Can you love someone you havn't met?

It definitely can happen but it is not the same kind of love as when you're together in person.

I definitely believe you can fall in love before meeting in person. I loved Adrian before we met in London, definitely. We spoke for hours and hours on webcam every day, plus wrote long letters, and in fact, it was really sweet to get to know him so well before we were able to be physical with each other at all. Most relationships with people I met in person progressed faster physically, and then once I really got to know them, I didn't have the feelings I thought I had. Sex can really confuse you into thinking it's love when it isn't. Getting to know someone so well without that opportunity makes it even more exciting when it does get to finally happen! Of course, I was terrified that I would kiss him and it wouldn't feel right (especially after all of that build up), but it was even better than I ever thought it would be. Plus he was already my best friend by the time we met, he knew every single thing about me, good and bad, and was always there for me, even if it was on the other end of a computer.
There were aspects to our relationship that felt like old-world romance, like in the films where people would write to each other for a long period of time before even holding hands, and they would fall in love with each other's words rather than their body. And he would send me flowers and cards and write beautiful long emails. It was so much more romantic meeting someone online than I ever thought it would be. In fact, sad but true, I thought it was sort of lame to meet people online before I met him and he proved me so wrong! (I don't know why I ever thought that way, it just seemed nerdy to me, I guess, and looking back now, I'm still surprised how things turned out.)
The first night we spent together in London was supposed to be this great romantic event we had planned out for months, but it wasn't really like we expected. I had serious jetlag, we got wasted at the pub, and I thought I left my handbag there with all my money and passport and everything inside!    I was crying my head off all night long feeling like the biggest idiot, and he just listened and held me and said he would take out the money for the rest of my holiday (he was only there for 2 days, while I was staying for a week) and he was so supportive and sweet. It was fantastic the next day when we realized my bag was actually stuck under my friend's suitcase, lol, but just knowing how much he cared, and how sweet he truly was made me love him more than life itself. I knew I could always count on him. And even though our first night was sort of "ruined," I'm glad it happened that way, rather than having the romantic night we had planned for, because that was real, and seeing that side of him really touched me in a different way.
So, yeah, I think you can really love someone before you meet them in person. Everyone told me to be careful and not be a dreamer, etc., etc., but look what happened! My fairy tale came true! I'm glad I didn't listen to them! 

I LOVE THIS STORY!!! 
I agree with this so much. It's falling in love the old fashion way!!!!

Sorry, but I'm a cynic. I don't believe you can. I think you can like someone very much and perhaps become a bit infatuated. But there's no comparison to meeting someone in person. That's not to say you won't fall in love with someone you've met online - just that it probably won't geunuinely happen until you spend time together in person.

I agree that you can feel very strongly about someone you met online, but that it isn't the same as what you feel once you've met them.  When I was at uni I dated a guy for a short time who should have been perfect for me.  On paper, we were ideally suited, and even after we broke up, people who knew us separately used to try to set us up.  After we graduated, we developed a wonderful e-mail relationship.  I used to tell him everything, and he was very supportive, as well as funny, clever, inspiring . . . it was wonderful.  Then, after about 2 years of that, we met again in person, and there was just no spark.  Just like there had always been no spark, from the first day we met.  I completely love his e-mail persona, and I love him as a friend, but we could never be romantic.  I think if I had met him online first, it would have been a huge disappointment to discover that lack of spark.  My DH and I on the other hand, met in person, got physical very quickly, and later fell in love.  Different strokes for different folks, obviously, but I suspect that for every happy-ever-after story there are ten more where it didn't work out. 

I agree that you can feel very strongly about someone you met online, but that it isn't the same as what you feel once you've met them.  When I was at uni I dated a guy for a short time who should have been perfect for me.  On paper, we were ideally suited, and even after we broke up, people who knew us separately used to try to set us up.  After we graduated, we developed a wonderful e-mail relationship.  I used to tell him everything, and he was very supportive, as well as funny, clever, inspiring . . . it was wonderful.  Then, after about 2 years of that, we met again in person, and there was just no spark.  Just like there had always been no spark, from the first day we met.  I completely love his e-mail persona, and I love him as a friend, but we could never be romantic.  I think if I had met him online first, it would have been a huge disappointment to discover that lack of spark.  My DH and I on the other hand, met in person, got physical very quickly, and later fell in love.  Different strokes for different folks, obviously, but I suspect that for every happy-ever-after story there are ten more where it didn't work out. 

