Going on monday and worried about my mother

I'm just gobsmacked about this whole situation.  

I'd personally be terrified of thinking about my 19 year old daughter going to another country to meet someone from the web.  (Hell, I was personlly just nervous about myself meeting people off the web in the local starbucks!)  
However, I would know the apron strings need to be cut and I would just make sure that she's got the best tools to make it as safe as possible- i.e. credit cards she can use, calling card/phone that worked internationally, a hotel room booked, making sure they meet in a public place, paying for a friend to go in tow with her if possible.

But to be controlling and manipulative and calling the police, etc, etc, that's appalling.  

Phantomrose90, definitely check into your study abroad and BUNAC options, as these offer good ways to have you come here, spend time with your BF, and well if its study abroad its a "safe" way to do it, because you have the support system of the University.  

At 19, I was hopping around the USA, but had I chosen oversees, my parents would have had no qualms about me heading oversees to backpack, etc. They'd be nervous, but would know they have to let me go. Then again, my mom was hitch hiking around at 19 years old , living the hippie lifestyle, so...

Good luck. Your mom sounds like a real piece of work.  

This was at JFK airport in New York. I was going to travel to Heathrow airport.

I find it hard to believe that the staff at JFK would allow your uncle - even with a police officer - to get into the departure area. They would have to have valid reasons, and they didn't. You can't barge into an airport and stop someone from getting on a plane.

Now *you* have grounds to call the police.  Yes, they are your parents, but you are an adult so they cannot just take your stuff.

Yes, I'd call the cops and tell them my family stole my passport. You aren't a minor, so you have rights to your personal documents. The only ones making the situation dramatic enough to upset your grandmother is your family. I am sure them acting all crazy and concerned is what is making her feel that way. I would go totally batsh*t crazy on them and threaten to never speak to them again if they didn't let up. But, I'm pretty willfull when I want something badly enough.

You really need to get this sorted out, honey. I hate to say this, but if I were your boyfriend, I might not put up with this sort of thing for long before deciding that I didn't want to date someone who was being controlled by her family when she is an adult. You really have to do something about this, you aren't a child anymore. If you just sit back and let it happen, then who knows how long this would go on. I certainly don't like confrontation, either, but you can't be a doormat your whole life. Before you know it, they might arrange a freakin' marriage for you or something!  

I find it hard to believe that the staff at JFK would allow your uncle - even with a police officer - to get into the departure area. They would have to have valid reasons, and they didn't. You can't barge into an airport and stop someone from getting on a plane.

Obviously they figured out some way around this, or lied about their intentions.

Obviously they figured out some way around this, or lied about their intentions.

...or there is something fishy about this story...

Unfortunateley, if Phantomrose's parents are paying for or even just contributing towards her college tuition, they may feel justified in stopping  a year abroad at university.

According to the BUNAC Intern in Britain website, the internship can be paid or unpaid. If it is unpaid, then you need $2,500 in maintenance funds, but if it is paid, you only need $1,500 (from the Eligibility and Costs section). In fact, it seems that paid internships are the norm and unpaid internships are only offered under certain circumstances (from The Internship section).

Whoops! Sorry, I knew it had changed from being able to just work.  The last time I looked on the BUNAC site it was a watch this space for information about our new internship program. 

...or there is something fishy about this story...

That crossed my mind because of the sheer drama of it all, but I quickly put that thought out of my head because it would really stink if Phantomrose was not being thruthful with us since we've all invested ourselves emotionally in her welfare.

Can't imagine how difficult a week it has been for Phantomrose and her boyfriend, I know it has to be hard to be on such a high to see one another and then it seems to just not happen. Is he young and living at home as well? Hopefully in the end it all works out, not sure if you see this event as the catalysis of wanting to move out and get some distance from your Mom. Good luck dear

He's twenty five and living at home alone now. His grandfather recently died.

