Guilt trip about resigning from my US job

I suppose this is basically  a vent as I don't know what kind of advice can be given. Anyway:

I have worked for my company for 14 1/2 years. I have received successive pay raises and promotions, and now have lots of responsibility.

I haven't yet told anyone at my job about my plans to move to the UK. This is because I need to take a short trip to England in February to take care of a few things (including possibly giving notice of marriage at the Registry, since I already have my fiance visa and I should be there for more than 8 days) but then I want to come back to the US and work till April, so I can earn as much money as possible before I quit.   If I give notice now, I obviously won't be able to take my vacation.

Well, today I got my annual review, and I got a raise and even more responsibility.  I really feel awful knowing that I am going to be leaving and nobody suspects.   As a matter of fact, one of my objectives for the year has a deadline of June 30, 2005.  I should be living in England and married by then.

Oh crap, I just realized something.  That objective involves being able to cover for my boss on a certain aspect of her job.  The deadline date must mean she is planning to take a vacation in July and wants  me to be able to cover for her.  Now I feel worse.

I am planning to give a month's notice, which I am pretty sure is sufficient, but I still feel terrible.

Sweet,

Would you consider waiting until your boss gets back from vacation to come here and get married? How much of a lurch will you be leaving her in?

Also, I don't know what you do, workwise, but do you have a job you could do from anywhere? (For example, I'm an editor/writer and do everything on the computer/online, so I can work from anywhere that provides computer access).

This reminds me of when I found out I was pregnant after just receiving a promotion. I knew I was trying to get pregnant when the promotion was offered and felt a bit guilty but also knew that I would do the best I could do at work up until the time I left. (I knew I would resign and become a stay at home mom). Just hang in there, you are taking care of yourself and taking care of work as best you can. You are giving them plenty of notice but I know it is difficult to go on as if everything is the same when things are changing quickly in your life. Just hang in there and take it one step at a time!

Helena

Guilt sux - why bother

Guilt sux - why bother

Ahhh...said so much better than I did or could!

Guilt sux - why bother

I So agree!!!

 No way I could wait till after my boss leaves. My fiance visa expires 12 July, my wedding is booked for 11 June.

I work in the advertising department of a large, well-known magazine in the US. I handle contracts and I'm the liaison between the sales staff and the production department. I could probably help out a bit online, but I couldn't do enough to justify being paid a full salary.

Actually, I've been reprimanded for sending too many business emails. My boss has a thing about preferring face to face conversation.

I'm sure your boss will get over it. I was supposed to go on a month long business trip around the time I was getting married in  2003. My boss kept putting it off  and putting it off and it was getting closer and closer to my wedding day then finally in the middle of a team meeting she announced the dates she wanted me to go so I had to tell her there and then in front of the other team members that I couldn't and why. She wasn't very happy at first but it helped that one of my colleagues already knew and was happy to step in. Perhaps you have a colleague you are close enough to who you could tell of your plans and come to an agreement with them so that when you do tell your boss, you can suggest the said colleague as your replacement or stand in.  Just a suggestion.

I already have people who can cover for me when I am on vacation, and on my month leave I plan to work either with the people who temporarily cover or train my replacement, if they get hired in time.

One reason it's bothering so much is I was supposed to take a short trip to England over Christmas and had to unexpectedly extend it 9 days because there were problems with the trains from York to Manchester Airport, so I couldn't get to the airport the day my plane was scheduled to leave,  and then I wasn't able to reschedule my flight back.   I worked online via email over that time, but at my review I got reprimanded for extending my vacation, and was told that I made things difficult for other people and I shouldn't let my personal life interfere with my job.

So why are you worrying about it?  If they don't give a shite about your personal life, don't give a shite what happens when you're gone enjoying it.

Honestly - when you're dead your tombstone will read "Sweetpeach, beloved wife of UK Guy" - not "Sweetpeach, former employee of Company X."

They'll get over it and move on.  They would cut you in a moment if it were "good for the Company" and not worry about how you would feed yourself the next day.

[quote They would cut you in a moment if it were "good for the Company" and not worry about how you would feed yourself the next day.

Without a doubt!


Sweetpeach,

I so agree with what everyone has said! As Peedal said they don't have a problem saying what they want to say. Life changes and you are moving onto the next chapter in your life...and its exciting. Your collegues and management should be happy for you!

Best wishes!

Julie

So why are you worrying about it? If they don't give a sh*te about your personal life, don't give a sh*te what happens when you're gone enjoying it.

Honestly - when you're dead your tombstone will read "Sweetpeach, beloved wife of UK Guy" - not "Sweetpeach, former employee of Company X."

They'll get over it and move on. They would cut you in a moment if it were "good for the Company" and not worry about how you would feed yourself the next day.

I ditto this sentiment.

It's a job, you have bigger priorities. I can understand your guilt but you shouldn't let your job rule your life, know what I mean?

Do what you have to do to make you happy, not your boss.  

I agree with the others,  just don't worry about it, especially if they treat you like that!

You are all right.  Thank you for making me feel better. As a matter of fact, the knowledge that my company will get along without me was a major part in my decision to move to the UK, vs. my fiance coming here. He has a job taking care of disabled young people who are attached to him, and it would be a loss for them if he were to leave. On the other hand, I can be replaced.

A couple of years ago, my company was reorganized and everyone in my department was let go without warning and replaced overnight, except for me, the administrative assistant, and my boss. I've felt weird about my job since then.

I'd also previously been thinking about how everyone else at my job gets to go home every day to their spouses, boyfriends or girlfriends, and that I'd like to be able to do that, too.

I also agree with everyone here. You can't let your job rule your life. You already gave them 14 years of your life and now that you finally found love and happiness don't  let them make you feel guilty! You love this man and he loves you and soon you'll be living for each other. I think the sooner you tell them the better. I think every job is the same when you put your notice in. People start treating you different, try to discourage you, give you a guilt trip, they may even be a little jelous of you but none of that matters because your happiness is far more important and with your experience I'm sure jobs will be easy to find for you in the UK. Please don't feel terrible for what you're doing.

"There is one thing I've learned in all my years... sometimes you gotta say "what the **ck." Make your move."   ( Risky Business, 1983 Tom Cruise as Joel Goodson) that quote is priceless

Good luck and best wishes!
Kay
PS..I just sent in my documents in today to the Consulate in Chicago :