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Topic: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.  (Read 2684 times)

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Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« on: April 26, 2021, 12:01:18 PM »
I've just submitted my citizenship application. I am over the moon, and my UKC husband is, too.

I excitedly told everybody on both sides of the Atlantic, and let me tell you: people were not happy. Or rather, British people were not happy. The Americans and other non-Brits thought it was pretty cool.

My UKC MIL and her UKC husband aren't thrilled. They don't believe people should be able to apply for British citizenship. My MIL is odd normally, but this was really hurtful. She's recently been very vocal towards my husband about what nationality her grandchildren will have and what people will think of them. I highly doubt anybody will care, apart from the rest of her family. The rest of her family aren't keen on it, either.

I recently FaceTimed one of my friends (a UKC) and her expression wasn't at all thrilled. She said, "Wahoo"" to me, and then asked "what kind of citizenship" I would get. "British?" I told her. What she meant was, would I have all the same rights as she does. This actually really angered her, as she firmly felt I shouldn't be entitlted to it. She was livid, and I won't say what she said on here because it's just vile. Her mother also had some strong feelings about it, too.

And more people started saying they weren't happy about it. All these people who have been so kind and loving towards me since I arrived here have all of sudden voiced their disapproval towards me becoming a citizen and it's been so hurtful. My husband and I are strongly considering just moving to the US as a result. We have lots of love and support there, and my husband already has a green card, so at this point it's just waiting for my citizenship to come through.

Anyway, I hope nobody else has had that experience.
« Last Edit: April 26, 2021, 12:17:09 PM by SWGF1 »


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2021, 02:35:02 PM »
I've just submitted my citizenship application. I am over the moon, and my UKC husband is, too.

I excitedly told everybody on both sides of the Atlantic, and let me tell you: people were not happy. Or rather, British people were not happy. The Americans and other non-Brits thought it was pretty cool.

My UKC MIL and her UKC husband aren't thrilled. They don't believe people should be able to apply for British citizenship. My MIL is odd normally, but this was really hurtful. She's recently been very vocal towards my husband about what nationality her grandchildren will have and what people will think of them. I highly doubt anybody will care, apart from the rest of her family. The rest of her family aren't keen on it, either.

I recently FaceTimed one of my friends (a UKC) and her expression wasn't at all thrilled. She said, "Wahoo"" to me, and then asked "what kind of citizenship" I would get. "British?" I told her. What she meant was, would I have all the same rights as she does. This actually really angered her, as she firmly felt I shouldn't be entitlted to it. She was livid, and I won't say what she said on here because it's just vile. Her mother also had some strong feelings about it, too.

And more people started saying they weren't happy about it. All these people who have been so kind and loving towards me since I arrived here have all of sudden voiced their disapproval towards me becoming a citizen and it's been so hurtful. My husband and I are strongly considering just moving to the US as a result. We have lots of love and support there, and my husband already has a green card, so at this point it's just waiting for my citizenship to come through.

Anyway, I hope nobody else has had that experience.

I'm very, very sorry to hear that you've had this experience. Obviously it must happen, it has to you but usually we find that Americans get a far easier ride than many other nationalities. Often too, people assume that just marrying a UKC bestows citizenship on the immigrant so would be surprised to hear that the USC has not had it all along.

I wouldn't make any knee jerk decisions based on that but if you do decide to return to the US, you will probably find that you have to start the immigration process again for your husband unfortunately.

Good luck with your application.  :)


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2021, 03:01:39 PM »
I'm very, very sorry to hear that you've had this experience. Obviously it must happen, it has to you but usually we find that Americans get a far easier ride than many other nationalities. Often too, people assume that just marrying a UKC bestows citizenship on the immigrant so would be surprised to hear that the USC has not had it all along.

I wouldn't make any knee jerk decisions based on that but if you do decide to return to the US, you will probably find that you have to start the immigration process again for your husband unfortunately.

Good luck with your application.  :)


Thank you. :) This community always knows what to say and make everyone feel valued.

