You wouldn't have been able to get the other visa even if your visitor status was valid, the law changed in 2003 that prevents people from doing specifically what you tried to do so no matter what you would have had to leave your husband behind in order to get your new visa.
Can you 'switch' if you are already in the UK?
You will not be allowed to switch if:
you have entered or remained in the UK in breach of the immigration laws (for example, by overstaying your visa); or
your marriage or civil partnership took place after a decision was made to deport or remove you from the UK; or
you came to the UK as a visitor with permission to stay for 6 months - you must leave the UK and apply from your country of residence.
When i went to the immigration office to pick up my paperwork i literaly broke down crying the lady brought me to the back room and said because i overstayed on a visitor visa by me applying for the spousal they will approve me because its a totally different visa and that my husband is a british citizen so that really helps alot.
True, as overtsays are generally disregarded for Settlement visas, unless there are other issues (such as working illegally or using the NHS when not eligible to). This is specifically addressed by Immigration Rule 320 7(B)
Grounds on which entry clearance or leave to enter the United Kingdom is to be refused
(7B) subject to paragraph 320(7C), where the applicant has previously breached the UK's immigration laws by:
(a) Overstaying;
(b) breaching a condition attached to his leave;
(c) being an Illegal Entrant;
(d) using Deception in an application for entry clearance, leave to enter or remain (whether successful or not);
unless the applicant:
(i) Overstayed for 28 days or less and left the UK voluntarily, not at the expense (directly or indirectly) of the Secretary of State;
(ii) used Deception in an application for entry clearance more than 10 years ago;
(iii) left the UK voluntarily, not at the expense (directly or indirectly) of the Secretary of State, more than 12 months ago;
(iv) left the UK voluntarily, at the expense (directly or indirectly) of the Secretary of State, more than 2 years ago; and the date the person left the UK was no more than 6 months after the date on which the person was given notice of the removal decision, or no more than 6 months after the date on which the person no longer had a pending appeal; whichever is the later;
(v) left the UK voluntarily, at the expense (directly or indirectly) of the Secretary of State, more than 5 years ago; or
(vi) was removed or deported from the UK more than 10 years ago.
Where more than one breach of the UK's immigration laws has occurred, only the breach which leads to the longest period of absence from the UK will be relevant under this paragraph.
(7C) Paragraph 320(7B) shall not apply in the following circumstances:
(a) where the applicant is applying as:
(i) a spouse, civil partner or unmarried or same-sex partner under
paragraphs 281 or 295A,
So in simplified information as long as you meet the maintenance & accommodation, sponsor's information & provided all necessary documentation it's really only going to be a matter of time before you can be with your husband again.
However, had you done the research ahead of time you could have gotten a fiancee visa before you went to the UK the first time that way you could have gotten married and switched to a FLR(M) and never had to leave the UK to get your new visa.
So, try to enjoy the things about the US you like (favorite foods, places & your peeps) as it may be a long time before you'll enjoy those things again when your visa comes through. Make the best of it really because the worrying and drama doesn't make the time go any faster, it takes as long as it takes and we've all been there. So make the best of it and try to enjoy it a little.
