Start with onions... loads of them, cooked in ghee (rather than just oil) for ages until they are a pulp/paste. Then you can add your spices and chillies to the onions and then add your meat. A long, slow cooking (2-3 hours) is best and should make your pork really tender.
I ended up finding a really good recipe for a marinade and sauce, and it turned out better than I could have imagined. Took me 3 hours to cook everything because we didn't have enough pots/frying pans to do everything at once! Even though the recipe said that it only made 2 portions, somehow we ate all we wanted last night, sent some with DH for his lunch, have enough for my lunch today, plus one more serving! I used coconut oil (refined, so no coconut taste) this time and it was awesome.
I think next time, I'm going to do what you suggested, then dump it all into the slow cooker. Hopefully that will let everything cook low and slow and not burn!
