Just have vent-moving here has changed everything I thought about America!

@eatoomey you are right, i should be more specific that i mean england, and more specifically london, in my thread. in fact, i had someone from scotland telling me they felt the move was tough too and found people to be cold.

and for the record, i have been back to the states since. yes, i was reminded of problems but i did feel that i missed it. it was good to be back thought. i just felt more at ease and it was good to feel like i could really talk to people...and the food was better, hehe

and for the record, i have been back to the states since. yes, i was reminded of problems but i did feel that i missed it. it was good to be back thought. i just felt more at ease and it was good to feel like i could really talk to people...and the food was better, hehe

I'd move back there in a minute, you get more for your money. We have to remain where we are for now, due to my mother-in-law being up in age and needing her son. But, even my British husband wants to be in the USA again. He loved it there in my town. He used to fly there 3 times a year while we were courting and stay for weeks. He misses the food and the friendly people. But one thing I would really miss about the UK is the safety. I can walk outside at night, not worry about guns or my house being burglarized.  As for the healthcare here, I know most of it is free, but I've had horrible experiences with it (am on my 6th GP due to their lack of knowledge), even had one surgery in my area written up in the news for how bad it is. Husband won't even go to the doc here now, nor his mum, due to the poor service. I had excellent docs in the USA. But I hear the NHS is good if you have cancer or something serious.

I think this is a good case of Your Mileage May Vary.  I can certainly see how OP would find the UK a bit challenging.  I definitely second (or third) those who have recommended looking further afield.  I couldn't live in London regardless of the fact that I love visiting it.  And I see many of the same problems in the UK that I see in the US.  Coming from a mixed-race family, I have witnessed much more socially tolerated racism in the UK than I have in the US.  I find the recent atmosphere to be extremely xenophobic which, as an immigrant, worries me.  Don't even get me started on the cost of living.  My husband and I pay more more in rent for a small apartment than my parents' mortage for a 5 bedroom house with 30 acres of land in the US!  I will never hate the NHS because, as many have pointed out, I never have to worry about medical care but I don't have the same level of comfort and trust as I did in the US.  To some, this isn't a big deal.  Fortunately I have not had to deal with the sexism described in this thread, though I am aware that it does exist.  I love that my new job really doesn't care whether or not I happen to be English. 

I happen to love the UK and am quite enjoying the UK.  However, it's not for everyone.  I will admit that I am frequently homesick to the point that my husband has a standing agreement that relocating to the US is never out of the big picture (even if it never comes to fruition).  Lalala75, I really do encourage you to explore more and consider relocating if you have to/choose to stay in the UK.  Not everywhere is like London.  Best of luck!

I hate pretty much all the same things about London that OP hates, and I'm also from California. Not a big surprise that people from CA may not adjust well to cold, gloomy, reserved, depressive London and Londoners. I think living outside London may well be different and better, but not  better than the U.S. So I am moving back in 2016 and spend the entire winter in CA. I've been back in CA for about 3 months and it's simply amazing in contrast to the UK. People are so friendly. Customer service from everything to contractors to the gym is so fast, polite, etc. The landscape driving on the 101 is actually prettier than what I saw in Ireland, too! So OP, just know you are not alone and don't need to argue with people who love the UK. I've learned that people will not see eye to eye just because one tells the other why one hates it and one loves it. But the people who stay in the UK will tend to be ones who like it a lot. My hunch is that a lot more Americans move back home, and they don't stick around on these types of forums. OP, it is actually good advice when people say that maybe you should just move back home.

OP, it is actually good advice when people say that maybe you should just move back home.

Agreed.
If it's at all possible, just go.
No one should have to live in a place they feel so negatively about.

@ShakeShack nice to see another californian it is pretty hard to beat california and once thing i'm kicking myself about is not knowing how good i had it. i had lived nowhere else but the south (tho had traveled a lot) and had nothing to compare it to. but when i went back to visit, i thought "what was i thinking leaving???"

