Hypotheticals

Boys will be boys.

The hardest part about cheating is it usually comes when you least expect it - when you never thought your SO would stray & you two were totally faithful to the bottoms of your hearts.  That's what hurts women the most.

Boys will be boys.

So that's an excuse to treat your partner w/dishonesty and disrespect? 

That also SO undervalues all the wonderful males out there who are adults who love and respect their partners.

There are plenty of decent men out there who can actually keep it in their pants - plenty of decent women, too, and who don't see what role cheating or sh*(ging around has to play in a mature, healthy relationship.

That's what hurts women the most.

It's pretty painful for men who are on the receiving in, too. 

I dunno, I find it patronising to assume that blokes can't control themselves just by virture of their having a willy.  And also untrue.

There are plenty of decent men out there who can actually keep it in their pants - plenty of decent women, too, and who don't see what role cheating or sh*(ging around has to play in a mature, healthy relationship.

I agree - it's not just men - and there are plenty of women who cheat as well...

We have never dated or were romantically involved EVER!
I have tried to see this from his side, but it just doesn't make sense why some guys are ok but others aren't and he hasn't met them!

Per good friends of the opposite sex...

It doesn't sound like these other guys get in the way of you being able to have an overall good relationship wtih your boyfriend though.  I dated someone once whose best friend was female, and he seemed totally wrapped up in her.  While I was the one he went home with at night, and woke up next to in the morning, I feel that he was emotionally involved with her in a way that was not healthy and holds him back from healthy relationships with other women.   He was up front with me about her, said that she never ever wanted to date him, yet they would exchange e-mails back and forth multiple times a day, she would call him at our workplace, and he would constantly talk about her escapades in life, often her romantic escapades.  I did not make this an issue between us since our relationship wasn't that long, but had we been into something for the longer haul, I would have seen it as a bigger problem.  I am still friends with this guy and it's not an impossibility that we could get back together, and at that point, his behavior and that of his friend would be an issue for me.

just popping into this thread to say I totally agree with expat_in_scotland's last post.  There is no excuse for cheating behavior- it communicates a lack of respect for your partner, and I don't think I could stay with someone who doesn't respect me.

So that's an excuse to treat your partner w/dishonesty and disrespect? 

That also SO undervalues all the wonderful males out there who are adults who love and respect their partners.

There are plenty of decent men out there who can actually keep it in their pants - plenty of decent women, too, and who don't see what role cheating or sh*(ging around has to play in a mature, healthy relationship.

It's pretty painful for men who are on the receiving in, too. 

I dunno, I find it patronising to assume that blokes can't control themselves just by virture of their having a willy.  And also untrue.

Sorry, I didn't mean it that way.  I know there are plenty of women who cheat as well, which is why in my initial post, I used genderless words (or at least I meant to).  You have to admit, the cultural stereotype is that men are more prone to have & want sex, because they do have a penis.  Not that this is necessarily true.  There's no excuse, no matter what gender.  And there's plenty of great men out there who have no trouble being faithful.

You have to admit, the cultural stereotype is that men are more prone to have & want sex, because they do have a penis. 

Sorry, but I just don't see that.

Certainly NOT raising my daughters to even buy that for a minute or take that off a partner - male or female.

You have to admit, the cultural stereotype is that men are more prone to have & want sex, because they do have a penis. 

Wow, you are so off base here.  Like Expat said, I just don't see that either.

This thread is getting old....

She's not saying it's true, or right, just a stereotype.

I think this thread is quite interesting...

 


Vicky

Hormones aside, it is your brain that makes the decision to cheat. I can't say what I would do because DH has never put me in that situation and I hope I never have to find out what it is like. I trust him completly but anyone is capable of anything.

You have to make the decision of what you can live with, if you can trust again and bear in mind the consequences of any decision you make regarding the relationship. If someone else brings another into the relationship via cheating, whatever, there are probably huge problems in the relationship on many different levels. I have done the long time apart thing and it's hard. There is no one there for support, companionship physically or mentally, ect. But this is something that will make or break a relationship. If you cannot handle time and/or distance from each other then chances are you are not going to make it long term. Marriage is harder than anything you will ever do but the rewards are so worth it. There will always be a "reason" why someone cheated but the decision utimately was theirs and they made it. Unfortunately someone else usually will bear the brunt of the pain due to that decision. Trust is a delicate thing, it can be damaged so easily but not so easily fixed.

But yes, the trust for me would never be the same if I were the one cheated on and the person would be different in my eyes. If I were single, he would be gone, end of discussion. But when you bring marriage and kids into the picture it complicates things, but that is my opinion.

Yes, people make mistakes but this is the mother of them all next to physical/mental abuse. The flesh may be weak but the heart and mind should be stronger.