Limboland of belonging

I really can't add too much to what has already been said except to add my voice to fellow limbolanders.  

I cannot tell you how happy I am to know that there are so many of us out there that really do not know.

I agree with Celtic in that the grass is always greener.

Many children that grew up constantly moving are always in limbo.  Always thinking about the past place and the good in it.  Over time even those places that were not so great become good.  The bad memories (barring extreme issues) fade into the mist and the good times remain.

I used to think that being in limbo was bad.  I wondered if I would ever find a place that meet my needs.  Truth is I still do not know, but I have learned to live more for the present and the day to day versus the past or the future.  

I am also happy to report that while being in limbo can be trying at times we are so fortunate to have had the chance to experience the good and the bad.

In the end all that that seems strange and not the same becomes familiar and becomes home.  If it does not, then  you simply take the good from where you have been and go to where you most felt at home.

I know that sometimes I hesitate to speak on life in England as I have not lived there, but I still have the faith that it can work.  

I have the faith that all countries and all places have something to teach us.  

It is just that it can be hard to find.  Many of the same issues that people share about moving to the UK I can say about Atlanta.  It is hard to meet true friends and people that you can relate to no matter where you are.  It is hard to leave everything you know and have only your spouse to talk to.  

I have found throughout my moving life that what has helped me live in limbo is simple.  Finding people that "get" you.  Finding people that will not look at you with raised eyebrow when you casually say, "when I was in _______" this happened.  

That's one reason I like this forum.  It gives us a chance to do that.

Did I say I did not have much to add?  

vnicepeeps...people still look at me with the BIG HAIRY EYEBROW.

I guess nobody gets "me" LOL
People on the forum board can relate...its a shame we all dont live on the same block...or erm is that estate? Oh you know what I mean.

Now that bad...when the eyebrow is hairy.....oooh
how about unibrow?  

That's okay...I don't get me so hey...

Now that bad...when the eyebrow is hairy.....oooh
how about unibrow?  

That's okay...I don't get me so hey...

England...Land Of The Unibrow

hehe

 I have to agree with Peedal,that I have always felt like the UK was more of my home then the States.I think the UK was a very important place for me in a different life

 I will also admit though there will always be times I miss my home town and state.I spent most of my life so far in Louisville,and it will always be apart of me ,no matter where I live.
 
 I feel it doesnt really matter if we always have the same exact feelings about something.For most of us at one time or another has been unsure about something,felt sad or alone.

 You have joined a wonderful place and there are many here that will always have a kind word for you,and some sound advice if you need it  
                                (((Hugs)))
                                     Rhia

Putting my two cents in...

I've not been home since I've moved here, a little over a year ago now. But I just know that when I do I'm going to be really annoyed at some of the things there (like Marlespo said, news etc...) and I'll really miss England and the freedom I feel here but at the same time I'm so freaking homesick, all the time, that I can't wait to move back.

It's a wierd feeling, not being able to settle completely happily in one place. I suppose that's the risk you take when you're one of the lucky ones*.  


*and I think we're all lucky to have the chance to see the world.

" *and I think we're all lucky to have the chance to see the world."  


 Yes we are Ashley,and if we have children what a wonderful gift to give to them!

Well  Vnicepeeps,yeppers you post was a bit long,but very thoughtful and made a heck of alot of sense

and if we have children what a wonderful gift to give to them!

whee!!!

 I have to agree with Peedal,that I have always felt like the UK was more of my home then the States.I think the UK was a very important place for me in a different life

 I will also admit though there will always be times I miss my home town and state.I spent most of my life so far in Louisville,and it will always be apart of me ,no matter where I live.
 
 I feel it doesnt really matter if we always have the same exact feelings about something.For most of us at one time or another has been unsure about something,felt sad or alone.

 You have joined a wonderful place and there are many here that will always have a kind word for you,and some sound advice if you need it  
                                (((Hugs)))
                                     Rhia

Hugs back...It is nice to be able to talk/type to others who understand.  Its very difficult to voice what might be a negative opinion to my hubs...being British I would never want to hurt him...

