The official UKY inlaw venting thread

I thought mine were OK, and I carefully bought a house an hour away from them.. but it's apparently time for me to understand and accept the mixture of Buddhism/Confucianism/Shinto/plain insanity that passes for 'common sense and knowledge' in Japan.  I am expected to sell the house and move in with them, and quickly become fluent in Japanese, so I can 'take care of them'.  And stop working pronto, as that's 'not my job'.

OK, brick wall, meet brick wall.  None of that stuff is going to happen.  Honestly, they don't want me trying to take care of them when they get ill.  I'd get deathly sick faster than them, anyhow.. their crappy old vinyl-sided house isn't just damp, it's wet.  And mouldy.  And reeking of mothballs.  Their kitchen is an obvious fire hazard.. one whole wall is made of tinfoil.  And the bugs, holy cow.  They have a serious centipede problem, and those things are: huge, poisonous, and I react rather badly to the bites.

And of course this pressure starts when DH is already a basket case.  So, great, the inlaws could see there was a problem.  And the problem is me.  They took him to a monk last weekend, where he had a nice talking-to about duty to family, and the responsibilities of the first son.

Of course, all this stuff is framed as 'my unwillingness to form a closer relationship'. 

I'm starting to frame it as 'you are all nuts, and I will divorce your lame-ass son and take the house if this continues'.

This sort of puts my in-law problems in perspective.  I think I definitely have reason to gripe (as probably many people who live with their inlaws do), but this sort of eclipses mine a bit.  Good luck with trying to work this out.

Thinking of all of you and hoping today passes without an issue.  My in-laws are ok, but neither of my grandparents would even talk to the spouse.  They would hang up the phone if the wrong person answered. 

I think karma decided I had enough with that in my childhood, thank God. 

While my in-law probs aren't as extreme as some of you poor souls here... I do despise my in-laws.  Both FIL and MIL were trying to talk my 85 y.o. Grandma-in-law from flying over to visit DH and me in May.  How can you be that evil?

They're miserable, close-minded people uninterested in anything beyond their established experience.  Thank GOD they're 5000+ miles away and uninterested in visiting us (they were here once to visit DH before I moved here; someone in heaven loved me for that blessing, as DH said they were miserable the whole time)

My sister and her new husband wouldn't tell anyone where they were going on their honeymoon, because, apparently, there was a good chance that some of his family might show up to join them!

After I heard that, I told my mother I was going to go home and send my in-laws a card saying how thankful I am for them. They make me crazy sometimes, but mostly through sheer cluelessness/thoughtlessness. Like my FIL assuming that since he was performing our wedding ceremony, he would also be doing our premarital counseling. To this day, I'm not sure he gets why I had a problem with that.

mine suck totally and completely.  I've been in the UK 4 years have seen MIL once accidentally- she didn't know I was home and FIL a handful of times when he came over to help w/ some DIY. They have never and do not ever want to meet my daughter(their one and only grandchild-hubs is an only child).  They suck!! When I think of my parents back in MA who love my daughter and are so sad they can't see her more often and then I think of them... well lets just say I think some very very mean and nasty things.

edited to add:
bastards!!

Wow, Lindy, that is just awful.  I honestly don't understand how people can be like that!

Wow, Lindy, that is just awful.  I honestly don't understand how people can be like that!

Me neither.  How can you rationalize actions like that?!

My ILs are crazy but not in a mean way.  Just in a 'living in a fantasy world' kind of way.  My MIL is immature as well...she gets very upset when things don't go the way SHE wants them to.  Also they don't keep up their house at all.  We are probably going for a visit this summer and I am putting my foot down and we are staying in a hotel, even though my MIL has already said their 'guest room' is ready for us.   

I can't decide if my future MIL likes me or not.

Last year on my birthday I didn't get a card/text/email or anything. I had carefully sent them cards/gifts on their (FMIL and FSIL) birthdays. However, BF's grandfather had died about a week before, so I decided to just let it go/not be upset. I didn't do anything for their birthdays this year.

For Christmas I got a visa gift card. Not to any particular store. Just a giftcard that said visa. Not very personal, but it was nice, I could use it. I was happy and excited to get it. Turns on BF's mom realized at the last second that she didn't have a gift for me. She had originally given BF the giftcard and took it from him to give to me. She told him she was going to get him another one, but never did.   

BF's mom and her now husband (who is a total jerk) got married on BF's birthday last year. However, they were planning on not telling BF until after the fact. The night before, he heard the news from someone else and called and asked his mom what was going on. She knew he didn't like the guy she is marrying and "was eventually going to tell him" There are 365 days in the year and they HAD to get married on BF's birthday?!?!? 

I am allergic to smoke. I have asthma. Being around people smoking, even if I use my inhaler, makes me sick. BF's mom's husband smokes non stop. When they "come to visit BF" they are really going to casinos about an hour away. I went once and was sick for days after. I refuse to go again. I can't go visit at their house because he smokes in the house. BF's mom takes it personally as in I don't want to get to know them/spend time. Her husband thinks asthma is made up/all in my head. She has back pain and doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything else.

