How do you adapt and adjust?

Hi Katie,
I can completely identify with you.  I've been here since August, my husband is from the UK.  
I miss all the tacky fun things about the US, like Taco Bell, freshly brewed coffee at gas stations--what is this fondness for instant coffee--ugh.  I miss People magazine and recognizing the stars being gossiped about.  I miss Barnes & Noble, Target, and the Mall of America! I miss American accents.  I miss American fashions, being able to have one's own individual style.  I mainly miss my old job, friends and family.  I constantly feel like I'm an outsider, like I stick out like a sore thumb as being different from everyone else.
I try to email my friends in the US as often as possible.  My mom saves her People magazines and sends them to me.  I watch American shows on the TV that I never watched in the US, just to hear the accent.  And I try to tell myself that this is a once in a lifetime adventure (we do intend to move back to the US in a few years) and that I need to try to enjoy myself more and appreciate the differences.  The pep talks to myself don't always work, but I keep trying!!! Hang in there!
Judy fromMN

I've noticed that there has been alot of debates regarding what Americans view as necessities that are considered as luxuries here in the UK.  Quite a few people said that everything they could get in America, like dryers, dishwashers, etc. they could get in the UK.
I agree that is the case but there are a few differences.  First of all, most of the houses don't have alot of space.  Our kitchen is so small, there is no room for a dryer or a dishwasher, both of which I have not been without for years.
Another difference is the price.  These items are not as cheap as they are in the US when you take in consideration that the wages here are so much lower. So when you don't have the cash or the space, these items do become luxuries.  Hopefully, we'll be moving to a larger home in a few months where we can have a dryer and dishwasher.    But yes, even though you can in theory have all the same conveniences that you had in the US, you have to have the money!  And you have to have a decent sized house.  
Just my thoughts on the matter, thanks
Judy from MN

These items are not as cheap as they are in the US when you take in consideration that the wages here are so much lower.

This is an interesting point.  How have other people found UK wages compared with US?

My understanding is that they ARE lower.  However, although these things vary hugely depending on the type of job you have, they are generally "within the range".  Official statistics say that UK wages AFTER adjusting for the difference in prices are about 20% lower in the UK than the US.

I can quite believe that people moving from the US to the UK earn far less, but that may be because they've had to accept jobs at slightly lower grades since their US qualifications are less readily recognised here and/or, because people have been more willing to accept whatever comes along just to keep them sane!

Working for an American company as I do, and comparing pay scales in each country where my company operates, I see that for my pay grade, the UK range is a little below the US but not overwhelmingly.  Salaries in some European countries such as Switzerland are higher than in the US and dramatically lower in Eastern Europe.

There are areas, of course, where there are significant differences, especially the medical profession, but my understanding is that these do not necessarily reflect the average.

or, because people have been more willing to accept whatever comes along just to keep them sane!

Keen observation Mountaintroll. You've gotten to know us quite well. We'll scoop ice cream if it will help us get over the initial culture shock and homesickness  

Some of the jobs I first considered when arriving here were WAY below what I earned in the States... but you're right my cabin fever was making them look quite attractive at the time.

Well, there's another bit too. I'd worked at one company for 13 years and built up my salary from lowest to almost highest. Coming here, and in effect starting it all over, no one was willing to hire me, let alone squabble about salary. There's an age prejudice anywhere in hiring practices. I would have run into the same problem in the US. Starting over, a new job? Well, even if you took a chance on me, not at the pay rate I was used to.

Working with my husband, I am able to do the things that I love. And my work is being noticed. People come to me. Funnily enough, I offer it cheap. I know prices commanded in my field are exorbitant. I just can't play into that.

I think a big contributor to the cost-of-living are the taxes. But it probably hits us individually more because we just haven't used the services that they are supposed to contribute to. (Touch wood) our health is good, we pay for dentistry and eye care, we're not retired, we haven't needed emergency services, we have a steady income, etc. When I lived in the US, sales tax in Florida ranged from 4 to 6 percent, and there was no state tax.

Knee-jerk, prices seem lower to me here because £1=$1.5 (roughly). However, if one does the sums, and buys books or goes to Hooters and notes that prices seem to be $1=£1 for ease of printing and accounting, then you realize in many cases, we're paying 1.5 times that which folks buying the same goods in the US are paying.

Lest we not forget about paying for all our phone calls here in the UK, local or not.

Ah, but the UK still pays out the most in the world in "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" and it's not taxable income!

Judy -

Where are you based at? You mentioned Swindon; are you in Wiltshire as well?

I know how hard it is when you've got a little one. I was terrified to start taking my little boy to toddler groups when I didn't know a soul. I waited way toooo long, but did finally bite the bullet. Sometimes though you can feel really alone at those places. That is, when everyone else is chatting and visiting and no one is talking to you. I've dropped out of 2 groups for this reason alone.  But if you persevere, you can find a friendly one!