 His family have always been a bit iffy with me, and I could probably right a novel about the things they've said over the years. I wasn't hugely surprised by their reaction, but it was still hurtful. I was really shocked by how my friends have reacted, becasue I wasn't expecting that. Over the years they've been familiar with my visa journey, and it wasn't until recently that they really came forward and said how they felt. They like me as a person, but they don't like that I'll have the same rights as them. I think some of them actually liked knowing they were "above" me in that sense. I won't go into detail what was said as it really is just vile.

With the US, it has been in the back of our minds for a while, and my husband has a valid green card, so getting him there wouldn't be an issue. We don't have kids yet, so that makes things easier. I've maintained all of my accounts, and he also has stuff already set up there. It's not perfect over there, but we have people there who really love us, regardless of our immigration status. We're both just incredibly shocked by how unsupportive everyone here is all of a sudden.


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2021, 03:29:18 PM »
I've just submitted my citizenship application. I am over the moon, and my UKC husband is, too.

I excitedly told everybody on both sides of the Atlantic, and let me tell you: people were not happy. Or rather, British people were not happy. The Americans and other non-Brits thought it was pretty cool.

My UKC MIL and her UKC husband aren't thrilled. They don't believe people should be able to apply for British citizenship. My MIL is odd normally, but this was really hurtful. She's recently been very vocal towards my husband about what nationality her grandchildren will have and what people will think of them. I highly doubt anybody will care, apart from the rest of her family. The rest of her family aren't keen on it, either.

I recently FaceTimed one of my friends (a UKC) and her expression wasn't at all thrilled. She said, "Wahoo"" to me, and then asked "what kind of citizenship" I would get. "British?" I told her. What she meant was, would I have all the same rights as she does. This actually really angered her, as she firmly felt I shouldn't be entitlted to it. She was livid, and I won't say what she said on here because it's just vile. Her mother also had some strong feelings about it, too.

And more people started saying they weren't happy about it. All these people who have been so kind and loving towards me since I arrived here have all of sudden voiced their disapproval towards me becoming a citizen and it's been so hurtful. My husband and I are strongly considering just moving to the US as a result. We have lots of love and support there, and my husband already has a green card, so at this point it's just waiting for my citizenship to come through.

Anyway, I hope nobody else has had that experience.

It is weird and you clearly know some vile people; in your position, yes, the US would be very much "on the table" in terms of a move. The toxicity has been outed, that Pandora's box isn't going to be easy to close and forget.

If you've been living in the UK, your husband's green card won't be valid (unless you've got an approved N-470, in which case I'm wrong.) I've been stuck in the little immigration room with people who have tried to come back to the US after having residency somewhere else. It's not fun.



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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2021, 03:55:08 PM »
It is weird and you clearly know some vile people; in your position, yes, the US would be very much "on the table" in terms of a move. The toxicity has been outed, that Pandora's box isn't going to be easy to close and forget.

If you've been living in the UK, your husband's green card won't be valid (unless you've got an approved N-470, in which case I'm wrong.) I've been stuck in the little immigration room with people who have tried to come back to the US after having residency somewhere else. It's not fun.



Quite! Yes, I really hadn't realised how toxic they could be until now. And that is one of the main reasons we're highly considering just moving over to the US. We do want kids in the near future, and we have talked about how we wouldn't want them to grow up around people who treat them poorly just for being half-American. My in-laws have voiced their concern of their grandkids' birth certificates showing that they were born to a "foreign born mother." One of my "friends" actually said my kids shouldn't be allowed to use the public schools because they'd be "half-foreign." It's disgusting.

He's thankfully been maintaining it with trips to the US in the time he's had it to keep it valid (even in the past year), so he's golden. I was recently in the US for a funeral, and he managed to be able to come about a week after I flew over and he had no issues whatsoever. I know there are various types of green cards, and he was initially issued an IR-1, so we didn't have to do the adjust of status or anything. He wasn't planning to apply for citizenship until we had been there for 3+ years as he's aware he needs to file taxes for those years leading up to the application.
« Last Edit: April 26, 2021, 04:03:35 PM by SWGF1 »


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2021, 04:21:05 PM »
All green cards lose their validity after your residence is transferred -- you just haven't been caught. The idea that it can be "maintained" in trips back is a fallacy.