Well there's more to love than just physical though in my opinion. My aunt and uncle love each other and married each other, but they don't nor have they ever had any kind of physical relationship. Of course that's not what I want for my relationship!

But I do know what you mean about the spark not being there in person.

Why not?  People used to occasionally fall in love through letters.  Times change and so does the media, but people don't.  As has been pointed out though, the physical has to be introduced at some point and it will add to the feelings, either positively or negatively.  Confirm or kill, really.

Sorry, but I'm a cynic. I don't believe you can. I think you can like someone very much and perhaps become a bit infatuated. But there's no comparison to meeting someone in person. That's not to say you won't fall in love with someone you've met online - just that it probably won't geunuinely happen until you spend time together in person.

I would've agreed with you a few years ago, but obviously my mind has changed. It's hard to believe it could happen until it happens to you.

I agree that you can feel very strongly about someone you met online, but that it isn't the same as what you feel once you've met them.  When I was at uni I dated a guy for a short time who should have been perfect for me.  On paper, we were ideally suited, and even after we broke up, people who knew us separately used to try to set us up.  After we graduated, we developed a wonderful e-mail relationship.  I used to tell him everything, and he was very supportive, as well as funny, clever, inspiring . . . it was wonderful.  Then, after about 2 years of that, we met again in person, and there was just no spark.  Just like there had always been no spark, from the first day we met.  I completely love his e-mail persona, and I love him as a friend, but we could never be romantic.  I think if I had met him online first, it would have been a huge disappointment to discover that lack of spark.  My DH and I on the other hand, met in person, got physical very quickly, and later fell in love.  Different strokes for different folks, obviously, but I suspect that for every happy-ever-after story there are ten more where it didn't work out. 

I agree with this, too. There are probably more times that it doesn't actually work out than times when it does. But I wouldn't rule out the possibility of finding the fairy tale.   If the chances of it being a letdown are 9 out of 10, then there is still a chance, isn't there? (I'm obviously an optimist!) I think you have to leave yourself open to unexpected possibilities and be willing to take chances. I am also practical when it comes to a lot of things, and I never thought I would fall in love with someone I had never met in person, I would've thought the idea was crazy. But I did, and so did he. And it was just as real then as it is today. I know some people might not believe it, but I already knew him just as well then as I do now, even though we didn't spend as much time together in person. We would spend up to 11 hours talking on the webcam at a time! I can't say I have ever spent 11 hours just talking to someone in person. (And in fact, we never spend 11 hours just talking anymore, so there you go!  ) You can find out a lot more about a person by just talking and getting to know them than by the more, um, fun ways of getting to know a person. Like I said, getting to know him inside before I knew him outside made him even more attractive and appealing, and so when we did finally get to explore the other stuff, it was dynamite and out of sight!  

In historyenne's case, maybe if they had been able to talk on webcam rather than just emailing, that might have indicated sooner that they weren't a match (just a thought). I think it does help when you can see the person and feel attracted to them physically while you are talking and getting to know them, it is much like talking together in person and can be a very intimate way to get to know someone. I'm sure that using the webcam made all the difference for us, although we emailed and chatted online for a few weeks before trying that out. I would recommend to anyone to try out the webcam before meeting in person, if possible, because it makes it a bit less awkward and you can tell a lot about someone by their expressions, mannerisms, etc. that you wouldn't otherwise know just by speaking on the phone or chatting online.

Why not?  People used to occasionally fall in love through letters.  Times change and so does the media, but people don't.  As has been pointed out though, the physical has to be introduced at some point and it will add to the feelings, either positively or negatively.  Confirm or kill, really.

This was my point, too. (My grandma did, she glanced at my grandpa for 5 minutes from across a room one day, and when he went back to his home state, he asked around and got her address and they wrote letters for a few years. The next time she saw him was at their wedding.) Yes, it could be disastrous if you really feel strongly about a person and then you meet up to find out they are a horrible kisser or have horrendous bad breath or something, or there is some other sort of issue there, but many of those things can be worked on, too, if you really care enough about the person.

