Worse Than An IA

Thanks BD & everyone...It's hard watching your parents age, especially when we're so far away.

My mum always used to tell me "If anything ever happens to one of us, don't think you have to come home to take care of us" etc. But then my father had Parkinson's and my mother was developing Alzheimer's, so ...  A nasty disease because they seem to just fade away.

I am sorry to hear about your parents, Weby, and hope you get back to them in good time as you hope to do.

I did want to add something on this particular issue, that can be a difficult one for us expats.  My mom was also on a long, slow decline...from the time I was 13 years old.  (Different, longer-term, rare, progressively degenerative disease.)  But I am one of those who just couldn't move back, for my own sanity.  She was already in a nursing home & beyond meaningful verbal communication at the time I moved to the UK.  I guess maybe that makes me selfish, but I found my happiness quite hard won over a very long period of time in my life & I wasn't willing to move back to what would have been in my case, complete and utter despair.  I would have self-destructed.

I am saying this here, because I agree that if you choose to do so & it's the right choice for you & your family - it's good for people to move back to care for aged (or sick) parents in decline.  Just that it isn't always an available (or healthy) option for some of us, and it's particularly relevant right now for a fellow expat friend of mine, who is beating herself up over a similar issue.  And I *know* as much as I know anything that my mom wanted me to go on to have a happy life, even if hers was ending.  (Her life had not been a particularly happy one on balance, so it would have meant the whole world to her, had she been able to comprehend & share the knowledge that mine was by then.)  It's so hard being far from family when these things happen, and the decisions surrounding it aren't always easy or simple. 

Very sorry to hear about everyone's WTAIAs lately... UKY is getting hit hard.   

My tummy is having a hissy fit.

Literally, for the last several days, despite all my medications to prevent it, I haven't been able to keep anything down (even plain water).  DH is threatening to bring me to the hospital for nutrition support this weekend if I can't manage to keep something (anything!) in my stomach.

I know I should be eating and drinking, but it's darn hard to force yourself to eat through intractable nausea only to bring it all back up moments later.   

A gastric neurostimulator is getting more and more attractive by the day.

I am saying this here, because I agree that if you choose to do so & it's the right choice for you & your family - it's good for people to move back to care for aged (or sick) parents in decline.  Just that it isn't always an available (or healthy) option for some of us, and it's particularly relevant right now for a fellow expat friend of mine, who is beating herself up over a similar issue.  And I *know* as much as I know anything that my mom wanted me to go on to have a happy life, even if hers was ending.  (Her life had not been a particularly happy one on balance, so it would have meant the whole world to her, had she been able to comprehend & share the knowledge that mine was by then.)  It's so hard being far from family when these things happen, and the decisions surrounding it aren't always easy or simple. 

And you don't know how things will turn out -- even if you feel the "right" choice is to go home. In retrospect, I never should have done it. I have a friend (English) who would shake her head and say "it's not right". I should have listened to her. 

Very sorry to hear about everyone's WTAIAs lately... UKY is getting hit hard.   

My tummy is having a hissy fit.

Literally, for the last several days, despite all my medications to prevent it, I haven't been able to keep anything down (even plain water).  DH is threatening to bring me to the hospital for nutrition support this weekend if I can't manage to keep something (anything!) in my stomach.

I know I should be eating and drinking, but it's darn hard to force yourself to eat through intractable nausea only to bring it all back up moments later.   

A gastric neurostimulator is getting more and more attractive by the day.

This sounds awful.  Look after yourself!!!

An event that I have been dreading has occurred sooner than I expected, and I am now faced with losing a friend because I don't think I'll be able to lie to him about my true feelings on the subject. This person is very dear to me and I'm really upset because I think I'm about to lose him. 

Very sorry to hear about everyone's WTAIAs lately... UKY is getting hit hard.   

My tummy is having a hissy fit.

Literally, for the last several days, despite all my medications to prevent it, I haven't been able to keep anything down (even plain water).  DH is threatening to bring me to the hospital for nutrition support this weekend if I can't manage to keep something (anything!) in my stomach.

I know I should be eating and drinking, but it's darn hard to force yourself to eat through intractable nausea only to bring it all back up moments later.   

A gastric neurostimulator is getting more and more attractive by the day.

This sounds like pure misery. You should definitely get seen to if you can't even keep water down for more than a day. That sounds very serious.

My poor, poor DH has been in sheer agony all weekend with an inflamed nerve in his tooth. I've never felt more sorry for anyone in my life.  Hoping to get him into the dentist today, or I'll have to take the day off to drive him to the city hospital.

An event that I have been dreading has occurred sooner than I expected, and I am now faced with losing a friend because I don't think I'll be able to lie to him about my true feelings on the subject. This person is very dear to me and I'm really upset because I think I'm about to lose him. 

I hope you will be able to maintain your friendship. (((HUGS)))

I am sorry to hear about your parents, Weby, and hope you get back to them in good time as you hope to do.

I did want to add something on this particular issue, that can be a difficult one for us expats.  My mom was also on a long, slow decline...from the time I was 13 years old.  (Different, longer-term, rare, progressively degenerative disease.)  But I am one of those who just couldn't move back, for my own sanity.  She was already in a nursing home & beyond meaningful verbal communication at the time I moved to the UK.  I guess maybe that makes me selfish, but I found my happiness quite hard won over a very long period of time in my life & I wasn't willing to move back to what would have been in my case, complete and utter despair.  I would have self-destructed.