No offence, Terinth, but I certainly don't feel that way at all.  I am perfectly at home here in England and my recent visit back to the US only strengthened that feeling.  I am well within my comfort zone in a country I've lived in for just over 15 months - but felt completely like a fish out of water in the 'land of my birth.'

No offense taken.  In that case, you're very fortunate to have never felt out of place either in England or upon returning to America to visit.  I feel infinitely more "at home" in England even though I don't live there.  That doesn't mean that every day of the 6 months I spent there, I had no frustrations.

When I'm in England, I'm automatically recognized as being American, and when I'm in America, I'm the one who's taken on British/Irish characteristics.  I wasn't implying I have a difficult time choosing between the two.  It's really no competition.  I was just stating that everyone here has had complaints/frustrations at some point, not that we all feel out of place no matter where we may find ourselves.

If you felt British the second you stepped foot on English soil and had absolutely no problem adjusting, then let us all know your secret.  

I think as one person said for me it depends on the day and the mood I am in how I feel about being here. It is like riding a roller coaster sometimes.  Some days all I can see is the negatives and fear and other days I can see the positives.  I think it is a matter of looking for the positives and appreciating that good we do find here.  Sometimes it is just little things. I am fortunate that my fiance has sky TV.  Some find it a pain that the TV shows are so behind the states but I think it is great that touched by and Angel is starting a new series now as I didn't get to see all the old one in the states.  I find that I can learn alot about cooking from the cooking shows. I really do like most of the foods here. I like seeing the british shows and how life is here.  I can say life is all roses here because it's not. I miss the warmth of the California sunshine.  Sometimes I don't go outside for days because I just can't stand the cold. Other days I make myself get out and do things anyway. I tell myself I have to try to adjust or i will never be happy and if I keep pushing myself I will adjust.  I am making some new English friends and the people in my town have been friendly. At least they smile when I smile and greet them and they speak back.  The workers at the library today ask if I was gonna be living in the town when I returned my books on weddings. We talked about my wedding and they gave me advice. They said they would enjoy getting to know me.  Another thing I do that may seem strange to some is I don't stop being american. I don't feel a need to fit in by adopting their ways. My fiance does not encourage me to change. I will change in time I am sure but for now I just be me and don't feel funny when I stick out as an american. I am actually kind of proud I am an american and don't mind others knowing it. Kinda like when I was living in California and using my southern accent. I didn't appreciate being from the south until I left it.  I am lucky I guess in that people who get to know me here like me and thing I am perfect for my mate. Yeah I have days when all I want to do is cry and mope but I am finding they are becoming less and less.  Hope just a little of what I have shared helped or gave someone ideas of how to adjust here a bit.  I am learning as I go and I am determined to try to keep a positive attitude even though I have to get my grips out too.  There are experiences here that I can't get in america and I intend to enjoy them. some day I may go back to america but in the mean time I am getting a world of education here about things I didn't know and I love sharing it with my american friends back home.  All I can say is a lot of it depends on what you want to get from this experience besides a loving man.  sorry to make this so long. Just adding my two cents for what there worth.  Best of luck to everyone who is trying to adjust to a whole new world just as I am.

Citrine, was was with you totally until the very end of your initial post. But that's only because I think I landed in just the right spot. But it wasn't the first place I set foot in. I know the subsequent move to another place just down the road made a huge difference. What changed it? A place where I was able to make friends.

Last night I went out with a group of women to a Christmas dinner...and suddenly I was in the picture I'd only before just seen across the room when my husband and I would go to a restaurant. Always saw the groups of women crammed around a large table, laughing and sharing gifts and doing silly things (in this case, pulling crackers and wearing paper hats...but hen nights can get even more boisterous). And I felt very much a part of that goup.

It makes a huge difference being accepted into a community.