Some of the best sex I have ever had was with some of the worst people I have ever known, so that definitely isn't always the best indication of compatability, IMO. And good sex can also lead you to think you have feelings for someone that you maybe don't actually have (or even keep you in a relationship that might be bad for you, in my experience). It's far easier to show someone who pleases you mentally and emotionally how to please you physically, than to show someone who wows you physically how to please you mentally and emotionally, if that makes any sense.

In historyenne's case, maybe if they had been able to talk on webcam rather than just emailing, that might have indicated sooner that they weren't a match (just a thought). I think it does help when you can see the person and feel attracted to them physically while you are talking and getting to know them, it is much like talking together in person and can be a very intimate way to get to know someone. I'm sure that using the webcam made all the difference for us, although we emailed and chatted online for a few weeks before trying that out. I would recommend to anyone to try out the webcam before meeting in person, if possible, because it makes it a bit less awkward and you can tell a lot about someone by their expressions, mannerisms, etc. that you wouldn't otherwise know just by speaking on the phone or chatting online.

We always knew we weren't a match, even when we were dating.  But the e-mailing sort of blurred my memory of that, and I started to think, well, we're older now, maybe things are different . . .  I see your point about the webcam, Jewlz.  However if you chat on a webcam, I'd argue that you have sort-of met in person, because even if you haven't actually been in each other's physical presence, you have taken the physical measure of each other, so to speak, and you have had a more natural, spontaneous interaction.  It would be easier genuinely to fall in love over a webcam than just through correspondence, IMO.  There's a lot in what you say about getting to know someone before getting physical that I agree with, and it reminds me a bit of Amish courting customs, which allow people to talk but not to touch.  *However, for me, physical intimacy (not necessarily sex, but intimacy) is essential even in a developing relationship, and if it's not there, I can't proceed.  I've felt an intellectual connection with a lot of people, but not a physical one, and I just wasn't able to date them because no matter how much we talked, physically we felt like strangers.  DH never really felt like a stranger, so despite the fact that we started a physical relationship sooner than was probably wise, it lasted because there was always more than just sex.  But if I hadn't met him in person, I'm not convinced that I would have felt that connection enough to have been able to pursue the relationship.      

*ETA 
 

We always knew we weren't a match, even when we were dating.  But the e-mailing sort of blurred my memory of that, and I started to think, well, we're older now, maybe things are different . . .  I see your point about the webcam, Jewlz.  However if you chat on a webcam, I'd argue that you have sort-of met in person, because even if you haven't actually been in each other's physical presence, you have taken the physical measure of each other, so to speak, and you have had a more natural, spontaneous interaction.  It would be easier genuinely to fall in love over a webcam than just through correspondence, IMO.  There's a lot in what you say about getting to know someone before getting physical that I agree with, and it reminds me a bit of Amish courting customs, which allow people to talk but not to touch. 
 

Yes, I don't think I would've felt the way I did about him without having used the webcam. As you said, I could see what he looked like and the way his mouth moved and his eyes and expressions and how he looks when he laughs, and so on and so on. It makes all the difference. I knew he was physically attractive, and that he wasn't just sending me some photo of his mate, lol.

My aunt and uncle met once, he got shipped off the Okinawa, they exchanged letters and got married the weekend after he got back! 

I think also we have to remember that this group of people is biased towards online romance/success stories and like someone else said, there are probably a bunch of unsuccessful internet dating stories for every successful one.

historyenne, I had a similar situation!  A guy who had a crush on me when I was 14 started IMing me and e-mailing me when I was 21 and I thought for sure we'd be able to make a go at things since I knew him....but of course, time changed things and it turned out that I couldn't stand him in person anymore!  He didn't have very good personal hygiene and that's such a deal breaker for me (I have a ridiculously sensitive nose, especially when it comes to BO).  I felt really bad, but after about 3 months of dating, I started ignoring him and eventually broke it off.

Some of the best sex I have ever had was with some of the worst people I have ever known, so that definitely isn't always the best indication of compatability, IMO. And good sex can also lead you to think you have feelings for someone that you maybe don't actually have (or even keep you in a relationship that might be bad for you, in my experience). It's far easier to show someone who pleases you mentally and emotionally how to please you physically, than to show someone who wows you physically how to please you mentally and physically, if that makes any sense.

