Inconvenient Annoyances

Uggh, families. Well, surely if there isn't flexibility in any dates, no one can expect you to be there!

For all the good things that I miss being so far away, there are times when it's much easier to be far away when it comes to family issues!!!

An immediate family member just decided to get married with only a few months notice, and the wedding date is less than two months after my long planned trip across the pond. For reasons I won't get into, it's impossible to reschedule or cancel that trip, and the family member is aware of the inconvenience but isn't willing to reconsider the wedding date. The money I'd hoped to use to explore more of Europe this summer will now go to a second expensive overseas airfare.

Another family member cheerfully said in response to the situation: "this is what you signed up for when you moved abroad!" It's not quite what I had in mind, actually. Very happy for the people getting married but not the IA it's causing me!

I don't care who that person was or how they were related to me, I'd skip that wedding.  (Of course, I'm the heartless daughter who didn't go to her father's funeral, so don't mind me...)

It's so validating to hear you guys would be upset by this too! My family is 100% blaming this situation on me for moving abroad, and I wondered if something was wrong with me for feeling upset and resentful. FWIW, I considered my family's incessant pressure to visit, which gets worse as I get older, a huge incentive for moving abroad. For example, I'm an awful person for skipping a holiday party my aunt threw in the US last Christmas ("every cousin was there but you!")

The person getting married is my only sibling. I'm expected to be there barring an zombie apocalypse, basically.

It's so validating to hear you guys would be upset by this too! My family is 100% blaming this situation on me for moving abroad, and I wondered if something was wrong with me for feeling upset and resentful. FWIW, I considered my family's incessant pressure to visit, which gets worse as I get older, a huge incentive for moving abroad. For example, I'm an awful person for skipping a holiday party my aunt threw in the US last Christmas ("every cousin was there but you!")

The person getting married is my only sibling. I'm expected to be there barring an zombie apocalypse, basically.

It almost sounds like they've done things this way strictly because they knew that it'd be difficult for you and it's like they're punishing you....Maybe it's just me being cynical..

but you have done nothing wrong by moving abroad. It just seems like they aren't being very supportive of your choices, which sucks

Mmmm.... Guilt trips. Everyone is here but you. You had to go and move so far from us.  We'll keep doing what we always do and it's up to you find a way to keep up with us. Because it was your choice.

It's bullshit.

You are your own person and you get to pick and choose how your life goes. It's only your life to live.

A sibling wedding? Yes, that's worth a trip to me. But, I would go to a sibling wedding and then skip a same ole Christmas (or whatever) trip next time. I am not made of money, jet lag, or endless time.  That's life. 

It's so validating to hear you guys would be upset by this too! My family is 100% blaming this situation on me for moving abroad, and I wondered if something was wrong with me for feeling upset and resentful. FWIW, I considered my family's incessant pressure to visit, which gets worse as I get older, a huge incentive for moving abroad. For example, I'm an awful person for skipping a holiday party my aunt threw in the US last Christmas ("every cousin was there but you!")

The person getting married is my only sibling. I'm expected to be there barring an zombie apocalypse, basically.

Tell them they are welcome to come visit you at their expense, or they are welcome to pay for you to come visit them.  You don't owe them all of your spare cash and holiday time.

You don't owe them all of your spare cash and holiday time.

Yeah I know that I struggle with feeling guilty because there are places I want to see in the US but I feel like if I'm going to the states, I have to stop and see my family/friends there and I already see them once a year so I feel like I just would rather not even go elsewhere in the US because of this. It's hard enough when I go home for a visit and I feel like the 2 weeks is planned for me before it even hits 1 month before I'm due to arrive! I know it can feel like you have this obligation and you feel guilty if you don't fulfil it, but seriously! You are entitled to catch a break and not spend all your time and money appeasing them.

#truth

x0Kiss0fDeath, spot on post....

#truth

x0Kiss0fDeath, spot on post....

I'm just agreeing with JF so really her post is right on the nose

Yes, JFkimberly , definitely, is spot on too.  Lots of heavy nodding in agreement here from me across this topic. 

An immediate family member just decided to get married with only a few months notice, and the wedding date is less than two months after my long planned trip across the pond. For reasons I won't get into, it's impossible to reschedule or cancel that trip, and the family member is aware of the inconvenience but isn't willing to reconsider the wedding date. The money I'd hoped to use to explore more of Europe this summer will now go to a second expensive overseas airfare.

Another family member cheerfully said in response to the situation: "this is what you signed up for when you moved abroad!" It's not quite what I had in mind, actually. Very happy for the people getting married but not the IA it's causing me!

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't worry about it!    Especially with the attitude you are receiving!

An immediate family member just decided to get married with only a few months notice, and the wedding date is less than two months after my long planned trip across the pond. For reasons I won't get into, it's impossible to reschedule or cancel that trip, and the family member is aware of the inconvenience but isn't willing to reconsider the wedding date. The money I'd hoped to use to explore more of Europe this summer will now go to a second expensive overseas airfare.

Another family member cheerfully said in response to the situation: "this is what you signed up for when you moved abroad!" It's not quite what I had in mind, actually. Very happy for the people getting married but not the IA it's causing me!

Sorry for being such a philistine, but are they like holding a gun to your head (metaphorically speaking) to force you to attend? If they want you there badly enough, they can move the date. If not, you could politely decline the invitation, noting that it would not be financially possible for you to do the trip twice.

Another message board that I enjoy reading (I don't participate) is "Am I Being Unreasonable?" on a popular website.

It has given me amazing insight into both people and British people specifically.

ALL THE TIME, people say "You are the one who moved away, therefore you are the one who has to travel."  It's such bullshit.  I am SO grateful that my parents don't feel that way.

AncestorySpouse, I am so sorry that your family feel that way.  It's not cool.  But I get it - if it's a sibling and you don't want to cause a huge family rift - you've got to swallow your pride and go.

As my kids start to get older, we want to explore the USA on our trips.  It's going to be "we will be HERE during the week of XXXX, join us."  The onus will be on them. 

As my kids start to get older, we want to explore the USA on our trips.  It's going to be "we will be HERE during the week of XXXX, join us."  The onus will be on them.

THIS!  We deserve to use some of our resources of time and money to do the things we want, too.  If they want to see us, they can use some of their resources of time and money to make that happen.  if we weren't making the trip to the Grand Canyon, they'd have to fly to the UK to see us.  So, really, we're making it easier on them by getting the transatlantic flight out of the equation for them.  That should be good enough.

As my kids start to get older, we want to explore the USA on our trips.  It's going to be "we will be HERE during the week of XXXX, join us."  The onus will be on them.

We thought about taking that approach in future as well