Deal Breakers

This is a pretty big issue. It's definitely something you can work through together, but if you can't come to some sort of agreement, it could lead to resentment.

It's funny, I have a 5.5 year old, and after I had her, I said I was done. But at that time, my marriage was already pretty much over. I think being in love can change those feelings. I am at a place now where I can't wait to have one more...my clock is on overdrive. I never thought I would change my mind, but I really do want one more. His clock is just as fast or faster than mine at this point, which is a good thing.

That being said, I told him that I knew I would only want one more. We had a very honest talk about that...that after, god-willing, we have a child, I really will be finished. I told him that I intended to get my tubes tied after delivery, and the factory would be forever closed. So he would have a stepdaughter and one child. I told him that he needed to be ABSOLUTELY sure that he could be happy with just one biological child, because I knew this time I would not be changing my mind. Because if he wanted more than one child, I would never want to rob him of that. I told him I would never want to hold him back from the life he wants. To which he replied that as much as he wants a child, if it came down to having me and NO children, or not having me at all, that he would never want to be without me. That was all I needed to hear.

Bottom line, it's important to have a very honest talk and be up front with each other about what you both want. Because if you aren't clear with each other now, there could be some serious bumps down the road. People can change their minds (obviously I'm proof of that), but you really can't count on that.

He had to meet the 3-S rule:  single (which goes without saying really), sane, and solvent.

Past relationships/marriages with others failed due to drug/alcohol problems, one's family didn't accept me, sheer insanity, mild domestic violence, money problems, and ye olde 'I'm not sure how I feel about you anymore' routine...among other reasons.  So having learned at the school of hard knocks, those are all deal breakers for me ever since.

Lastly, I wasn't able to conceive children, so my husband needed to be able to accept we wouldn't have children, or else be willing to adopt.

Fortunately, I am third time lucky! 

Xenophobia or belittling of foreigners, lack of interest in foreign languages and cultures... (not knowing who Unax Ugalde is, for example), voting Conservative, supporting UKIP or even worse, the BNP...

This is a pretty big issue. It's definitely something you can work through together, but if you can't come to some sort of agreement, it could lead to resentment.

It's funny, I have a 5.5 year old, and after I had her, I said I was done. But at that time, my marriage was already pretty much over. I think being in love can change those feelings. I am at a place now where I can't wait to have one more...my clock is on overdrive. I never thought I would change my mind, but I really do want one more. His clock is just as fast or faster than mine at this point, which is a good thing.

That being said, I told him that I knew I would only want one more. We had a very honest talk about that...that after, god-willing, we have a child, I really will be finished. I told him that I intended to get my tubes tied after delivery, and the factory would be forever closed. So he would have a stepdaughter and one child. I told him that he needed to be ABSOLUTELY sure that he could be happy with just one biological child, because I knew this time I would not be changing my mind. Because if he wanted more than one child, I would never want to rob him of that. I told him I would never want to hold him back from the life he wants. To which he replied that as much as he wants a child, if it came down to having me and NO children, or not having me at all, that he would never want to be without me. That was all I needed to hear.

Bottom line, it's important to have a very honest talk and be up front with each other about what you both want. Because if you aren't clear with each other now, there could be some serious bumps down the road. People can change their minds (obviously I'm proof of that), but you really can't count on that.

That's really good advice!

Bottom line, it's important to have a very honest talk and be up front with each other about what you both want. Because if you aren't clear with each other now, there could be some serious bumps down the road. People can change their minds (obviously I'm proof of that), but you really can't count on that.

This is good advice.

However, the other side of it is that you may not know what you want or how you feel about X thing at Y stage in your life.

I guess open talking is the most important, even if you are just working through stuff yourself. It's OK to not know. What important is to come to a mutually agreed middle ground wherever er possible and sensible.

Smoking at all, Drug addiction, Alcoholism, domestic violence (physical or mental), a screamer in general, a slob.

druggies,heavy drinkers, anyone who still lives at home with their parents,unemployed

Football fans. Cricket fans. In fact any kind of sports fan at all. Heavy drinkers. Snobs. Petrol heads.

Football fans. Cricket fans. In fact any kind of sports fan at all. Heavy drinkers. Snobs. Petrol heads.

haha im a petrolhead.

ive noticed you posted a few times in this thread. do you actually have that long of a list on silly things?

Aside from the aforementioned ones like drugs, violence, etc...

Someone with a ridiculous sense of entitlement.  I can't stand people who constantly think the world owes them something.

Also, someone who cannot manage money well.  I don't need to be rich, I don't want to be rich, but I certainly don't want someone who buys an HDTV instead of paying the rent.

Someone who would hang a plastic bag of dog poo in a tree and leave it there.

haha im a petrolhead.

ive noticed you posted a few times in this thread. do you actually have that long of a list on silly things?

I keep thinking of new ones.

Football fans.

Ahh, see, I love how passionate football fans are. I think they are the most passionate sports' fans in the world!

Someone who would hang a plastic bag of dog poo in a tree and leave it there.

   That is nasty.

  That is nasty.

A tree full of it is even nastier.  Like a stinky little anti-Christmas tree left by the Grinch.