Uk love is making no promises, but it's not over--confusing me

This thread has been hammered into the ground a bit but I thought I'd share my experience of an LDR with a Brit that didn't work. We met in the States and dated for a while before he was about to lose his US work visa due to budget cuts. I chose to take some time off to follow him and ended up miserable. Not neccessarily his fault, but not a good situation either. A few years down the line I reconnected with a boy I had met on a visit and ended up being accepted to a grad school near him. I'm funding myself, I'm on my own visa, and neither us of us feel any pressure. It's nice and we're really happy. I have no weird love for Brits, although I do like it here and I think sometimes being patient and waiting until things are right really pays off.

I agree with sarahjoyhappy that most of what's useful has already been said, but I just wanted to address the "Scorpio" issue.  Whilst I don't pay any attention to horoscopes, I do put some stock in the general descriptions of astrological characteristics, mostly because I am a textbook Scorpio.  As such, I can tell you that one thing Scorpios hate is to be pressured or boxed in or pushed to do something they aren't ready for.  I once ended things with a guy because he called me too soon.  He asked for my number, and I gave it to him but told him not to call that weekend because my family was coming to visit (my recently divorced parents driving over 1000 miles together, so it was a big deal) and I wasn't available to do anything until the following weekend.  That very evening he left a message on my machine, and just like that I went off him.  I did call him back eventually, but I already felt that he was pushing me too much, and so I did basically what your guy is doing and told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship, etc etc etc.  Also, Scorpios are secretive and often feel misunderstood.  Your guy might feel that you have put him on a pedestal, and have the wrong idea about who he is as a person.  This will definitely make him withdraw, as he will be worried that you have unrealistic expectations of him that he won't be able to meet. 

I don't really want to get into a debate about the merits (or lack thereof) of astrology, all I'm saying is that I'm a classic Scorpio and DH is a classic Taurus, and we actually do take certain astrological characteristics into consideration when dealing with each other.  It works for us.  Don't hate

I'm another who will agree with the sentiments expressed here.  Your other posts about wanting marry on his first visit to the US were over the top.  It's unfortunate he's getting "cold feet", as it were, but it's not surprising. 

I also met my husband online, on a forum that had nothing to do with finding a mate.  I knew immediately he was my future but I didn't tell him that until later.  He lived in FL, I was in CA so there was a lot of juggling of schedules, responsibilities and money to be together.  He gave up everything to move to CA to be with me and trust me, it was hard for both of us.  Three years on, we've never been happier.

This guy sounds like a typical guy who's been pushed to make a commitment to someone he hasn't met yet.  You may not like what you see if you meet him and likewise, he may not like you.  It's a bit soon to rush into anything serious. 

Like everyone else has said, if you want to holiday in Britain, go and have a great time.  But don't make it about a man, any man, especially not THIS man.  He's just not that into you.

I thought Carl had some good advice, coming from a guy:

Looking at your situation from a guy's perspective, it sounds like your guy likes you well enough not to want to hurt your feelings, but not well enough to be in a relationship with you.  If this guy was really interested in you, he'd figure out a way for one of you to visit the other.  Instead, he's telling you he's not sure he's ready for "this type" of relationship.  Take out the word "type" and that's what he's trying to tell you.

Sorry if that was kinda harsh.

But hey - maybe the guy likes you, maybe he doesn't.  Why not rather than planning for a trip over here that you can't afford, why not see if he's willing to come to the US to meet you for the first time instead?  That might be a better gauge of whether or not he's 'that into you', so to speak.

I met my English husband online, via a penpals website.  After about a month of emailing every day, we thought we might be falling for each other, but we made an effort to keep it light & friendly until we had a chance to meet in person.  However, we decided together that it was best for him to come & meet me in the US first, and only for one week's holiday at the initial meeting.  I arranged for a room at a beach resort (cheap deal a friend helped me obtain), so we had the option of he could either stay there alone (while I stayed at my apartment) or we could stay there at the beach together.  Even after we met & got on splendidly, we knew it was waaaay too early to start talking marriage - after spending only one week together in person.

We dated LDR for a year (short time compared to others' LDRs), one or the other of us traveling over every few months for a visit of 1 or 2 weeks in duration, each time.  After we had been doing that for a year, we then decided to get married.