@Albatross i want to move but of course, there are other factors that make that really difficult. my DH has just gotten his dream job and i would not be able to live with myself if i asked him to leave (right now.) also, i have two cats who i really dont want to put on plane again because they are getting old (sounds silly but its something that stops me.) another huge factor of course is money.

and for all my negativity, i dont want to be one of those people who spends a year somewhere and gives up. i have been trying to give this place a chance and put myself out there. and it has gotten a bit better, just i know i could be so much happier in california.

but i think in time, yes, i will try to move back.

just have to fit in another small vent last weekend i saw the in-laws. they were talking about how they dont like swearing and even cant watch tv or movies with swearing. i felt so suffocated i had to step outside. its so uptight and conservative i feel like i'm going to go insane. but then of course, MIL had to make snide comments about me and my family. so no swearing but its ok to be completely rude right?

(but i  know this is probably my own circumstance.)

You know, it's funny about people and places. I lived in Southern California for two years, and even though there were things I loved about it, I wouldn't go back. The sunshine is oppressive and you have to drive EVERYWHERE. If you walk anywhere, people act like you're insane. When my co-workers learned I walked to work, the assumed it was because I'd lost my licence due to DUIs. Which says a lot more about them than about me, but annoyed me immensely. And people were incredibly phony, acting like they were your best friend then dropping you the next day and not looking back. So from my perspective, it's really not hard at all to beat California . All part of life's rich tapestry.

Side note: it does seem that the people who have the most difficulty adjusting are the ones who have only ever lived one place before. It may not only be the UK you're struggling with, but a new place in general. If you had moved to New York instead of London, I wonder if you wouldn't be having a lot of the same issues.

@historyenne i get what you mean about people being flaky, that annoyed me immensely and one reason i wanted to move. but as i said in another post, i've changed my mind about it. the reason being, was ok, my some of my friends, it wasnt the deepest friendship, but i still had a good time, and maybe in that short time, people opened up and were more fun in that short time than people here who NEVER make the effort to get to know you at all. i'd take that short moment of fun than constant isolation and loneliness. and i'm not sure UK friendships are all as deep as i thought. i feel sorry for my DH as some of his "lifelong friends" wont even make the effort to see him or compete with him. and i know PLENTY of fakes and phony people here too. My MIL is one of them. don't get me wrong, there are plenty of jerks in CA and i've had my feelings hurt a lot. but i also found a really good group of friends that i should have held on to and never left. that still hurts leaving them. one thing i've noticed too it's only been other immigrants that have reached out to me and been friendly.

also, every one i know that had moved away from LA always came back. i have a friend who absolutely loathed LA and recently moved to NYC. and guess what, now he has the same feelings i do. of course CA cant be for everyone, but it sure does offer a lot. And not many other places are able to have all these things in one place. Beach, hiking, desert, skiing, wine tasting, top notch food, variety of cuisines, great industries to work, and the weather permits a lot of opportunity to do things you cant do here solely because the weather is bad most of the time. that's what i loved about it, it truly did feel as if there was never ending opportunity. if you didnt like something, there was always something else to try. i felt like i had lived maybe four different lives in LA.

Well, if everyone wanted to live in the same places, there wouldn't be any room. I don't think there's anything wrong with you not liking the UK, just as there's nothing wrong with me liking it, and preferring it to California. The only thing I would say is that if you're going to be here a while, it's not a good idea to dwell on what you've left behind. Find something in the UK you can like and focus on that, or you're going to be miserable. Maybe a better job with a shorter commute, or a club or book group or something, where you could meet nicer people who share your interests? Gardening? Amateur theatre? Just anything that might make you feel more positive about your life here would do.

@historyenne yeah, i know a lot of people prefer the UK and i admit there are many reasons to prefer it but i'm just ranting on my own issues with it. for my own piece of mind as i have no one really to talk to. but there are good reasons to live here that the US will never have.

i have changed jobs, joined meetups, arranged projects involved others. it has helped but its been a very slow process.

@ShakeShack nice to see another californian it is pretty hard to beat california and once thing i'm kicking myself about is not knowing how good i had it.

I never mentioned it, but I'm from California too.
I'm not a fan of it...at all... and have no intention of ever going back, not even for a visit.  Different strokes, right?

Hope you can find a way to make things work for you. 