As to what I've had to learn...and what I've had to empty out of my head to make the new stuff fit...I chuckled over your list. It always amazes me that we, who come from anywhere within the US and settle in anywhere in the UK, still have the exact same confusions when we first get here.

Terinth, I wish I could wave a magic wand and help all ex-pats feels as at home here as easily as I did.  I can't explain it.  Being American for me has ALWAYS been a mere accident of birth.  I have always felt I belonged here in the UK, since I was much younger.  And I was right.

I guess part of it is where I moved to in the UK?  I haven't had one bad experience with anyone simply for being American.  People have been friendly and helpful.  I've had conversations with complete strangers in grocery and bus lines and not once has anyone's mood changed once it was clear I was American (rather than Canadian as many seem to suspect!).

Like LisaE said, I think I just landed in the right spot.  I have no illusions that I would be 'just as happy' if we had moved up to Norfolk or out to Devon.  I KNOW I wouldn't be happy (in my current family situation) living right in London.

It did happen that way, you know - the minute I landed here on my first trip I finally felt like I was where I belonged.  There was a peace in my heart and soul that I had never felt before.

And I do wish I could share it with others to help ease their transition...instead of feeling almost guilty at how happy I am... :-/  Because I do understand that feeling of not belonging.  I suffered from it for 30+ years in Florida.

It did happen that way, you know - the minute I landed here on my first trip I finally felt like I was where I belonged.  There was a peace in my heart and soul that I had never felt before.

This is how I felt when I first came here and coming back, I knew I came home.  This is where I belong and yea, sure, there's been a few times when acclimating to certain differences brought about some frustration, but on the whole, I have been happy to be here and intend to be here for the rest of my life.  

I think as one person said for me it depends on the day and the mood I am in how I feel about being here. It is like riding a roller coaster sometimes.  Some days all I can see is the negatives and fear and other days I can see the positives.  I think it is a matter of looking for the positives and appreciating that good we do find here.  Sometimes it is just little things. I am fortunate that my fiance has sky TV.  Some find it a pain that the TV shows are so behind the states but I think it is great that touched by and Angel is starting a new series now as I didn't get to see all the old one in the states.  I find that I can learn alot about cooking from the cooking shows. I really do like most of the foods here. I like seeing the british shows and how life is here.  I can say life is all roses here because it's not. I miss the warmth of the California sunshine.  Sometimes I don't go outside for days because I just can't stand the cold. Other days I make myself get out and do things anyway. I tell myself I have to try to adjust or i will never be happy and if I keep pushing myself I will adjust.  I am making some new English friends and the people in my town have been friendly. At least they smile when I smile and greet them and they speak back.  The workers at the library today ask if I was gonna be living in the town when I returned my books on weddings. We talked about my wedding and they gave me advice. They said they would enjoy getting to know me.  Another thing I do that may seem strange to some is I don't stop being american. I don't feel a need to fit in by adopting their ways. My fiance does not encourage me to change. I will change in time I am sure but for now I just be me and don't feel funny when I stick out as an american. I am actually kind of proud I am an american and don't mind others knowing it. Kinda like when I was living in California and using my southern accent. I didn't appreciate being from the south until I left it.  I am lucky I guess in that people who get to know me here like me and thing I am perfect for my mate. Yeah I have days when all I want to do is cry and mope but I am finding they are becoming less and less.  Hope just a little of what I have shared helped or gave someone ideas of how to adjust here a bit.  I am learning as I go and I am determined to try to keep a positive attitude even though I have to get my grips out too.  There are experiences here that I can't get in america and I intend to enjoy them. some day I may go back to america but in the mean time I am getting a world of education here about things I didn't know and I love sharing it with my american friends back home.  All I can say is a lot of it depends on what you want to get from this experience besides a loving man.  sorry to make this so long. Just adding my two cents for what there worth.  Best of luck to everyone who is trying to adjust to a whole new world just as I am.

That is a really neat post, you are lucky for the support and strength that you feel!