Feeling stir crazy

So I think I’m just here to vent mostly but I also wanted to see if anyone has advice. My husband and I got married earlier last year so that I could follow him to the UK once his student visa expired. He’s been there with our dog now for 5 months while I live with my parents in Florida. Our first attempt at applying was denied bc I misunderstood the financial requirements. I’m now waiting for him to secure a full time job there so that I can apply again asap. This is proving difficult for him for some reason. He is a little slow on the applying process and I’m very impatient. I’m just feeling a little frustrated and hurt that it’s taking so long and I don’t know that he has the same urgency that I have for our situation. I don’t want to nag him daily about his applications, but I also am at my wits end working a job I hate and living with my parents is not ideal.

Have you looked into the process of bringing him to the US at all? It may take a bit longer, but you can have family help sponsor to meet the income requirements, and they are lower than in the UK. (I'm just guessing you are both younger and just starting in your careers.)

Otherwise you can consider if there's a way to meet the savings requirements? Unfortunately the UK is very anti immigration and do not make it easy for family members to settle here right now. Many are separated by the financial requirements. Hopefully you can plan to visit soon and spend some more time together while he job hunts.

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Is there anyone over here that you both know who could encourage him to keep trying?  That way it wouldn't be you nagging and pushing all the time and you could spend more time talking about lovey dovey things.   Your wing man could be the bad cop and put the pressure on to hurry up.

Just an idea.

I don't have any good advice unfortunately and I'm not sure there's much anybody can say to make this better

All I can suggest is maybe try to plan a trip to see him as soon as you can. Being apart can be such a big stress and a very upsetting experience overall, so getting back in the same place even for a few weeks can help remind you both why you're going through this process and might give him a bit of a kick to get things going quicker. With you being there, you can even maybe gently help with the search a lot easier than from a few thousand miles away.

Thanks y’all! I went over for a visit a few weeks ago and it seemed like it really made him want to hurry and get one but as soon as I left, it slowed back down. We do have friends who ask him a lot and want to help, unfortunately he lives with his parents and his mom is very happy to keep supporting him which is very lucky for us but not exactly healthy when it comes to making sure someone is motivated to support themselves.

Might be time to have the "come to jesus" talk where you frankly tell him that you want to start your life together but that this cannot happen until he gets a job. Maybe sit down and work on a plan together for how many jobs he'll apply for each day. Ultimately, is there a point for you where it becomes a dealbreaker? (If so, I would make this clear) Is there a long term plan for if he is unable to look for a job by xyz date, maybe you start looking at getting him to come to the US? Do you envision yourself hitting a point where you no longer want to do long distance? (it's okay if you will as I know I definitely would). I would think long and hard about what your bottom line for this is and have a completely open and frank conversation with your partner about this. It's not easy and it does take actual work, so hopefully having a conversation where you lay out how your feeling openly and honestly will help motivate.

What is he doing right now? Is he completely unemployed or does he work but not enough to meet thresholds?

We talked some before he moved about how we would feel about doing long distance and I made it pretty clear that I do not want to do that for long term. I don’t think either of us thought that it would take this long. He does have a part time job at a pub now, but yeah not enough hours or pay to satisfy. It’s also extremely frustrating that none of my finances or work history count towards anything visa wise to show that im very self sufficient. We are almost to 5 months now and I think at 6 will be when I have the deadline talk. Him coming back to the US always seemed like it would be the more difficult option as we have a better support system in UK and we payed loads to have our dog flown there, but maybe it’s time to look again. Anyone have experience with bringing their Brit back to the US?

PS thank y’all for listening. It’s nice to be able to air my frustrations with people who may have been here and done this. None of our family or friends has any clue about how difficult this all is.

PumpkinMom, do you have any savings between you? Yours count too and savings over £16,000 can be used towards the shortfall in his pay.

How well off are his family? While they can't sponsor you, it's permitted for a third party to gift money towards the savings requirement. It must not be a loan.

Taking him to the US would be easier financially, you can use third party sponsorship going that way.

We talked some before he moved about how we would feel about doing long distance and I made it pretty clear that I do not want to do that for long term. I don’t think either of us thought that it would take this long. He does have a part time job at a pub now, but yeah not enough hours or pay to satisfy. It’s also extremely frustrating that none of my finances or work history count towards anything visa wise to show that im very self sufficient. We are almost to 5 months now and I think at 6 will be when I have the deadline talk. Him coming back to the US always seemed like it would be the more difficult option as we have a better support system in UK and we payed loads to have our dog flown there, but maybe it’s time to look again. Anyone have experience with bringing their Brit back to the US?

PS thank y’all for listening. It’s nice to be able to air my frustrations with people who may have been here and done this. None of our family or friends has any clue about how difficult this all is.

I can appreciate why the government wouldn't count your finances (because they can't guarantee  the income will still be coming in once you move) but I also can completely understand how this is frustrating (we've all been there really!). There's nothing else I can really say about that other than to just try to hang in there and do what you can

6 months seems like a good cut-off point to try to re-assess. Maybe that will be the fuel to drive him further - I.E. you saying that while you both think the UK is the better option support wise for you, if he's unable to show you that he is making a real effort then you'll need to reconsider your plans and that might include him moving to you. Is he against the idea of moving to the US or did you both just decide that the stronger option in general was for you to go there but he's not opposed to the US?

How well off are his family? While they can't sponsor you, it's permitted for a third party to gift money towards the savings requirement. It must not be a loan.

That was my next question.