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2021, 05:03:40 PM »
All green cards lose their validity after your residence is transferred -- you just haven't been caught. The idea that it can be "maintained" in trips back is a fallacy.

Well, here's to hoping we don't have any issues once we make up our minds with where we'd like to go. Thanks for pointing this out to me.


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2021, 05:32:58 PM »
Well, here's to hoping we don't have any issues once we make up our minds with where we'd like to go. Thanks for pointing this out to me.

I am sorry if it seems I am shitting on this from a great height, particularly since you're clearly going through a very difficult time. But it would be made FAR more difficult if you get to the desk and all of a sudden you're faced with an I-407. I have seen this happen.

The thing is, no one on this forum would advise you to do anything illegal. While it's probably likely moving back would be met with exactly the same questions as every single one of your visits...it's also equally possible that you'll get that one officer who asks the questions to determine that your primary residence has been the UK (which it has to have been, or you wouldn't be getting citizenship.)

I'm sure people do this every day, either through deliberate deception or through the same misunderstanding of the USCIS rules on a green card. A green card is considered abandoned if you establish residence elsewhere for even a day, it can't be "topped up" or "maintained" by visits back because those are visits and you cannot have two primary residences. There are certain situations where one can live abroad and maintain residence in the US but they require advance preparation to do so. All of this is true, whether it is a conditional 2-year green card or the 10-year permanent one.

The legal thing to do is to declare the green card abandoned and to make a fresh IR-1 application. But whether or not you do that is up to you. And if it were me in your shoes, it's EXACTLY what I would do because the people around you sound absolutely poisonous and why on earth would you want your future children raised with people who hold those beliefs?!


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2021, 05:53:38 PM »
I would seriously limit the amount of time I spent around that family and start looking for other people to hang out with.  Tell the MIL that it doesn't matter what citizenship the grandchildren have because she's only going to see them on a Christmas zoom call.   And tell that "friend" to piss off as well.  You deserve better.    I wouldn't move to the States but I would consider moving far away from all the people who have given you this attitude.   My MIL couldn't care less what nationality my kids have and only wants to love and praise them.  Any grandmother that can't act in that normal way needs to be seriously limited in their role. 

You should print out the picture of Prince Harry happily greeting Donald Trump after Trump  said that he could have had sex with Harry's mother but didn't want to because she probably had AIDS.   That tells you all you need to know about who's on top in the US / UK relationship.   Send it to those people as a good bye card and believe everyday that's where you stand in this country. 


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2021, 06:19:56 PM »
There have been a few passing comments from colleagues and such that I’ll never “really” be British but that’s just their stupidity and ignorance.

I cannot fathom my in-laws or friends sharing that negative outlook. And certainly not pretending that being naturally born British is superior to any other nationality.  Just as I wouldn’t allow my American family or friends to share a negative outlook.

Big hugs.  But that sucks.


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #10 on: April 26, 2021, 06:23:39 PM »
He wasn't planning to apply for citizenship until we had been there for 3+ years as he's aware he needs to file taxes for those years leading up to the application.

I'm possibly misunderstanding your post and he has been filing during the years that he's been living in the UK but just in case you're not aware..the thing about green cards and leaving the country is that although they become invalid for immigration purposes as Gwen has explained, they do not for tax purposes until  1-407 is filed.


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2021, 12:24:38 PM »
I'm really sorry to hear of your experience.  It sounds horrible and disheartening - especially from those you considered friends and family.  It is definitely weird and definitely not cool.

I've encountered a few offhand comments that suggest I'm not "really" British*, but nothing like the disdain that you are describing, and certainly not from people close to me.  My British friends, colleagues, and in-laws were supportive and happy and once I got my citizenship, they expressed sentiment along the lines of, "Huzzah, you're one of us!  They can't get rid of you now!"