LaLaLa75, you may want to check out a Facebook group called Expat American Women Stuck in the UK. You can moan and b*tch there without being judged or criticized. It's been a godsend for a lot of people. You can private message me if you need an introduction to it.

@ShakeShack haha, awesome! will do, thanks

@Lalala75 I just wanted to chime in to say that I totally feel you on this and can commiserate. Also, as someone in a similar situation, where moving back to the US isn't the most feasible option at the moment, it doesn't seem very constructive or fair to suggest you that you should just say screw it and leave the UK, or go find some hobbies, as if those things hadn't registered already.  

I am from LA too and have been living in England for almost 4 years now. There isn't a day that passes that I don't wonder if I could be living a better life (for me) back in California. I'd lived in other places, including Massachusetts and Scotland long before moving here with a view to stay indefinitely, so leaving the people and places I loved wasn't exactly foreign or even unwelcome. There are plenty of things I like about the UK and even prefer to the US, but I've also experienced and felt all the same things you mentioned in your post, down to becoming more patriotic than ever. I didn't think backlash contrarian patriotism could be a thing until I moved here! One of the most annoying things at this point, is that now that I've been here for a bit, and have had the privilege to go back to visit my family in LA a few times now, I don't really feel perfectly at home in either place. Moving back to the US is a possibility, but not in the near future. In the meantime, we have to try and stay sane, despite crappy avocados and no actual ambient warmth, ever.

Personally, I wish I lived in London, because while the smaller places are picturesque, my experience of living in them is that they are either provincial in mindset or isolated, both physically, culturally and socially. Maybe that's a "grass is greener" thing and London would be annoying too, but at least you have options of things to do there, eh? Have you lived outside of London before or do think you might be happier outside of a city?

There's a lot of systemic racism and sexism here - not that there isn't in the US, but it seems to manifest differently. Maybe it seems worse because one has already learned coping mechanisms/ how to navigate/think about US racism & sexism and then all of a sudden, one is exposed to new facets of the insidious -isms. Maybe I've had the misfortune of falling in with the wrong group of people here, but I've heard some nasty, vile, blatantly and unapologetically racist, classist and sexist things in the UK. Of course those things exist in the US and people say and do terrible things there too, but it is still jarring to hear it so openly here. I don't really know what else to say about that, aside from, it sucks.

As for food, KSand24 is right- spice things up at home! I lol'd about the salt thing though. I've taken to bringing covert deli packets of salt to in-laws homes where they've scoffed at my asking for a bit of salt. Also, this might not be very helpful, depending on whether or not you went to them back in the US, but I swear, going to Costco is like, my favourite thing to do when I'm homesick. Stereotypical American going to a big box store and weeping tears of joy at finding American-style marshmallows in a giant bag, shortly before the 4th of July? Priceless.

Sorry, this post has become long and meandering and I don't mean to have threadjacked to vent my own grievances. I just wanted to share some of my experiences too, to just say GURL I UNDERSTAND. Also, I'm totally going to check out that group on FB!

Lalala75, may I ask how long you've been in the UK?  I hated the UK when I first moved here and found a fair bit of what you said to be true.  I felt like I was torn, belonging nowhere for about the first 5 years.  I'm just past 9 years, 2 months here and can't really imagine living anywhere else.

True, I still have no friends here.  And true, London is still busy, huge, confusing, and unfriendly.  But the food, so much better!  Being a vegetarian in the rural South was terrible.  And I hate driving so having public transport is amazing.  I run for trains just to do it.  I hope I never face plant on the platform. 

I'm self employed so the making friends thing make never really happen   But after living in Essex for the first few years I do enjoy London.

As for what your in laws are like, that's definitely going to be a your mileage may vary thing.  My sister's boyfriend's parents (from New Jersey) sound similar to your in laws.  Shock and horror that my sister is a self employed fitness instructor...with tattoos...has crazy hair...and doesn't want to marry, or stay home and care for the house even though her boyfriend makes a lot and there's no need for my sister to work.  My very British in laws are exactly the opposite.  Want to go to a rock concert with my mother in law?  She'll gladly drag you along!  I'm conservative compared to them, a thing we all joke about.

If you ever fancy a meet up or coffee in London, let me know.  I work from home so am always pretty flexible.