When we moved from California we sold our car and deposited (or thought we had) that exact amount into a savings account to sit. It would’ve been 4 months old by this time and was our backup plan for finances. Unfortunately the bank did not process the check and therefore we have to request a new check and start the clock over. The money is actually the gift from his parents for support for this as they bought the car originally. I am really hoping a job lines up for him soon. I will have enough saved up to pay for the faster track processing so that’s a bright point. I’ve also been thinking about finding a lawyer to help as this will be my second time applying after the first was denied. I think moving back to the US will be what we discuss at the 6mo mark. Getting the dog back will be a nightmare tho 😂. I sacrificed most of my sanity sending her there in the first place haha

When we moved from California we sold our car and deposited (or thought we had) that exact amount into a savings account to sit. It would’ve been 4 months old by this time and was our backup plan for finances. Unfortunately the bank did not process the check and therefore we have to request a new check and start the clock over. The money is actually the gift from his parents for support for this as they bought the car originally. I am really hoping a job lines up for him soon. I will have enough saved up to pay for the faster track processing so that’s a bright point. I’ve also been thinking about finding a lawyer to help as this will be my second time applying after the first was denied. I think moving back to the US will be what we discuss at the 6mo mark. Getting the dog back will be a nightmare tho 😂. I sacrificed most of my sanity sending her there in the first place haha

How much does he make and how much do you have in savings?
If you are relying on savings alone, you need £62,500. To make up a shortfall, it's £16,000 + (2.5x the shortfall)

Looking at your past posts, you said you were refused for lack of evidence so if that's the case, we can help you rather than you having to spend even more money on a lawyer.  It would be helpful if you would let us see the refusal letter (with identifiers removed).

It is much easier taking an animal back to the US than it is bringing it to the UK. 

Oh wow I thought it was £16k for savings alone. We will have only that once the check is cleared and deposited. The financial requirements are very confusing to me.

I was denied for a number of reasons. Actually pretty embarrassing ones that are really just mistakes made by me being in a hurry and naive about the process. I didn’t see this forum until well after I sent the application in. They’re as follows:

1) eligibility relationship requirement - I took the list of required documents at face value and assumed if I provided evidence that he’s a citizen with our marriage certificate that that would be enough and had no idea we needed to submit pictures etc. since we had been living together well over 2 years in the US. This is a pretty easy fix as I have every kind of evidence needed to resubmit.
 
And 2) financial requirement. Again, took it at face value and did not even come close to looking into this hard enough. Literally thought that I could send in all of my own work and bank info to show that I make enough on my own and had the ability to transfer into another full time job as I was working with Marriot at the time. $3k lesson learned.

They also did not look at or consider my request for a fee waiver in the circumstance of creating an unreasonable financial burden. Has anyone heard of applicants being granted a fee waiver? 

Also wondering about the individual payslips for the course of the year. We are having a hard time getting access to those from his job at Marriot. Idk if that’s something that could be handled by a demand letter from my attorney brother.

Oh wow I thought it was £16k for savings alone. We will have only that once the check is cleared and deposited. The financial requirements are very confusing to me.

I was denied for a number of reasons. Actually pretty embarrassing ones that are really just mistakes made by me being in a hurry and naive about the process. I didn’t see this forum until well after I sent the application in. They’re as follows:

1) eligibility relationship requirement - I took the list of required documents at face value and assumed if I provided evidence that he’s a citizen with our marriage certificate that that would be enough and had no idea we needed to submit pictures etc. since we had been living together well over 2 years in the US. This is a pretty easy fix as I have every kind of evidence needed to resubmit.
 
And 2) financial requirement. Again, took it at face value and did not even come close to looking into this hard enough. Literally thought that I could send in all of my own work and bank info to show that I make enough on my own and had the ability to transfer into another full time job as I was working with Marriot at the time. $3k lesson learned.

They also did not look at or consider my request for a fee waiver in the circumstance of creating an unreasonable financial burden. Has anyone heard of applicants being granted a fee waiver? 

Also wondering about the individual payslips for the course of the year. We are having a hard time getting access to those from his job at Marriot. Idk if that’s something that could be handled by a demand letter from my attorney brother.

RE his payslips, are you talking about his current job? As in he’s currently working at Marriot? Or was this a job from when he was in the US?


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Oh wow I thought it was £16k for savings alone. We will have only that once the check is cleared and deposited. The financial requirements are very confusing to me.

I was denied for a number of reasons. Actually pretty embarrassing ones that are really just mistakes made by me being in a hurry and naive about the process. I didn’t see this forum until well after I sent the application in. They’re as follows:

1) eligibility relationship requirement - I took the list of required documents at face value and assumed if I provided evidence that he’s a citizen with our marriage certificate that that would be enough and had no idea we needed to submit pictures etc. since we had been living together well over 2 years in the US. This is a pretty easy fix as I have every kind of evidence needed to resubmit.
 
And 2) financial requirement. Again, took it at face value and did not even come close to looking into this hard enough. Literally thought that I could send in all of my own work and bank info to show that I make enough on my own and had the ability to transfer into another full time job as I was working with Marriot at the time. $3k lesson learned.

Maybe now would be a good time to really give some serious thought as to whether the UK is where you want to settle, as the process coming here is going to be a big (and very expensive) part of your life for the next 5 years. 
You will have 3 visa applications (the initial spouse visa, FLR(M) and SET(M)) and will be spending the best part of £10,000 just on fees over that time.

Here are the financial requirements in detail.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/636618/Appendix_FM_1_7_Financial_Requirement_Final.pdf
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/immigration-rules/immigration-rules-appendix-fm-se-family-members-specified-evidence

RE his payslips, are you talking about his current job? As in he’s currently working at Marriot? Or was this a job from when he was in the US?


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He worked at Marriot from December ‘17 to October ‘18 and should’ve made the £18.6k in the last year to cover, but every month we go on without having a full time job is another month that the average gets lower. This is all very daunting.