   But yes, even though you can in theory have all the same conveniences that you had in the US, you have to have the money!  And you have to have a decent sized house.  
Just my thoughts on the matter, thanks
Judy from MN

Actually, you don't need a large house at all. Most people here have small to moderate sized houses and have all the appliances. It's just that once they own their house they usually get a built-in kitchen with all appliances built into the units. Or... also...people tend to use their garages for big freezers and for driers. also, like I did in one house, put the tumble drier in a toilet or bathroom or other room. You just have to think laterally! :-) .
Susan

Hello, everyone.  I am new here, although I did recognize some of the names from American expats.  You know, I was feeling the same way....when I lived with my Englishman for the summer, I never had the luxury of a shower, but he would draw my bath for me each day, and to me that was wonderful, and I felt "spoiled" just like what you were all describing about what America has, vs. what England does.  He didn't have a clothes dryer either, but we did the wash a few times a week, and just hung them up on his wooden dryer rack, and I never gave it another thought.  I know I could adjust very well, but I am very scared of missing my grown up kids, my sister, and my best friends.  

How do you all cope with that?  I liked where someone on here said to 'give yourself permission to miss the US'....that made sense.  Perhaps if I think it's "ok" and normal to miss the people in my life, then I'll be fine.....I need to accept that I am going through a huge change in my life, and these feelings will be natural.  

You see, I have always loved England, since I was a little girl, and still feel the same about it.  I don't know why, I can't explain it, but even with the conveniences of America, I still would rather be in England.  

I'll be moving there in July, and although that sounds like light-years away, it is creeping up faster than I had even imagined.  I cannot wait to be there, but can someone tell me....will I cry at first, and miss everyone so much more in the beginning?  Can someone please tell me how to get through all that....how did you all do it?  If I could talk to people that have been through what I am afraid about, maybe it will help me.  

Thank you so much, your advice is greatly appreciated.

I'm transferring from the US with my British company and was told by my director that I would be making less money becauses pay is less in the UK but I don't have the details yet.  He did tell me it wouldn't be an earth shattering difference but that it would probably be a bit lower.  This is a lateral move since I'm just relocating, not changing positions.  Even though it is less money, it's still worth it to me to join my fiance and to live in the UK!

Regarding the pay difference in US vs. UK jobs...I think it really does depend on where you'll be living.  Down here, in the London area, things are expensive (think San Francisco, NY prices) - and so, wages are higher.

Up north, (ie. Manchester, Nottingham, etc.) things tend to be cheaper.  And so, as an effect, wages are lower.  From what I've heard, they're more on par with perhaps the midwest area.  

~Christa

How do you all cope with that?  I liked where someone on here said to 'give yourself permission to miss the US'....that made sense.  Perhaps if I think it's "ok" and normal to miss the people in my life, then I'll be fine.....I need to accept that I am going through a huge change in my life, and these feelings will be natural.

Since I was a kid I always wanted to live overseas. My family ties aren't particularly strong. I've never had a really wide circle of friends. I tend toward the "loner" side of the social spectrum; my social needs seem to be weaker than most other people I know. By any reasonable standard I'm an excellent candidate to move to another country and never look back.

Five years ago I did. At the time I lived in Amsterdam, and by and large I did very well. I hugely enjoyed it. The lack of social connection mostly didn't bother me much - but sometimes it did, and now and then I'd get to feeling very bleak and alone. I can only imagine how much harder it must be for people of a more social bent. You'll have bad days. You might have a few bad weeks.

What to do about it? Create new social situations. Find ways to meet people. "Get out more." (I should practice what I preach.)

I cannot wait to be there, but can someone tell me....will I cry at first, and miss everyone so much more in the beginning?

Everybody's different, of course, but it seems to me the usual course is somewhat different: you don't cry at first and miss everyone in the beginning because you're so very wrapped up in the excitement of moving and acclimating to a foreign culture and revelling in the shock and wonder of it all. After you've been around for a while, then you start to feel the disconnection, the lack of social contact; then you cry and miss everyone.

I've known a few Americans who've moved to other countries and many of them have moved back to the US after 12-18 months. There seems to be some sort of critical point there that people reach. (I myself moved back after 15 months but I plead exception; mine was mainly for job reasons.)

I think the best thing to do is to throw yourself into your new home wholeheartedly. It's OK to miss your old home, your old friends, your favourite restaurant, decent peanut butter.. but don't pine for them. You're embarking on a great adventure. Embrace it. Go off to the Yorkshire Dales or the Cambrian Coast for a weekend. Join a bowling club or learn cricket. Learn the difference between a pelican crossing and a puffin crossing. Learn how to make a proper steamed pudding. Develop an opinion on the merits of streaky bacon vs. back bacon. Puzzle over how, exactly, they make the cream "double". Take a flutter on the greyhounds. Have some IRN-BRU (original and best!). Vote on Celebrity Big Brother. And tell your friends back in the States all about it.

