Tired of Saying Goodbye

Lucky you... at least you both want to get married, no matter how many obstacles there are.

My man has refused to get married under any circumstances which, essentially, rules out any chance of a life togther. He refuses to be dictated to by authorities, governments, civil servants, not to mention his own loathing for the 'institution' of marriage.

I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me (been there, done that, bought the commemorative tea towel) so I have to face the fact that our being together long-term is not really on the cards, if we're being realistic (after nearly five years 'together').

He also has serious health problems, which means every time we see each other could be the last. Leaving him behind is utter hell. I spent a week with him in December after he'd suffered a second heart attack. After spending time with him in hospital, we stayed together for a few days as he convalesced. I had to leave, knowing that in his condition he could possibly have another heart attack at any time, or a complication could occur, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

I'd already taken emergency leave to fly out and am not in a position to drop everything again at such short notice. (Not to mention the grilling I received from customs and immigration at JFK, when I entered the US one month after my last visit. I told them I was here as my boyfriend was in intensive care. 'Is your boyfriend British?' 'No, he's an American citizen.' etc.)

Painful as it is, be thankful that you're both pulling in the same direction. I'm sure things will work out for you, in the long run. I envy you.

Sounds like you've starting making a lifetime of plans.  How wonderful is that?  I'm so pleased for you Terinth.  I hope the planning goes quickly.  What a great first step though.

Fifi, you're right.. we are lucky that we've begun planning our lives together.  Even if we're both still fairly frightened of getting married (we both have always been scared of the idea - both come from very broken families of horribly failed marriages).  It doesn't mean it's been easy saying goodbye and ripping myself away from him so many times over the years, but I can take comfort now knowing that we want to make it happen.  

Kizmet.. thank you for your warm wishes. I'm excited.  We're not engaged nor have we set a date or anything else... we've just both reached the point of wanting more than what we currently have.  All we have said is that we'd like for it to happen by a certain year.  It's a small step, but one that gives me a huge sense of relief about where my life is headed in the next few years.    

Tenrith...thing is it sounds to me that you are both thinking this through very well and taking a  look at what your expectations are and being honest ....with a start like that only good things can come!

So best of luck to you!

Terinth the point is you've started to gell your lives together.  Sometimes I think that couples take that big step because they hate saying goodbye anymore.  Its not only the women that get emotional over the airport comings and goings.  

You've made a step in the right direction for you and Sean.  I'm so happy that that one small step has made you feel so much better about your future and taken some of the pressure off even now.  It does make a difference.  I'm happy for you.

Oh my, reading this list of posts has me in tears.  It's just been six long, long days since I left Steven at the airport to fly back to the US.  I HATE leaving.  I start crying days before I have to leave and the pain never stops.  Hang in there guys, we can do it though.

It's right that it NEVER gets easier, only harder.  I kept begging not to have to go back home or to have a reason to stay, but of course I know that's not an option.  It was even harder this time because we got engaged and were all excited about our future, only to be torn apart again for a few months.

Hopefully I'll be able to see my man again in March, but it's proving hard to find tickets that work.  I would have booked them earlier, but we had planned to have a longer time between visits.  We've just decided we can't handle doing 3-5 months apart anymore.

Just keep in mind that it IS worth it in the end, but I agree....I'm tired of saying goodbye as well.  And airports used to be an exciting place for me, but now I just find them to be somewhat traumatizing.

BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!  Keep your chins up!

I just returned from dropping fiance off at the airport. I know in my head this is the last time I will have to do this [I move over in May] and that we're in the last 3 months before we'll be together... but this was the hardest goodbye so far I think.

I can walk in my house and smell him, and it just feels so much emptier than it did the week before he was here.

I don't think it ever gets easier

  Im sure it doesnt get any easier, but chin up at least you know that 3 months is not very long and it will come around quick.   Best of luck

Aww Missy, I feel your pain.  I'm looking forward to seeing my fiance in March, but the fact that I'll have to say goodbye to him after 10 days will always be at the back of my mind.  At least you have a date to look forward to, I find that always helps.  Try to concentrate on all the stuff you have to do before the move to try to keep your mind off of the emptiness, and does it ever feel empty! :'(  

I won't tell you it'll go by quickly or to just keep your chin up, because I know that no matter how kindly those words are intended, they don't really help much.  I will tell you that you have a great future to look forward to with your fiance and that you only have 3 more lonely months to deal with before you no longer have to face the being apart thing ever again.