I know you don't have to believe this if you do not want to, but what I am saying is true and really happened. My family did pay for part of my courses, and I paid the other half. Next semester, I plan on paying for my courses myself. I'll just have to go to the community college part time.

I was looking at the BUNAC program and am very interested in it; thank you for the link.

Best of luck to you Phantomrose.

I was lucky enough to have a mom who let me go and express my independance. Which has really served me well. I know she may have been freaked out by a few things I did from 18-25, but she just let me get on with it.

Hope it all turns out for you

Lisa

Phantomrose, I can't imagine what they could have said to you to get you to leave the airport with them!

Why didn't you just refuse to leave?!

genau- I felt scared because the police officer was there and guilty because my uncle told me that because I did this, I almost put my spanish grandmother in the hospital.

Things are a bit better now; I have been talking to my boyfriend and are currently planning for him to come to the States. After that, I plan to live in the UK under some type of visa (I have been mainly looking at the student and/or work visa, and the requirements.)

Things are a bit better now; I have been talking to my boyfriend and are currently planning for him to come to the States. After that, I plan to live in the UK under some type of visa (I have been mainly looking at the student and/or work visa, and the requirements.)

Glad things are starting to work out .

In terms of visas, I think your best bet at the moment would be to look into student visas or the BUNAC Intern scheme rather than a work visa, simply because student visas are basically the easiest to get (providing you have the funds required for one) and work visas are the most difficult to get.

There are two different work visas: Tier 1 (highly skilled) and Tier 2 (sponsored worker). Tier 1 requires a minimum of a masters degree and pretty high earnings (likely a minimum of $37,000 earned in the 12 months before applying) and Tier 2 requires that you either work in an area that is in shortage in the UK (i.e. scientist, doctor, math/science teacher, engineer) or you work in such a specialised area that they can't find anyone in the UK or the EU that are capable of doing the job, so they have to hire someone (i.e. you) from overseas (there are 500 million people living in the EU, so it would have to be a pretty specialised job not to find someone suitable for it out of all those people).

As you are only 19 right now, it's likely to be several more years before you could qualify for a work visa (to meet the qualifications/experience/earnings needed to get one), but you could technically apply for a student visa at any time, providing you were accepted to a UK school and had enough money for tuition fees and living costs.

Have you got your passport back? Will they give it back if they know you're applying for a visa?

I have a 19-year-old daughter.  Because she is an adult, I cannot prohibit her from traveling, even if I don't approve of her plans.  She did consider an in-person meeting, in another state, with a guy she met online.  I didn't like it, but there was nothing I could legally do to stop her.  I will admit to being relieved when the relationship was over before they met in real life.  

I also have a hard time believing that a police officer would get involved in such a situation, unless they were told quite a tale.  I'm no expert, but wouldn't this be an abuse of the officer's authority?  Where I live, the police wouldn't get involved in such a situation.  They would tell the parent, "She's an adult, and it's none of our business."  I wonder if a complaint could be filed on the officer.

The passport is stolen.  Was it handed over freely?  Was physical restraint, a weapon or threats of harm used by the person who took the passport?  Criminal charges are possible here, the seriousness of which would be determined by the nature of the theft.

I've never had a passport stolen, but could Phantomrose report it stolen to the issuing authority and get a new one sent to another address?  Maybe someone who has had the experience, or worked issuing passports could answer this.  If the original is returned, or a new one is issued, I'd keep it outside of that house.  Maybe a bank safe-deposit box would be a good place for it.

As someone else said earlier in this thread, have another place to live lined up if you do take the trip.  It sounds like returning to your current residence may not be possible if you do take the trip.  I will also echo the sentiments of others who said you need to get out of this environment as soon as possible.  

If your Spanish grandmother ends up in the hospital over your taking a trip, that is not your fault.  We can't always control what happens to or around us, but we can (to a large extent) choose how to cope with it.  If she chooses to handle things in a matter that endangers her health, that is not your fault, nor should you consider it your problem.