I suggest perhaps thinking about whether to move back once things have cooled down a bit.  If it's something you were considering anyway, then by all means go for it, but I personally wouldn't make the move just because of those comments alone if everything else going on for you over here is working great and you are otherwise enjoying life over here.  Don't let them "win" if you truly like (and prefer) living here.       

* On one hand, I can kind of see the point.  I haven't grown up here, haven't experienced that growing-up and schooling part of British life, so there will be that element missing that I probably wouldn't fully understand not having actually lived it myself.  But generally, I think comments like that are stupid.  If anything, I think it carries more weight to make an informed choice as an adult to adopt a nationality, as opposed to being born into one by happenstance.


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2021, 12:26:08 PM »


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #13 on: April 27, 2021, 12:40:44 PM »
I'll speak as a British (born) person. This will be generalisation and not my personal opinion, but this is one generalised theory from your unfortunate feedback from your great news.

I believe this stems from the EU. EU citizens come in and get a vast array of advantages, such as relief on inspection of their cars, immediate benefits (welfare), NHS etc etc. EU folk swarm to the UK to take advantage of this. Further, asylum seekers come and get immediate help and housing whilst other people such as pensioners struggle for food and these are people who lived through the war.

This sort of information has been flooded over facebook for years. I say that as I am British born so I seen this sort of stuff for years with the Facebook algo doing its thing. This then makes British people retreat inwards and create a protectiveness to their identity.

Now, that's a theory. The information I said above is not accurate, is not my opinion but is what people see on these hate-driven social media posts. I know this to be true because I have worked with two fantastic engineers from Poland and Bulgaria who immediately got hateful letters through their letter boxes once the vote to leave the EU was confirmed. So much so that the Bulgarian engineer went back to Bulgaria due to the hate. It's shocking.

With this being said, and ignorant people not knowing what non-EU folk have to go through for love and their sacrifice, they see top level 'Government handing out passports to anyone'. This is my only theory. I blame brexit causing divisiveness.

The sheer amount of money, rules, criteria, tests and utter nonsense you guys have to go through to be with the ones you love, citizenship is the absolute least you deserve. Let's be honest, your identity is your culture, not what a little book says. I'm sorry you have received this feedback. If it's any comfort my entire family and friends would be thrilled when my wife eventually gets citizenship.

Regarding being British. There are criteria you must meet however before you're the exact same as us:
  • Constantly complain about the weather, even when sunny as it can be too hot
  • Religiously watch Great British Bake Off
  • Have a hatred for Manchester United

 ;D
15/03/2013 - Met in Cancun
29/11/2013 - Engaged
25/02/2014 - Married
29/04/2014 - Spouse Application Approved
02/05/2014 - Visa Received
09/01/2017 - FLR(M) Granted
06/06/2017 - Little Nipper born
22/07/2019 - ILR Granted


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Re: Is this weird? I feel this is really weird and not cool.
« Reply #14 on: April 27, 2021, 05:48:14 PM »
[Manchester United being a "Catholic" team/club, after all....]  Yeah, there's that going on as well, although probably not for the OP as that wasn't mentioned in their post. Rangers v Celtic, etc., it all just gets a coat of varnish slapped on it and not discussed. Unless you're in one of the clubs. And, too, there's always that "class will out" thing that could be bubbling along in the mix. 

To the OP - there are jerks everywhere. I would question if your "friend" is not really just an acquaintance. A true friend would never say such a thing to someone they cared about. There's not a lot you can do about in-laws, other than avoid them. Sadly.

I'm so sorry that all happened to you.

Aside - on the EU workers: Have the farmers found anyone to pick their crops for them yet? Last I heard Brits signed up to work in respectable numbers after a publicity campaign that included Prince Charles urging them to do so, but almost all ended up as no-shows or quit within days. I haven't been keeping up with it and am curious.

« Last Edit: April 27, 2021, 05:51:08 PM by Nan D. »


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