Dear Wisner,
Thank you for your kind advice.  I actually do have very dear friends over there, ones who e mail me several times a week, and look forward to my arrival there.  We've already made plans, and we are very close.  I think they will help me through, and I want to take away some of that burden from my Englishman, because he has suffered through things with me, many times.  

He and I will come back to the States to visit my sister and my friends, so I think that will be a blessing, but I do worry about my kids.  Although they are grown up, I still feel such guilt in leaving them, and that upsets me, because I have lived my life for them ever since they were born.  I do love my children with all my heart, but I don't want them to be sad, just because I am going after happiness, and my heart needs to be with the man I love.  

But I loved your advice, and I thank you for that.  May I PM you?  I would hate to take up your time with my issues, but since you were so kind to address my concerns, I'd like to keep in touch.  Thank you again.

As a Londoner,  born and bred, none of the diverse opinions, emotions or attitudes, about the UK, that I've read on this thread have surpised me. We are all human, with our own needs and preferences.
I've watched this city grow, change and develop over a great many years. It's not perfect by any means, but it's my home and I love the place. At the same time, it is also home to people from all over the world. They come here for many different reasons. I welcome people from overseas, from all continents. Everyone, inc. Americans, have added to our native culture and diversified it in so many ways.
The UK is unlike any other country in the world. Moving here can be a problem for anyone.  People on this site have quite naturaly compared the UK vs the USA. Opinions vary, quite obviously. Yes, we've taken on board many aspects of American culture and as much as many of us will revel in McD's, Marlboro and Jeeps, this little overcrowded island will never be a mirror image of America.
There are comments, for and against, about the UK's smaller houses, narrow roads. Prices, wages, tax, shops, all manner of things. We have our traditions, our own way of doing things. These may appear alien and incomprehensible to some but do you really want the UK to be America in microform ?
I've been to many countries, inc the USA, Israel and many in Europe. I never expected any of them to be like the UK, but that's why I went to them. To experience the difference, coz I've got an open mind and life is a constant learning curve.
But in the end, I know full well that my heart and soul is in London.
No matter your opinion, I welcome you to our little island
Have a good Christmas everyone, where ever you are.

As a Londoner,  born and bred, none of the diverse opinions, emotions or attitudes, about the UK, that I've read on this thread have surpised me. We are all human, with our own needs and preferences.
I've watched this city grow, change and develop over a great many years. It's not perfect by any means, but it's my home and I love the place. At the same time, it is also home to people from all over the world. They come here for many different reasons. I welcome people from overseas, from all continents. Everyone, inc. Americans, have added to our native culture and diversified it in so many ways.
The UK is unlike any other country in the world. Moving here can be a problem for anyone.  People on this site have quite naturaly compared the UK vs the USA. Opinions vary, quite obviously. Yes, we've taken on board many aspects of American culture and as much as many of us will revel in McD's, Marlboro and Jeeps, this little overcrowded island will never be a mirror image of America.
There are comments, for and against, about the UK's smaller houses, narrow roads. Prices, wages, tax, shops, all manner of things. We have our traditions, our own way of doing things. These may appear alien and incomprehensible to some but do you really want the UK to be America in microform ?
I've been to many countries, inc the USA, Israel and many in Europe. I never expected any of them to be like the UK, but that's why I went to them. To experience the difference, coz I've got an open mind and life is a constant learning curve.
But in the end, I know full well that my heart and soul is in London.
No matter your opinion, I welcome you to our little island
Have a good Christmas everyone, where ever you are.

Thanks, John, that was so well written. Don't feel people on here want Britain to be a little America. They don't. They're only really expressing the things they are homesick for. Most of us are well settled here and love it! I live in Cornwall which is beautiful. I love London and would love living there (we're semi-retired so can't afford it; otherwise we would!). I think you are so fortunate to live in London, one of the most diverse, exciting and "happening" cities in the world!!!!
Merry Christmas to you too. Stay on the Forum as advice from the "horse's mouth" is often needed!!!!
Susan

Susan, I agree with you wholeheartedly!  I even PM'd him and told him that I loved your little island, and never, ever would want it to be a little "America."  I hope he stays too.  BTW, I loved your touching story about your daughter moving to Hawaii.  You give me hope.

You know, when my g/f was 18 years old, her widowed father met a woman he fell in love with.  Susan, my friend's name as well as yours, resented the woman and her father said to her....."Susan, one day, you will leave me and make a life for yourself.  I won't be alone, I won't sacrifice my happiness, just for you when you will go off and live the way you are supposed to.  She won't leave me, and we are in love.  You need to accept this, or go now."  She was stunned, but never forgot how much her Dad's words made sense now.  If only I could apply them now....

I feel such guilt!  Thank you for your words of wisdom; they help me more than you can even imagine.