Ms vs. Miss vs. Mrs

Not saying it's right or wrong, and maybe it's an age thing (I didn't get married until I was well into my 30's) but I think it's curious that people (not just you, Andee - this isn't a personally aimed observation) feel this way. It never even occurs to me that I'm "disclosing" anything by letting people know I'm married.... Like I said, not saying it's right or wrong - just interesting.

And in what way do you find it interesting? Not saying it's right, or wrong, but I guess I find your interest interesting.

Would you mind expanding on it a little bit?

Not saying it's right or wrong, and maybe it's an age thing (I didn't get married until I was well into my 30's) but I think it's curious that people (not just you, Andee - this isn't a personally aimed observation) feel this way. It never even occurs to me that I'm "disclosing" anything by letting people know I'm married.... Like I said, not saying it's right or wrong - just interesting.

I kinda agree with this.  I guess I feel like I'm married.  That's just a fact.  It doesn't define who I am.  It doesn't say anything about me.  I don't find that it's anything I mind people knowing. Why would you not want people to know that?

I find your interest interesting.

Hee.

I don't find that it's anything I mind people knowing. Why would you not want people to know that?

That's where I was coming from, really - I don't care one way or another if people know I'm married - it's neither something that I feel I need to point out nor something I need to keep from people. I just find it curious that people might feel it's something to hide - I think it was the word "disclosing" that jumped out at me.

It never even occurs to me that I'm "disclosing" anything by letting people know I'm married....

I have to agree with this.  The big ol' wedding ring on my finger that I never take off is a pretty big disclosure of my marital status...long before anyone knows my name or title.  To me it's kinda like saying that you always wear a hat because you don't want to disclose your hair color.  It's just a part of who I am, a fact of life.  I guess I just don't see any reason for it to be a big secret.  But I guess you could look at it the same way as revealing your age.  It's just a part of who you are and I don't see any reason to keep that a secret either, but lots of people do.  To each their own...

Why would you not want people to know that?

I dunno...but what if just I don't? What's if there's no better rationale than that? After all, it is personal information and surely there's nothing strange about wanting to have some measure of control over who knows it and who does not? Even if the reasoning behind it is no more robust than "..just cause."

I dunno...but what if just I don't? What's if there's no better rationale than that? After all, it is personal information and surely there's nothing strange about wanting to have some measure of control over who knows it and who does not? Even if the reasoning behind it is no more robust than "..just cause."

I can support this...lots of people do things 'just cuz'.  As women with rights, we are able to do that.  There are lots of women all over the world that aren't allowed to make any decisions about anything.  So even if I your decision strange or interesting, I'm happy that we (as humans, but even more so as women) live in countries were we are allowed to make our own strange and interesting decisions.

From my personal standpoint, I'm loud and proud about being married...I want everyone to know...just cuz!

Even if the reasoning behind it is no more robust than "..just cause."

"Just 'cause" is a perfectly good reason! I'm glad we're all free to choose whether we want to be Mrs, Ms or Miss, and to go to work or to stay home and work - or to sit on the sofa and eat bonbons all day. That's nice.

What's kind of bugging me here (bugging me just a smidge, not a whole lot) is that those of us who choose to be Mrs or Miss are saying that we don't mind either way - that it doesn't really make a difference. But some of the people who prefer Ms have tossed out words like "never-married virgin spinster," "offensive," "old-fashioned," "belittling," "demeaning" and "insulting." Not to mention the implication that by using Miss we're making ourselves out to be "little girls," and not as "dignified and worldly" as those using Ms. Oh, yes, and we're also setting ourselves up to be on the receiving end of "laughing" and "mocking."

I find that all just a teensy bit insulting to those of us who choose not to use Ms. Are we really that awful??

I get plenty of post addressed to Ms and, although it's not my preferred style of address, I honestly don't find it insulting, nor do I get worked up about it at all.

Can't we all just do what we want without being subjected to name-calling?

This must've been the thread that spawned everyone taking titles... I was gettiing curious!

I've chosen to go with one that doesn't discriminate on gender.

From my personal standpoint, I'm loud and proud about being married...I want everyone to know...just cuz!

What was that? Could you speak up I couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome you are.   

[for those that may be wondering, look at Mistress TarnLover's sig line]

One of my sisters is a medical doctor and while she always goes by her title at work, elsewhere she avoids using it.  Even though she makes this preference clear it's amazing how many people insist on introducing her at parties, etc. as Doctor Mary Smith (not her real name) and not just Mary Smith.   I once introduced her that way to my headteacher when she was paying a visit to my school years ago (because I was showing off) and he immediately turned around, lifted up his shirt and asked her to take a look at the weeping cyst on his back!      I began to understand why she doesn't go by "doctor" in her "free time".

he immediately turned around, lifted up his shirt and asked her to take a look at the weeping cyst on his back!      I began to understand why she doesn't go by "doctor" in her "free time".

NICE. lol. 

What was that? Could you speak up I couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome you are.   

[for those that may be wondering, look at Mistress TarnLover's sig line]

LMAO...that just made my day!

...some of the people who prefer Ms have tossed out words like "never-married virgin spinster," "offensive," "old-fashioned," "belittling," "demeaning" and "insulting." Not to mention the implication that by using Miss we're making ourselves out to be "little girls," and not as "dignified and worldly" as those using Ms. Oh, yes, and we're also setting ourselves up to be on the receiving end of "laughing" and "mocking."

I find that all just a teensy bit insulting to those of us who choose not to use Ms. Are we really that awful??

I get plenty of post addressed to Ms and, although it's not my preferred style of address, I honestly don't find it insulting, nor do I get worked up about it at all.

Can't we all just do what we want without being subjected to name-calling?

You're right.

But would you take my word for it that this thread has actually been pretty balanced in that respect? Both side gave and received pretty equally?

You're right.

But would you take my word for it that this thread has actually been pretty balanced in that respect? Both side gave and received pretty equally?

I've been following this thread since Becca first posted, and I'd have to agree with Mort (in more ways than one ) it's been a really interesting, insightful thread to a topic I've honestly given not much thought about and delightfully free (for the most part) from sniping.

I will say I've honestly found people's perceptions, assumptions, interest, thoughts on the subjects of titles very enlightening and I think it will make me consider my use of them much more in my general life.

To throw my hat in the ring, I'm a user of "Miss", I always tick the Miss box, and never even thought about how some people might consider it "little girlish" or about it's wider implications in terms of what I may be unconsciously revealing or not revealing about myself, my relationship status or my political/social stances.

Overall I'm a "miss" because at this juncture in my life I am completely comfortable with being a "miss" and that's all that matters to me!

Thanks everyone who's contributed!

Plus as I have publications in my maiden name, I'd probably keep it professionally, which would make everything extra confusing.

I deliberately publish under a pseudonym for this reason. Well, that and I didn't particularly want to use my real name. 

I mailed out my invites this morning.  Most of my friends are still "Ms". A friend of mine from childhood my mom added to my guest list got "Miss" only because I didn't catch it before I printed labels. My 77-yr-old (maiden) aunt got "Miss" ( I saw her today to hand deliver her invitation, she filled out the response card as "Miss CMJS" so she obviously still calls herself "Miss").  My divorced cousin still got "Mrs" the way my mom wrote it, but I changed my divorced friend to Ms (as I'm closer to her and know she'd have preferred to be Ms at this point).  My widowed friend (she's the same age as me) got "Mrs FirstName MarriedLastName", but my widowed cousin stayed "Mrs. HusbandsFirstName HusbandsLastName", so I only half gave in to mom.  I briefly debated about taking off the titles, but THAT would have offended some of my family.