Seconded! I was in a two-year relationship with someone who was only with me because the sex was good. This became more evident as I realized we never talked about other things, never did other things....we went on a handful of dates and most of the time just had sex.  But I was firmly convinced I loved the guy.

Seconded! I was in a two-year relationship with someone who was only with me because the sex was good. This became more evident as I realized we never talked about other things, never did other things....we went on a handful of dates and most of the time just had sex.  But I was firmly convinced I loved the guy.

Yep, I've had the same sorts of relationships before, with 2 different people. Physical chemistry can be very misleading. I actually dated someone off and on for 11 years, and I barely knew anything about him, because we were just physical with each other all of the time. That part of our relationship was phenomenal, but the rest was crap. I finally realized it wasn't the most important aspect of a relationship, and that I would rather have a partner that didn't just look at me as a sexual being, but as a whole person. (Not that every relationship that starts with physical contact ends up this way, I had some that didn't, but overall, I never took the time to get to know anyone as well as I knew DH before we were together in that way.)

Besides, is physical chemistry going to matter all that much when you are both old and wrinkly?  (Not that you would stop having sex, but you know, you might be less physically attracted to one another.) Physical attraction can grow from friendship, and can be even more rewarding that way. And friendships grow through talking and laughing together and sharing experiences, which is so much easier to do with someone you find attractive when you don't have the other options of physical intimacy. My relationship with my husband is unique in that way, because we were able to get to know each other on such a deeper level (well, forced to get to know each other on that deeper level first since we didn't have the other options, it was very frustrating at times!)

But yes, all of that romance and desire and frustration leads to a giant build-up of anticipation of what will happen when you do meet up, and that could be a huge let-down, if what you expect is not what you get. In our case, though, even though our first night together wasn't the big, romatic, dramatic event we dreamed of, it was even more special in many ways.

Besides, is physical chemistry going to matter all that much when you are both old and wrinkly?  (Not that you would stop having sex, but you know, you might be less physically attracted to one another.) Physical attraction can grow from friendship, and can be even more rewarding that way. And friendships grow through talking and laughing together and sharing experiences, which is so much easier to do with someone you find attractive when you don't have the other options of physical intimacy. My relationship with my husband is unique in that way, because we were able to get to know each other on such a deeper level (well, forced to get to know each other on that deeper level first since we didn't have the other options, it was very frustrating at times!)

It actually took Tim and I six months from having feelings for each other before we actually decided to start dating prior to my visit because we specifically didn't want me to arrive with either of us having expectations and then disappointment if something didn't happen. Fortunately, we didn't have any problems there, but I think the fact that we were friends for a year online only, and then friends for three years after we met/before we started dating really helped us. 

I think this really is a case of to-each-her-own.  I agree with everything you say, Jewlz and Becca, but knowing myself I don't think I could have felt really intimate with someone I only knew online.  But then, my pre-marital relationships were cr*p, and meeting DH was so fortuitous it still boggles my mind.  The fact that we felt real intimacy so soon after we met was something I never expected.  Maybe if we'd met online we would have felt it too?  Who knows?

It actually took Tim and I six months from having feelings for each other before we actually decided to start dating prior to my visit because we specifically didn't want me to arrive with either of us having expectations and then disappointment if something didn't happen. Fortunately, we didn't have any problems there, but I think the fact that we were friends for a year online only, and then friends for three years after we met/before we started dating really helped us. 

Becca, I just noticed your ticker is a little train.... awwww... you must miss him a lot! 

I think this really is a case of to-each-her-own.  I agree with everything you say, Jewlz and Becca, but knowing myself I don't think I could have felt really intimate with someone I only knew online.  But then, my pre-marital relationships were cr*p, and meeting DH was so fortuitous it still boggles my mind.  The fact that we felt real intimacy so soon after we met was something I never expected.  Maybe if we'd met online we would have felt it too?  Who knows?

Yeah, had it been anyone else, I can't imagine me having the patience to stick out a relationship that had to be mostly online due to the distance. It was tough, and it takes a lot of commitment to make that work.

I think it's possible to meet someone online and genuinely find a connection that grows stronger and stronger if it's right. I think you can know someone without meeting them, if you're perceptive enough, and given enough time to build a connection to someone, I think it's possible to fall in love with that person, even if you havn't met them face to face yet.

What do you think about that?

I agree!