I have made it very clear to BF that any future children will NOT be around the smoke. He agrees, but I can see drama in my future.

The last two times BF's mom "came to visit" at the casinos, she spent less than an hour with BF, then went up to her room to sleep. This was after BF drove an hour to spend time with her. He claims he's not going next time they come, but we'll see.

My inlaws are a mixed bag. They do mean well, but my FIL is the most high-maintenance, sensitive, selfish person EVER (in a quiet, sulky way). MIL is a martyr to everyone else's needs but her own. My biggest complaint about them ultimately, though, is the much higher standards they hold my DH to than their 2 other sons. Those 2 get away with murder but DH can't do *anything* without some sort of commentary. It's really messed with his self-confidence.

Still, compared to many of you, that's nothing. Hugs to those of you with the truly awful ones.

My IL's are ok, for the most part, FIL is OCD about cleaning and it doesn't matter if we fly 4000 miles to see them, it is Sunday and that is the day that he cleans.  We have a 2 year old son, who is a typical 2 year old.  He wants to run, scream, and destroy.  That is what they like to do.  My FIL works from home as a solicitor and has all his paperwork downstairs in the dining room.  They live in a Small cramped over cluttered house that they have lived in for 35 years and it looks it.  Finn (the 2 year old) wants to explore and all he hears is NO NO NO NO don't touch that, don't touch this. 
It isn't like we don't give them notice. We tell them anything within reach he is going to grab.  I should note here that my DW's in laws are just as bad, just to show I am not playing favorites.  I am sure that she could write a couple of real Good ones about them.   
Now I have to admit this is not nearly as bad as a couple of the posts that I have seen, Just needed to Vent a little

To all of you with in-law problems can I just say how sorry I am.   My in-laws are nothing like as bad as some of the people on this thread.  Nonetheless, we've had our moments.  Most stem from my varied inadequacies as a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, and non-English person.

Hmmm.... well, one thing that sometimes annoys me about the in-laws is that they live across the street, but considering they lived there first, I guess this makes the situation our fault. 
My MIL often sides with baby's mama (who is clearly psychotic) instead of my DH, which has been a real issue at times. 

Okay - I thought of a gripe!  My in-laws are exceptionally clean & tidy, they even iron underpants & dish towels!  Their house is like a freaking museum - free of dust, all their various accumulated objects from their travels, nothing out of its place.

Compared to them, we are so cluttered & dirty at our house.  I am so inadequate!    (but that's me putting that on myself, not them...still couldn't they try to be just a little more untidy & disorganised to make me feel better?!)

When I first arrived in the UK as a visitor in 2007 my (then F)MIL was wonderful to me. I think she was trying to convince me to stay and marry her son. When we told her we were getting married and having a baby she was even more wonderful to me.

When we got back from the states after getting married & my spousal visa she was extremely wonderful to me.

When we brought our daughter home from the hospital she came to visit a couple of days later and proceeded to tell DH everything I was doing wrong while I was sitting there. Like I wasn't even in the room and completely invisible. Things have just gone downhill since then.

She makes rude comments about Americans and thinks that it's OK because I chose to live here instead of the US that I agree with her. I've learned to just bite my tongue. There is too much to mention and I've really tried to just let go of all of it but it just seems that ever since we had our daughter I've just become sh*t in her eyes. She finally has her grandchild and doesn't give a ratsa$$ about the rest of us. She also ignores me & DD when we happen to cross paths in public. She's done it to me 4 times now since Christmas. Oh well...only 18 months until we start the visa process for DH so we can move back to California where we have family that love us.

Okay - I thought of a gripe!  My in-laws are exceptionally clean & tidy, they even iron underpants & dish towels!  Their house is like a freaking museum - free of dust, all their various accumulated objects from their travels, nothing out of its place.

Compared to them, we are so cluttered & dirty at our house.  I am so inadequate!    (but that's me putting that on myself, not them...still couldn't they try to be just a little more untidy & disorganised to make me feel better?!)

I have my mother for this.  "juuuuuuulie (in John Wayne-style accent) I taught you better than this."  (Hehe, sorry to hijack the thread for a minute.) Truth is, my own mother is far worse most of the time than MIL could ever be. At least MIL doesn't quote the Bible to me all the time! 

When we brought our daughter home from the hospital she came to visit a couple of days later and proceeded to tell DH everything I was doing wrong while I was sitting there. Like I wasn't even in the room and completely invisible. Things have just gone downhill since then.

I feel for you on this one.  This goes under what My Wife feels for her In-laws, My Mother sent an Aunt over to our house to see our new born. (to SPY on us) When she left I got a call 20 minutes later telling me that she thinks the baby is too thin and that My DW needs to put the Baby on Formula, and get it to the doctor.  He was absolutely normal and well within the correct weight ranges. Just not a fat child like so many are around here in Iowa.  The average baby weighs over 8 lbs when born here.  Well needless to say, the relationship has been anything but strained for the last 2 years.