Deal Breakers

--- dated a pothead for a little while, i ended up dumping him the day he got his electric turned off by the power company because he wanted to buy a big bag of pot then pay his electric bill.

---dated a guy who was 28 at the time,and still lived at home with his mother. his mother still did his laundry,his cooking, and even packed him a lunch everyday for work...that will never happen again!

and like i said earlier, i also wouldnt date anyone unemployed. its not the money  i care about. i could care less if he is a doctor or if he scrubs toilets at mcdonalds. someone who is unemployed (by their choice) is just plain lazy and immature.

I think there is a difference between what we look for in a potential partner and what is a deal breaker with someone you are already involved with (the OP asked about your SO so I took that to mean someone you are already in love with, married to, etc.).

There are a lot of qualities that would steer me away from someone if I was single and looking, but I wouldn't consider most of those to be a true deal breaker (as in, I would get divorced over it if it came up later in the relationship). 

I think there is a difference between what we look for in a potential partner and what is a deal breaker with someone you are already involved with (the OP asked about your SO so I took that to mean someone you are already in love with, married to, etc.).

There are a lot of qualities that would steer me away from someone if I was single and looking, but I wouldn't consider most of those to be a true deal breaker (as in, I would get divorced over it if it came up later in the relationship). 

Yes, that's exactly what I meant. And I have to say that reading some of these have made me feel a bit better about the situation. 

Being allergic to cats.  Total deal-breaker.  That's the biggest one for me, but there are many more..

Smoking. I'm allergic and I watched two of my grandparent's battle lung cancer (and loose). DH doesn't smoke and he knows if he ever started, it would destroy our relationship.

Any type of abuse and I would walk away. I might think about coming back after he has some serious treatment/therapy. Same if he ever cheated. 

Same if he ever cheated. 

That's the first mention of cheating on this thread I believe. That's a good one!

Dealbreakers for a new relationship:

1) Potheads.  Occasional, casual usage I could deal with, as long as I wasn't present.  But if it's happening more than twice a month, I'm probably going to get annoyed.

2) Republicans/Conservatives.  Been there, done that.  Drove me insane.  Never again.  My politics reflect what I see as moral/ethical obligations to society, and this is just completely at odds with that viewpoint.  I just spend too much time being angry, and it's probably bad for my blood pressure.

Dealbreakers in an existing relationship:

Abuse of any sort, any addiction for which they refuse treatment, criminal activity.

Beyond that, I'm pretty flexible.  All I'd expect is that, if a problem did arise, there was a reasonable attempt to understand my feelings and to compromise on a solution.

Lying, infidelity, substance abuse, smoking (I'm allergic and it sets my asthma off), cat-hating, abusive behavior (including animal cruelty), conservative politics (Republicans, where I live), fundamentalist religion.  The first three are huge reasons why I'm no longer married.

I used to have a long list of things I required in a husband but, as it turned out, DH is the complete opposite in a lot of ways. And it doesn't matter one bit. I'm liberal, he's conservative. So what? I thought I could only marry someone with a university degree. He doesn't have one, but he's smarter than most graduates I know.

Sometimes the things you think matter really don't.

Lying, infidelity, substance abuse, smoking (I'm allergic and it sets my asthma off), cat-hating, abusive behavior (including animal cruelty), conservative politics (Republicans, where I live), fundamentalist religion.  The first three are huge reasons why I'm no longer married.

I sort of take the above as given.  I'd never even go on one date with someone who had those traits / opinions!  (I do realize some of those things may not be apparant until you've been with a person a while like infidelity.

Sometimes the things you think matter really don't.

I do agree with this as well.  I used to think I couldn't be in a serious relationship with someone who wasn't vegetarian, but my ex was and that didn't work out, so now I'm with a man who does eat meat and I'm fine with that.

I used to have a long list of things I required in a husband but, as it turned out, DH is the complete opposite in a lot of ways. And it doesn't matter one bit. I'm liberal, he's conservative. So what? I thought I could only marry someone with a university degree. He doesn't have one, but he's smarter than most graduates I know.

Sometimes the things you think matter really don't.

Exactly. A liberal university-educated person would be part of my ideal, but I've dated non-university educated Conservative people in the past.

My deal-breakers are more behavior-driven:
smoking (gross)
heavy alcohol use (I don't drink much, so it would be boring to be around someone constantly drinking)
drug use (don't use them, don't like them)
cheating/lying
someone who's dramatically different than me moral-wise
religious fundamentalists (who probably wouldn't like me much anyway )

I think all of the above would still be deal-breakers if they cropped up during a relationship, though cheating/lying could be dealt with/moved past.

Guys who are too macho and have that "You looking at something friend?" sort of attitude, or who do that shoulder bump thing when they pass another man they feel threatened by. Uggggghhhhh. I hate that sort of thing. Guys who like to pick fights. I suspect they are compensating for something, and if that's the case, then I'm not interested anyway. 

Guys who are too macho and have that "You looking at something friend?" sort of attitude, or who do that shoulder bump thing when they pass another man they feel threatened by. Uggggghhhhh. I hate that sort of thing. Guys who like to pick fights. I suspect they are compensating for something, and if that's the case, then I'm not interested anyway. 

Ewww.  Agreed.

Abuse, infidelity, and any sign that he or she had any disdain for me. [ETA: Liars would probably make the list as well.]  I've dated people with almost every single thing listed so far, except maybe football fans.  And that's just a coincidence.  My husband and I do not share every single interest, but they overlap enough for us.

If Mr A started smoking pot (HA! I can't imagine this), it'd be hard.  I really think pot sort of retards development, creativity, and thought.  Of course, when I was a pothead, I thought the opposite.  But when I gave it up I didn't give up some of the people who continue to smoke to this day.  Having a conversation with them, especially when they are high, but even when they're not, is a bit depressing to me.

Moody, inconsistent people. I like to know where I stand with people. I hate it when someone treats you differently from day to day. Like they are your best friend one day and then the next day they pass you by without saying hello, or they get upset with you for some odd reason but won't discuss it with you. Or people whose moods just seem to change instantly. I won't even be friends with people like that.

I also steer clear of people who are overly negative, depressed, or constantly wallowing in self-pity. Obviously everyone feels like this from time to time, or even for extended periods when facing difficult situations, but I'm referring to people who are like this the majority of the time, seemingly without good cause.

Other ones would include alcoholics (I don't mind drinking, but not every day and to excess), criminal activity / parole violators, couchsurfers, mooches, the happily unemployed, people with too much personal drama / baggage, and disloyal people or cheaters.

Also, self-absorbed and inconsiderate people who leave you hanging when you are supposed to meet up and don't even call you to say they will be late or even have a good reason for it when they do finally show up. The first time that happens, I'm out the door. It's a sign of a general lack of respect and common courtesy for other people.