Also talk to him a lot, and I mean A LOT.  I find that the first few weeks are the hardest and hours apart seems like days.  So, talking to him makes him feel a *little* closer.
BIG HUGS!!!!  

I too said goodbye to my boyfriend in January, and these past few weeks have been very difficult, for both of us. He left behind his jumper that still faintly smells of him, and whenever I hug it and smell him on it, I miss him so much. There have been times where I have hugged it and just started crying my eyes out. Missy, I totally sympathize... I understand the sadness you're feeling so well. I have such a love/hate relationship with airports. In our last moments together, when we were in line and he was just about to go through the gates, I remember holding his hand, not ever wanting to let it go, because as long as I was holding it, he was still with me. Finally letting go was the hardest thing in the world, because I knew that would be the last time I would be that close to him in a long time.

Thankfully we've managed to arrange to see eachother again soon, in early March, but at the back of my mind I know we will have to say goodbye once again at the end of that week, and it will be back to the sadness.  

What's sort of helped me is to just keep myself busy, and always looking toward the future. Also, lots of phone calls, online chats, and even handwritten letters and cards have made the distance more bearable. You have to know in your heart that you WILL be seeing your love again eventually, but don't dwell on how many days or weeks (or months) you have left to go... don't even do a countdown until the final week or so... just keep living your life, knowing you have something wonderful and exciting to look forward to, and before you know it, you'll be back in his arms.  

Excellent point, Honeybee on the countdown thing.  I should have mentioned that we only go by weeks or we wait until the last week or so to really do a countdown.  Otherwise, 3 months or 90 days sounds like an impossible amount of time.

Oh I read this really good idea on some relationship page somewhere...when you're away from your sweetheart and think about them, write it on a post it note or on a nice piece of paper.  Fill up tons of post-it notes or papers of the thoughts you had, then give it to your significant other to show them how much you really do care and how big of a part they are in your life.  Of course, this works better when you share a house and can leave the post-it notes all around until they return, but you could maybe adapt it.

Also, Steven and I do a Circle Journey book.  You can get these kits at Borders.  It's a book that fits in a small envelope (they are provided) and you write letters in them.  When you receive it, you can write a new letter and look at the old ones as well.  It has turned it a very cherised keepsake/scrapbook of our letters to one another.  That reminds me that I have to send it back to him.  Anyways, we both had a fit when it went missing for a long time, but it showed up again.  It comes with fun stickers, etc.  Consider doing that...we so often only use emails and have nothing tangible to remind us of the ones we love.  Just an idea.

Keep your chin up, we're all here for you!!!  Hugs!

Also, Steven and I do a Circle Journey book.  You can get these kits at Borders.  It's a book that fits in a small envelope (they are provided) and you write letters in them.  When you receive it, you can write a new letter and look at the old ones as well.  It has turned it a very cherised keepsake/scrapbook of our letters to one another.  That reminds me that I have to send it back to him.  Anyways, we both had a fit when it went missing for a long time, but it showed up again.  It comes with fun stickers, etc.  Consider doing that...we so often only use emails and have nothing tangible to remind us of the ones we love.  Just an idea.

What a great idea!! Wow- I can sure remember those days of counting down until Chris and I saw each other again...My nickname when we were chatting used to be "jenny45^sleeps" etc...I was so happy to stop having to do that! You're definitely in good company here, though- so many people to understand exactly what you're going through! Hang in there! One day you may just find that Airports are actually happy places to be again!

After our first official visit as more than friends I came home after the transAtlantic flight and began to unpack.  My sweetie had put little notes in all sorts of places in my luggage, makeup and even in my shoes.  It made my smile and miss him even more, but it still eased the pain finding those little notes.  I still have them today along with all of our letters.  I am glad we wrote each other letters as emails are so easy to lose and just not the same as the handwriting on a page.  I love the idea of a circle journal.  

The worst time for me was when we had to spend 5 months apart after we were engaged as we were waiting for INS to do its thing.

well, moped around last night and then today I've started in on getting house ready for market. Charity will make out like a bandit and hopefully it will sell before May. Thanks for all the kind words