Going on monday and worried about my mother

I did not get my passport back as of yet, and they will not hand it over, unless I travel there next time with a family member. If I do go with the plan of studying in the UK, I do hope that they will hand the passport over to me.

I did not get my passport back as of yet, and they will not hand it over, unless I travel there next time with a family member. If I do go with the plan of studying in the UK, I do hope that they will hand the passport over to me.

But it's YOUR passport. They can't take it or keep it. Do you not understand that they've broken the law by doing that?? Also, you're under no obligation to travel with a family member. To say you "hope" they'll return your passport isn't going to make it happen, I'm afraid.

chary is correct. Your passport is actually the property of the US Government so I'm pretty sure that would make it a federal offence to confiscate it.  Plus, you can't let your family control you like that! Is there some cultural factor here that is making it difficult for you to go against their wishes?

For goodness sake!  All this fuss over a wee holiday?!   

Info from US Dept of State for reporting & replacing lost or stolen US passports (while in the US):

http://travel.state.gov/passport/lost/us/us_848.html

Since the form asks you:  How, where and on what date did the loss or theft take place?  If lost, what efforts were made to recover the passport? (as well as any additional information that you can provide to be attached if there is not enough space)

You would probably want to make a (police?) report to the appropriate authorities.  The link provided lists a toll free telephone number for reporting your passport lost or stolen, so they might be able to give you some advice along those lines.

Someone taking your passport is a crime!

There is a difference between being reasonably concerned for a family member, and breaking the law because of that concern.

Please protect yourself & your passport.  All the best.

Ahhhh, well I'm sorry to see this has happened to you. Obviously the whole family decided what was best and guilt tripped you along with it. It's a shame.

And sorry for bringing this up but what makes you think your family would allow you to study in the UK for months if they prevented you from going over for a few weeks? The reason why I am saying this is because it appears they prefer to have a tight grip on you and you have allowed it to remain. Honestly good luck in whatever you do because you are going to have to make some tough decisions later on.

Phantomrose, you're sounding quite wishy-washy over this whole passport thing.  We've told you over and over that they are not allowed to hold onto your passport and it is a CRIME for them to do so, seeing how you are a legal adult, and you really don't' seem to want to take the steps to recover it.  Yes, it's probably not very nice to report your own parents to the police for stealing something, but in the end - they wanted to report *you* to the police for leaving!  You might even get your passport back if you just threaten to report it. Tell them that you are an adult and if they do not return your property you will be forced to contact proper authorities over it.  If you stand your ground, you might get it back without having to call the police.

If you can't stand up to your parents now, what makes you think you'll be able to in a yaer when you want to apply to study abroad?

I'm pretty sure she understands by now people! (I would hope so anyway) I don't think it's helpful to nag her about it. She knows what the options are now and when she is ready to stand up to her parents (be it call the police or replace the passport) she will. I think she should really take it easy if you ask me. None of us know what her parents are like in the home. She may be scared and for good reason. If they were willing to do all the awful things they have already done who is to say they wont go further. I know we are all a little concerned for her but in her own time she will realize what needs to be done. Good luck Phantomrose! 

I feel something needs to be said and no one in the 7 pages of this thread has said it:  Don't burn your bridges with a family that obviously cares about you.

Are their actions out of line?  Extreme, maybe. But I can see that what they are doing is only because they fear they will lose you.  Is your mother normally like this? what is your relationship like with your mom besides this?

Everyone is encouraging to cut ties, move out, etc and while you DO need to establish yourself as an adult, not one person has said anything to the effect of being careful to not destroy your relationship with your mom.... because she is your mom, at the end of the day.

The reason I say this is because in all likelihood your relationship will be fine  and you two will be happy together and your mom will grow to accept this in time. But look at the other eventuality: if you burn your bridges with your family and then this guy whom you havent even met yet turns out to not be what he says he is, or the relationship doesnt work... who will support you in the aftermath?  Who will be there the love you unconditionally?  Im not saying this will happen, I'm just sayig you need to weigh up your options and tread carefully.

Most of us are lucky, we never had this problem.  However, I know in my heart I would've never sacrificed my relationship with my parents for a man I hadnt met.  Never. 

I think as you suggested, him coming to the US first is the best idea.  You will be able to be in a safe environment which will put your mom at ease and even give her the ability to meet him in person.

For goodness sake!  All this fuss over a wee holiday?!   

Well, it's a little more than that. 3 weeks to visit someone you've never met before at age 19 is different. 19 iis still young. If she still lives at home, then they do have some say in what she does. If she wants complete autonomy, she needs to move out. I agree that she should get her passport back and have been allowed to travel, but her parents are worried- perhaps going over the top having seen one too many CSIs or 20/20 special reports, though.

I'm pretty sure she understands by now people! (I would hope so anyway) I don't think it's helpful to nag her about it. She knows what the options are now and when she is ready to stand up to her parents (be it call the police or replace the passport) she will. I think she should really take it easy if you ask me. ...

This!!! 

ETA- and also what Navie said! While my parents let me travel on my own at age 19, mostly I was on exchange programs or staying with people they had met (former exchange students in our house). I would never have been allowed to just fly off to meet a strange man.

I feel something needs to be said and no one in the 7 pages of this thread has said it:  Don't burn your bridges with a family that obviously cares about you.

Controlling should not be confused with caring.  Neither of us know her family but what you see as a big ball of love, I see as being a bit crazy.

if you burn your bridges with your family and then this guy whom you havent even met yet turns out to not be what he says he is, or the relationship doesnt work... who will support you in the aftermath?

This isn't about the family versus the guy.   This is about the family versus the freedom to live her life as an adult.

Plus regardless of the family, the guy, etc etc...someone has taken her passport.  Her passport!  Anyone - doesn't matter who - taking someone's passport (an adult of legal age's passport) is just not on.  Agree the OP needs to get stuff sorted out with all parties concerned, but the passport theft needs to be addressed - that's a big deal, IMO.

Also, standing up for yourself and making your own decisions (even if you make the wrong one--that's how we learn) doesn't mean burning bridges with your family.  Moving out, establishing yourself as an individual is part of growing up.  If you assure your parents you still love them but this what you need to do, it's not burning bridges.  If your parents feel it is, then so be it, you've done your best and eventually they may come around.

Controlling should not be confused with caring.  Neither of us know her family but what you see as a big ball of love, I see as being a bit crazy.

Very true, which is why I would encourage her to take a good look at her relationship with her mother.  Only she can make the judgement call.  IMHO, I just think it's something to also consider.


Mrs. R... yes, the passport is another story.