- approved!
8/5/2018 - ILR in person -- approved!
22/11/2018 - Citizenship (online, with NDRS+JCAP) -- approved!
14/12/2018 - I became a British citizen.  :)


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Re: That visiting feeling...
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2019, 04:23:23 PM »
(But I do with the EU would lift the BVO ban so I can have real Mountain Dew!)

Especially the Baja Blast flavour from Taco Bell!
My, how time flies....

* Married in the US and applied for first spousal visa August 2013
* Moved to the UK on said visa October 2013
* FLR(M) applied for  May 2016. Biometrics requested June 2016. Approval given July 2016.
* ILR applied for January 2019 (using priority processing). Approved February 2019.
* Citizenship applied for May  2019

**CITIZENSHIP APPROVED July 4, 2019! Formal ceremony on August 28, 2019!**

HEY MOM, I'M A BRIT NOW :D


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