I think the guy you're infatuated with is being very sensible.  But I also think that seeing if he is willing to come & visit you instead would be a good indication of his real interest - and I don't mean his interest in getting married, but his interest in at least starting to be closer friends and possibly slowly develop a relationship along more sensible pathways like what he's saying he wants.  If he isn't willing to come & meet you there, then perhaps you'd do better to move on.

Except for our first visit, which was for a little less than two weeks, all of my visits to the UK before I moved over permanently were for long weekends, so I didn't have to worry about  time off work, except for Christmas which was supposed to be a long weekend but turned into a three week holiday because 1) I forgot about Boxing Day and 2) I didn't realize that the trains to the airport wouldn't be running over Christmas so I ended up getting stuck in the UK.

I was thinking that stories like the OP's could be part of the reason why American women get hassled by ECOs when they say they are going to meet their boyfriend whom they met over the internet.

"he came to realize he could not cope with this type of relationship"  This is a very powerful statement.  If you think this has a chance of succeeding, you will have to back off and let him sort himself out.  If you are set on a man who lives in the UK "this type of relationship" will be part of your courtship--unless you can find a way to move over there quickly.  

"On match, I state in my profile that I am from the states, and I would like to relocate when I meet the right person."  I would change this to, "willing to relocate for the right person/circumstances" or "willing to consider relocation."  The current wording sounds like someone looking for a ticket into the UK.  What if you met a great man who wanted to move to the US?  Would that be a deal-breaker?

Read what you've posted here again.  What if your best friend told you the same thing about a guy?  How would you feel about a man reacting to her like that?

Do not book a flight to visit him in the UK unless he invites you over.  Do not plan a "vacation" and "just happen to be" where he lives.  If you want to visit the UK--fine.  Just don't make it about him.  Also, IF he does invite you over, make sure you have a "Plan B" for accommodations.  What would you do if you didn't get on well?  Make sure you know where the nearest hotel/hostel/B&B is, and that you can afford a night or two there.

I can also tell you about a US-UK LDR that didn't end up in marriage---mine.  I visited him twice, staying 2-3 weeks each time.  In the end, I was a lot like your guy, wishy-washy, distancing myself, etc.  Why?  Because I wasn't ready for what he wanted, and didn't have the heart to say so straight out.  Instead, I pushed things to where he did the dumping.  I should have been more frank about it.  He and I had been seeing each other a bit over a year at the time. His cute accent wasn't enough.

Have you checked out any cultural organizations in NYC?  There are probably some for people from the UK.  The Tea and Sympathy place sounds interesting, for starters.  Meetup.com might also provide some that tend to attract Brits.  Good luck!

Like the others, I have my doubts that you're still reading this, but here goes:

Let me tell you something about long distance relationships, and it's something that almost every person here could tell you.  Long distance relationships are hard.  My wife and I met online back in 1999.  Between March of 1999 when we became a couple and December of 2001 when I moved to the US for the first time, we spent a grand total of 7 weeks actually physically together.  7 weeks together and 135 weeks apart.

It would have been easy, really easy, for either of us to walk away.  The only thing keeping us together was how much we loved each other and how willing we were to work on this.  We hated every minute we spent apart, and cherished every brief gone-too-soon visit.

There's an attraction in the different, in the unusual accent, the different cultural background.  It's easy to think of someone from wherever you're not as being more exciting and special because they're from somewhere else.  It's easy for a little while, anyway.  if you're in this just for the delight of an englishman being Prince Charming from the land of Happily Ever After, before long, one of two things will happen.  You could start to hate being apart so much that the presence of nearby, available people will turn your head.  Alternatively, you could meet your idealized paramour and realize that (and I hate to break this to you) British guys are just guys.  They fart in bed.  They leave the toilet seat up.  We're just like other guys, only much more inconveniently located.

If you really and truly love someone, and they love you back, you can overcome this.  It's not easy, and you will hate every second you spend apart, but it's possible.  it's also I should point out bloody expensive.  Every vacation you get will be spent going to see them.  Your phone bill will be massive unless you have Skype.  When you finally get to the point of getting a visa (or he gets one to come to the states), it will take months and cost you a fortune.

If it's just a crush, or if he doesn't share your feelings, take my advice and spare yourself the years, the money and the heartache.