I am saying this here, because I agree that if you choose to do so & it's the right choice for you & your family - it's good for people to move back to care for aged (or sick) parents in decline.  Just that it isn't always an available (or healthy) option for some of us, and it's particularly relevant right now for a fellow expat friend of mine, who is beating herself up over a similar issue.  And I *know* as much as I know anything that my mom wanted me to go on to have a happy life, even if hers was ending.  (Her life had not been a particularly happy one on balance, so it would have meant the whole world to her, had she been able to comprehend & share the knowledge that mine was by then.)  It's so hard being far from family when these things happen, and the decisions surrounding it aren't always easy or simple. 

I hate to say that if something were to happen to my own parents, that I would not be able to move back either. It's very difficult dealing with things like this from a distance, but it seems we all have to sooner or later as a consequence of living somewhere else.

This sounds like pure misery. You should definitely get seen to if you can't even keep water down for more than a day. That sounds very serious.

You'd think so.  When I was ill a few years ago and called NHS direct first they told me 48 hours and when I called back at 50 hours they told me they didn't do anything unless you couldn't keep liquids down for 72 hours.   

Yeah, because that is totally healthy.  I was planning on going to the ER, but it is so far away I would have needed an ambulance, we didn't have a car, and luckily I started to hold down stuff at the 55 hour mark.

Yuck. 

Wow seems alot has been going on...
WebyJ - you will be home soon ;-)
Jewlz - I hope DH gets it fixed quick! Tooth pain is the worse 
Everyone else I hope you are still not ill and feeling better.

Mine is slightly crazy and will become a ramble - forgive me in advance.

My beloved FIL was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 3 years ago - had surgery then immediately had 2 heart attacks and caught ammonia.
He has been on hormone shots for all this time and when before the did the above surgery they saw he had secondary cancer in his bones.  I have never heard of 2ndary cancer from a prostate in your bones.
He has been in pain since maybe October? His primary GP just gave him liquid morphine and he was guzzling this and sleeping 2 full days at a time.
New years eve after a few drinks we went to his place 1230 at night (he is always a night owl) and I asked point blank if he wanted to know what was going on..he said yes let the loud american handle the doctor.
Bam got an appt and this nurse was fabulous...His PSE levels were up (13 I believe) and he had an MRI and Bone Scan.  He has had pain in his hips and legs which the MRI showed a tumor growing at the base of his spine and is pushing on the nerve which explains the pain.
The bone cancer is in his pelvic, ribs, hips and chest bone...hormone pills are now being taking for this.
We saw an oncologist yesterday (Monday) who was super nice and knowledgeable and said he needed radiation on the tumor for 5 days (treatments) got the call today he starts tomorrow. So by next Tuesday the radiation should be done and he will stay on hormone pills and steroids.
The McMillan nurse jaw dropped when he told her what he was taking - codeine and morphine (bad combo) and quickly switched him to pills no more liquid.
After this treatment he should wean himself off the 2/2 morphine pills in a 3 week period.
My MIL was with us at the doctor and of course she heard he should wean himself off the steroids but he only takes that 2X a day.
Its like a battle to keep it all straight but at least my FIL is letting me get him a plastic container thing to hold the pills so he knows WHEN and IF he took something.
The steroids are already helping since he is not in pain but the radiation makes me nervous since he lives alone but my MIL goes over and I am a phone call away.

wow that was a rant but I just worry since my FIL does NOT like being told what to do EVER he actually told the McMillan nurses not to come back after they treated him like a child. Its their job.

I can only hope this all goes well and he is such a joker/trooper
He says if this has a bad outcome he is gonna live it up and start smoking again b/c he misses it and he will drink and sleep all he wants.
Can't fault him there - I say live it up while you can and he laughs and says Yep!

Thanks for letting me ramble - just scary when I dont know anything about all this!

Oh that all brings back bad memories, CW.  We found the MacMillan nurses were wonderful -- also the Marie Curie ones. It was the district nurse who was a pain in the butt.
Morphine can have really scary effects so best to at least cut it down if possible.
I am so sorry to hear that he is going through this. And sorry for you and the family. It's a tough time.

The McMillan nurse jaw dropped when he told her what he was taking - codeine and morphine (bad combo) and quickly switched him to pills no more liquid.

I'd get a second opinion on this from the oncologist - when I had meningitis after my bone marrow transplant, a combination of liquid morphine and codeine was the only thing that even touched the pain. I was given this at the hospital under close supervision and it was not a problem AT ALL. If it's helping his pain where nothing else will, he should be allowed to have it (and frankly, I don't think very much of Macmillan as a whole anyway, but that's for another day...).

I'm sorry to hear that you're the one to step up and take charge and deal with everything, but I'm sure your FIL knows how lucky he is to have you in his corner.

Thanks guys...sp he is on other heart medication too thats why he cant mix all those things...

I felt quite special as my FIL called me to tell me he was going in tomorrow.
He calls NO ONE - EVER... DH says he can remember FIL calling 1 time in the past year and he called me ;-)

I said I would pop by this weekend and maybe bring him food to make sure he is eating and check on him. Reply: you are lovely pet and see you then

Just glad we are getting somewhere

CW, what a situation. Your FIL is lucky to have you and I'm glad you're looking out for him. Fingers crossed everything will get better and good thoughts with your family!

Thanks guys...sp he is on other heart medication too thats why he cant mix all those things...

I felt quite special as my FIL called me to tell me he was going in tomorrow.
He calls NO ONE - EVER... DH says he can remember FIL calling 1 time in the past year and he called me ;-)

I said I would pop by this weekend and maybe bring him food to make sure he is eating and check on him. Reply: you are lovely pet and see you then

Just glad we are getting somewhere

I've just seen this. I hope you FIL feels better soon, and he is lucky to have such a bossy, loving daughter in law to look after him. 

A Manx2 plane has crashed in Cork...several people have died... hope none of the pilots we know was flying it...or that anyone that we know was on board.